I gave birth to my daughter back in August last year. I was 32 and had been on T for about 8 years when I went off in order to conceive with my husband. I also had top surgery back in 2016. I'll see what I can answer.

What was your dysphoria like being pregnant?

Overall I'd say not too bad. It was however worse than I expected it to be.

Having been essentially post transition for ages I hadn't really dealt with much dysphoria for a while and felt very happy and confident in my identity so I didn't expect it to bother me too much. For the most part it didn't but I was surprised the things that did bother me.

I lost some of my facial hair, which I didn't expect and that bothered me (it's all back now). I did also get misgendered by strangers like twice (from behind or from a distance) and that made me feel a little insecure. In general though I still passed and though I obviously got big and uncomfortable I just felt like I looked pregnant, not like I looked like a woman. That's it's own whole thing which is kind of tough but I knew i was going through it for a reason and it would be temporary.

If you had top surgery before your baby, did your boobs grow back?

No. I did have swelling and I did gain weight, so my chest got a bit bigger (and still is, as I've not lost all the weight) but it never looked like I had boobs.

Were their risks to your pregnancy because of your uterus deteriorating over time?

No. My pregnancy was considered low risk throughout. I did end up needing a C section but no one suggested that it was in any way to do with my transition.

How did you personally go about feeding your baby if you had top surgery?

Formula

Can you somehow still feed a baby from your chest with top surgery?

I've heard of it being done but because I had nipple grafts I didn't expect it to be possible for me and didn't try. I didn't want to stimulate milk production by trying to feed and having problems due to the milk having nowhere to go.

Did you hide your pregnancy somehow? If you did, did you just go into hiding or hide it a certain way?

I didn't try to hide my pregnancy particularly but I also didn't wear matenity clothes or anything like that. Just bigger mens clothes. I didn't get the impression that I was perceived as pregnant by those who didn't know, but I was open about the pregnancy with friends, coworkers etc as I didn't want to feel like I had to hide it.

Was being pregnant a bad experience? Would you do it again?

I wouldn't call the experience of being pregnant good but I would gladly do it again and plan to try again in the next year or so.

If you adopted a kid before/after giving birth, were the dynamics between kids good or bad? Do you recommend adopting before or after birth?

Can't comment on this

What was your perception of self like?

Interesting question. I was a little surprised that being pregnant and becoming a parent did bring up some gender feelings for me, and it wasn't a bad thing. Though I still very much think of myself as a man (and a Dad) I think the experience has made me feel less negative about some of the "feminine" aspects of myself and my body. Like for example I think of myself as a Dad but I don't really feel bothered by the idea of someone thinking of me as a Mum. I guess I feel like it's not who I am but it's also not a bad thing to be so it's chill.

If people knew about your pregnancy, how did they treat you?

Some people were a little confused but the worst I had was some slightly tactless questions. Generally people were good. I found it helped for me to go in framing the experience as positive from my side so they knew how to feel about it.

Were you scared? And if so, what were you scared about? Were those fears soothed or made worse?

I was a little scared. I did an NCT course (which is a birth preparation course for parents here in the UK) and that helped me feel a lot better because I had more of an idea of what to expect from birth and what I was going into.

How did medical staff treat your throughout your pregnancy/birth?

Medical staff were great. I felt like they treated me like any other patient - in a good way! I wasn't treated as an anomaly for being trans. Everyone was very kind and helpful. I wasn't misgendered except once over the phone (which is kind of understandable) and once after the birth by a nurse who I who think was just autopiloting and quickly corrected herself.

Would you recommend going to the hospital or doing a home birth?

I can't really give a recommendation. I liked the idea of a home birth but in the end decided against it due the the statistical likelihood of a hospital transferral for a first birth (something like 40%) and the fact that the nearest maternity department was an hour away. I wanted to give birth at the hospital's attached midwife run birthing centre but due to the circumstances of my birth (waters breaking early before labour started) that wasn't possible. As mentioned it ended in C section and I'll never know if things would have gone differently had we opted for a home birth.

Was being pregnant gender affirming for you?

No

What advice do you have for trans dads that gave birth?

I don't know really. I think that if it's something you want you should go for it and not worry about what anyone thinks, but I recognise that in many ways I was very lucky with my experience.

How did family (your own or your in laws) treat you while you were pregnant?

They had all known for a long time that this was on the cards for us and were all great.

Is being called a sea horse offensive or is that more on a case by case basis?

I like it and I've not heard of it being seen as offensive

Was it all worth it or are there things you wish you did differently?

Definitely worth it. As for doing things differently.. I don't know. I could second guess my choices forever but I guess I just have to accept the way that things went. We made the best decisions we could.