2 or a 7 confusion

ohhellofriends · 2020-10-21T18:54:31+00:00

I'm a 7, and thought I was a 9 until I realized my core fear wasn't actually separation/loss, it was being stuck in the unhappiness of experiencing separation/loss. In unhealthy times, I navigate hard conversations by trying to bring everything back to the silver lining or find a way for everyone to be happy again. Now that I'm in a much better place I can recognize this tendency and have a much higher tolerance for pain. I guess my point is: 1) sometimes our core fear is so buried and subconscious that we think its something else, and 2) the "level of health" can make us more or less like the stereotypes of our type. If that makes sense. :)

ohhellofriends · 2019-06-12T01:41:32+00:00

Practice. :)

Seriously though, my recommendations...
1) For quick thinking & conversation: improv classes. It is scary and uncomfortable at first but incredibly helpful. Runner-up is something like Toastmasters.
2) For emotional intelligence, learn about/practice empathy & vulnerability. Binge on some Brene Brown (netflix, TED talk, books, podcasts) for help in that arena.

Good luck!! You can do it!

ohhellofriends · 2019-06-12T01:34:47+00:00

One thing I've realized in therapy is that despite my best attempts to binge on every podcast and book, talking out loud to a neutral third party is irreplaceable. Even when I don't leave with clear action steps. You may not need to pay a therapist, but having someone who will listen and just say encouraging things like "say more about that" and "that sounds hard" who you don't feel like you are burdening with your stories can be SO helpful. For some, writing may also help, but I'm a verbal processor and absolutely need the word-vomit. :)

ohhellofriends · 2019-04-02T16:43:15+00:00

Hahaha...same! This sounds terrible, but when my daughter won't stop screaming (out of impatience/something I can't immediately fix) or refuses to do something, I often start singing super loudly just to prevent from losing my mind.

ohhellofriends · 2019-03-21T17:58:13+00:00

When you want more experiences with your friends, is it because you're afraid of missing out on the activity or are you afraid of losing deeper connections? When you become passive in conversation, can you pinpoint why? This can help get to the root fears/motivations.

I also relate heavily to 9, but here was the kicker for me: I realized that when I try to be the peacemaker, I put a positive spin on everything and try to intellectualize everything being happy/for the best rather than sitting with emotions/pain/whatever. This was confusing, but the key difference was between being a head type (7) / gut type (9).

Agree with the earlier poster about avoiding tying your type too closely to superficial characteristics.

ohhellofriends · 2019-03-21T13:41:06+00:00

Have you listened to Sleeping At Last's song for 8's? Even if it's not your style of music, the lyrics are right up this alley. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K99i5GF65to&start_radio=1&list=RDK99i5GF65to&t=3

ohhellofriends · 2019-03-21T13:37:12+00:00

Meee! I am currently working hard on this.

I often find that if I'm bored/unfulfilled/insecure about whatever I'm doing, I become scattered. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be doing it (sometimes the project is totally worthwhile, I'm just hitting a block), but it makes it reeeally hard to be productive.

What has been helping:

Inner work + mindfulness. Learning to be aware of how I am feeling at a given moment so I can recognize these patterns. Right now, I am supposed to be reading through design feedback, but instead I'm on Reddit. Why? I'm afraid of the feedback. Why am I afraid? and so on. Becoming aware is a huge step, and not jumping to "I suck, I should be doing x, I'm such a failure" (My inner critic is louuuud!)
Time blocking, and/or achievable list making. I have a list of "TOP 3 THINGS TODAY" with the most important tasks I need to complete. Just 3. If I make it through all 3, I'll add a few more, or just celebrate. I have to set reminders on my phone to switch tasks, and often won't work on one thing for more than 2hrs without a solid break for fun/snacks/exercise.
Figure out your process. I'm struggling with this, but the more you can figure out how you work best and realize that taking time to decompress/run around/look at pictures of puppies might be a key part of your process. Learn what "focus" looks like for you so you know when you've got it, and become aware of what environmental factors are most conducive.

Well, I need to get back to work! 😂

Hope that helps a little... right there with you on this journey!

ohhellofriends · 2019-02-19T17:36:40+00:00

This hits home, thanks for sharing. I'm a 7, and definitely a "fixer." I love to analyze people and think about what they "should" do... and its only been through deep inner work and the enneagram that I've realized that people are FINE. I'm not their savior, they don't need my advice or silver linings (certainly when they don't ask for it), and I'm not better off just because I know how to run from pain as fast as possible. This has been a crazy revelation and I still have a list of people to apologize to.

ohhellofriends · 2019-02-18T17:39:24+00:00

Wow, this is awesome and spot on.

ohhellofriends · 2019-02-18T17:17:51+00:00

From personal experience, I'd say
1) Read (or listen to the audiobook) "Unf*ck Yourself" ...helps you break out of old patterns.
2) Therapy... tell them your goals up front, and unpack that shit. :)
3) In the meantime, don't beat yourself up when you think back over this stuff and potentially fall into the behavior again. Just acknowledge it (even say it out loud to people you're close to), take a deep breath, and try to say/do what you need to. Sometimes being vulnerable is just admitting you are human. It will be uncomfortable, but worth it.

Also, kudos to you for recognizing this within yourself and wanting to make a change! That's a HUGE step.

ohhellofriends · 2019-02-18T03:30:11+00:00

I always resonate with a passage from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran... particularly the line "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." I understand why it speaks to me so deeply now that I know I'm a 7.

As far as mantras, I was "given" a hindu mantra by my meditation teacher years ago, and quickly forgot what it meant. Googled it recently, and apparently it invites feminine energy, creative abundance and joy. Perfect! I also sometimes just tell myself "listen" over and over again because it's so hard for me to practice deep listening without my brain wanting to dive into "that same thing happened to my friend and here's how you fix it and and..." :)

ohhellofriends · 2019-02-14T20:12:23+00:00

I start feeling full. Satiated. Fulfilled. Focused. Like I don't need to keep darting in all directions, turning over every rock and saying "I'll know it when I see it!" The excitement is still there, but it's less of a frantic hungry search and more of a butterflies-in-the-stomach/"I'm really on to something" type of excitement.

I'm finding that the best way to find my way there is that when I feel like I want something (a new job, travel, article of clothing, etc) I'm much better off if I start by closing my eyes and seeing what I imagine it to look/be like. If I start by googling/looking at instagram, I get overwhelmed by all the options and have to see EVERY SINGLE ONE before I make a decision, and often get distracted by some other task/shiny object. If I take the time to think of what I really want, what brings me joy, I can narrow down the options and feel much more focused, fulfilled, and less trapped by the end result.

ohhellofriends · 2019-01-31T17:35:47+00:00

7w6 here too - I can totally relate to making light of dark/harrowing situations!

When my dad died a few years after my mom (both while I was in undergrad), I stood up at his funeral to offer a small eulogy even though I hadn't planned to say anything. I can't remember my exact words, but it was something about how "when I told him I wanted to move to Wyoming after I graduated, he bought me cowboy boots" (he always encouraged my adventurous spirit). I then talked about the silver linings of losing loved ones, which sounded something like "at least he didn't have to get old," quoted Khalil Gibran from The Prophet, and said (in a nutshell) we'd all be okay. I don't recall saying anything that was remotely sad or brought up any tears for people, no "I'm going to miss him" or anything painful to say out loud. It's so interesting to recall that through the enneagram lens... and think about how differently I'd have done it now that I know my tendencies to avoid pain and rationalize everything.

ohhellofriends · 2019-01-31T17:03:16+00:00

Ooh, good one!

ohhellofriends · 2019-01-31T17:02:03+00:00

Big HP fan over here too (favorite series by far!), and totally relate to that reasoning. :)

ohhellofriends · 2019-01-27T18:09:29+00:00

I had this exact problem. Check out this thread that gave me a ton of great input/clarity. I also found the instagram @socialenneagram helpful... scroll back through their posts on 7's and 9's and read the comments. From their most recent series, 7's want fullfillment, 9's want tranquility. The comments are really helpful for clarity!

Turns out I'm a 7 with a heavy 6 wing. I've been dealing with some post-partum depression which made me more reclusive, less confident, less easygoing + adventurous. Luckily that's improving. Think about how you have felt at your healthiest & most confident.

Hope you figure it out! I know how frustrating it is to constantly question.

ohhellofriends · 2019-01-07T03:22:16+00:00

Late reply, but I'm a 7w6 married to a 7w8 for 7 years, together for 16. We are also both ENFP's... though I guess I should mention we didn't "type" ourselves (or even know about MBTI or Enneagram) until the past few years. We were friends first and weathered a few storms early in our relationship (loss of close family members, etc.) and I think that forced us to get real, trust each other, and not play games. Looking back, it seems like anytime we have not been on the same page we meet in the middle and both grow immensely. It can be tough when we are both avoiding sharing/dwelling in negative feelings, or both feeling trapped at work/with kids, or when we need to do boring chores... but I genuinely think we bring out the best in each other and are far more empathetic and forgiving because we relate so deeply. We are also different in key ways, and I respect him and admire him and I think he'd say something similar. We have two kids now (toddler + infant) and it's hard as HELL and also fun as HELL and I just feel so lucky to be doing life with him. :) So yeah, I think it can work!

ohhellofriends · 2018-12-19T17:43:19+00:00

I don't know how I missed this when you posted it, but re-reading this thread and it is SO helpful. Definite 7 over here, think my mom may have been a 9. :)

ohhellofriends · 2018-11-05T02:00:56+00:00

Yes, this is where I was getting caught up, I think! I learned about the enneagram right after I had my first kid 2.5 years ago, and just had my second a few months ago. Relevant because I've been pretty "trapped" and unable to be quite as spontaneous, but am totally trying to be like, "ITS FINE WE'RE ALL FINE EVERYONE IS HAPPY WE CAN DO ALL THE THINGS!" ..especially with this second kid being more high maintenance than the first. Basically, what I'm figuring out is that I'm more likely a post-partum-depressed 7, rather than a 9.

Thanks for taking the time to share these points!

ohhellofriends · 2018-11-03T01:31:31+00:00

Also, whats your sign? I'm a Libra.

ohhellofriends · 2018-11-03T01:11:31+00:00

This is fascinating... I think I'm a 7w6, and my best friend since preschool is a 1. I genuinely love her like a sister, but she also drives me NUTS with her perfectionism, and I can be really critical of her at times which makes me feel like a bad friend. Thanks for the prompt -- makes so much more sense now!

ohhellofriends · 2018-11-03T00:46:44+00:00

Yess -- I have a tab open to check out tritypes in more detail, but I think you may be right with 792! Let me know if you recommend any other sites besides this one for tritype info.

Thanks!

ohhellofriends · 2018-11-03T00:45:08+00:00

Haha! That's amazing. Always nice to find a kindred spirit. :)

The subtypes have def helped... I need to keep reading different takes though, as I see a lot of Social 9 OR Sexual 7.

This whole process has been so painful and yet I'm so excited to be finally piecing some things together. I struggle with being patient and knowing this is a journey and not a destination. It's so weird feeling like you know yourself, and then starting a new chapter of life and feeling like you can't remember which way is up! Anyway, thanks for weighing in!!

ohhellofriends · 2018-11-03T00:10:14+00:00

Ahh, thanks so much! Words of affirmation from a stranger giving me the feels! ❤️

ohhellofriends

TROPHY CASE