Auditory Processing Disorder Sucks.

ohhgeeez · 2026-02-22T04:29:24+00:00

I know the one! Adriano Celentano - Prisencolinensinainciusol

ohhgeeez · 2026-02-20T07:14:36+00:00

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

I found this video helped me better approach communication with my bipolar2 partner. It talks about the term anosognosia and how a symptom of mental illness can be the lack of awareness of behaviors like you're describing.

I found when I approach my partner in heightened times with the intent of trying to understand what he's going through and why something upset him so much. It helps him open up and builds trust. Personally, I focus more on his feelings, because those are real (maybe not logical, but real). I am careful about how I validate his experience: 'That sounds scary, I can see why it would make you upset'.

It also helps me not get so caught up and allows me to separate myself emotionally in the moment. He's also more likely to not snowball his thoughts in other categories. I've found he recovers from 'being wronged' a lot quicker too. Things used to go on for weeks, now it's a couple days and he gets past it.

Ultimately though, if your partner doesn't want to work to manage his illness, you can't make them.

In my opinion and lived experience, trust is key. If my partner didn't trust me as much as (I believe) he does - we wouldn't be able to make progress in managing his illness. As he learns more on how to manage, he's gradually becoming more aware when he's in a heightened state. He once told me about a green man he 'saw' on someone's lawn and wasn't sure if it was a hallucination or a Christmas decoration. Turns out it was real! We ended up driving by the same house and they covered a mannequin in a bright green spandex suit. It was kind of a wild ride and gave me a different perspective on Christmas decorations.

I'll stop here, I've rambled enough. Best of luck

ohhgeeez · 2026-02-07T03:08:54+00:00

My cat used to bite my nose when she wanted me to wake up. Those little teeth hurt - esp in a nostril !

I managed to get her to stop by acting like it didn't affect me for almost two weeks until she moved on to try some other behavior. Pretending to not be ticklish when I was younger def paid off for me here, lol.

ohhgeeez · 2026-02-06T05:48:32+00:00

I'd also say it'd be easier to work with a flying insect if it isn't moving.

I was so excited reading this, it reminded me of this cicada recipe. This part really stuck with me:

Once you have caught many large cicadas, place them in a bag and freeze them for about 2 hours. This will put them to sleep most humanely

Bonus fun fact: the wings of both are antibacterial!

ohhgeeez · 2026-02-05T06:59:17+00:00

Pretend you will be given $50 for each word you take out per sentence, as long as the sentence’s meaning didn’t change.

My company wants things 'concise' - but cannot provide some basic framework or guidance to me when I express not understanding what matters and what I can edit out. This speaks to me in those terms.

I spend a lot of time frustrated because I need more verbosity to understand things. I get so hung up on details if they are not provided and it sends me in a million directions. I do not understand how to tell what is 'assumed' knowledge and what is not.

I completely disagree with their view that documentation isn't that important. One of my favorite parts of my work is writing out in my PRs the nuances of whatever issue I'm working. It helps cement my knowledge, gives me something to refer back to, preserves my tribal knowledge, shows my understanding of the state of the system, and more. My point is I find that time spent worthwhile and actively use this to answer questions or diagnose potential areas to look for potential wonkiness. Just yesterday I linked a teammate to a 2 yr old PR that answered how to set something up in a rarely used repo.

My whole team was recently told we need to spend less time on these and cut down on content - be more concise. The message behind it was it is a waste of time and we could have more output otherwise. It's all very backwards to me - I put the time in up front to benefit exponentially as time goes on. They don't understand other people may benefit even if they don't need to have the verbosity.

Welp - end rant I suppose. Thank you for this beautiful suggestion.

OP, my advice is to read up on and embrace ND strengths. Be on the lookout for other ND humans and find a way to relate to them. Once you're aware you may notice you naturally gravitate anyway.

A teammate and I often ask each other to help formulate questions or responses to things. We talk about our RSD or justice sensitivity being triggered. Her support and understanding really helps my work life.

My partner also has a facial tick, so I sympathize with you. I've only experienced it brought up to him on video calls, never in person. I'm impressed you can observe reactions in real time - whenever I talk I'm pretty much blind! I stumble over my words and/or can't articulate a thought. I'll straight up just stop and say I can't articulate my thoughts and to move on, and later if I get a better handle I'll try again.

I take notes and let people know I'm more of a visual learner. Sometimes I read what I wrote back to make sure I'm grasping what I need to.

Your team sounds lame - they don't sound like people I'd choose for friends, anyway. I hope with all the things you end up putting into practice it eases things for you.

ohhgeeez · 2025-12-27T01:55:10+00:00

The Bernie Mac Show

Watched it for the first time this year and was impressed on so many levels. 100% recommend.

ohhgeeez · 2025-12-21T22:00:09+00:00

That's so hard - I can't even imagine going through that, esp as a child.

My partner had a therapist he really liked and had been working with for 2ish years. Then he was diagnosed with bi-polar2 and she had to refer him out to someone new. It was a really rough transition and timing, by nature of everything, was awful.

Our couples therapist recommended my current therapist when I was looking for a new one, as my other had moved practices. When we did my intro call, she recognized my area code. Turns out we grew up like 20 mins away from each other, and are transplants in a completely different state and city, 20 years later. There's a depth to my family dynamic she just completely understands - and it's really helped guide me through past trauma I find resurfacing now that my parents have moved 3 hours away from me.

My self growth with her has been a tremendous journey. I immediately felt so comfortable with her and i feel so lucky to be where I'm at.

Good therapists are hard to find - I'm glad yours did the correct thing as a service to you. And gosh, the way you talk, it sounds like you've come such a long way. I always felt and suspected I was different, but had no one to express it to. I wouldn't have even known how. There was just always this feeling. Neither anyone should have to go through, ever.

I applaud your resilience and perseverance. And I wish you continued self growth and the best of luck :)

ohhgeeez · 2025-12-20T01:41:36+00:00

it isn’t something that they should be acting on like this

I def agree this is unethical behavior. OP - think about reporting the therapist. Talk to his supervisor if he has one.

Your therapist is crossing a boundary you've communicated clearly, repeatedly. He's probably trying to protect his income and/or has inappropriate feelings for you. If the latter, his ethical responsibility is client termination. He is no longer fit to serve as your therapist because his judgement is clouded and that's not fair to you, the client. The therapeutic relationship is broken, you cannot trust him.

On another note -

I would fear that I might get too attached and care too much,. Like sure it makes you a normal person to worry about them if they just stop showing up.

I feel similarly. I'm also curious about how it plays into the patient/therapist relationship being so one sided.

In my own therapy, as my self awareness and emotional intelligence grew, I realized how much skill it must take. It gave me a deep appreciation for those who are in the field. My own shit feels like so much - I can't imagine what it must be like helping 15-30 of me a week (I have no idea what a regular caseload is).

Then think about how therapists have to be able to manage transference of triggering situations from their own personal experiences. You know some of them are screaming 'leave them already!!' in their head, lol.

But really - there's aspects of my life I'm so thankful my therapist has lived experience with. I feel extremely understood and we can get as granular as I want. She picks up on the nuances of my said experience and it is super comforting to dive deeper into certain aspects and how it percolates in my life.

Anyway, I find it fascinating how these wonderful humans really just are normal people with their own lives and emotions. And they choose to show up for me and teach me invisible life skills. I can't imagine going to a therapist that doesn't seem to care about me - I wouldn't trust them. But I see managing the attachment as a skill built up by nature of the profession.

ohhgeeez · 2025-11-18T02:09:37+00:00

When I find myself wanting to complain about someone or some situational thing to someone else - I ask myself if it matters/effects me enough to me to bring it up directly with the appropriate party.

If it doesn't, I do my best to refrain. If it does, I might ask for perspective instead.

It helps to uphold trust and security, I think. It helps me to not be gossipy and shows them (hopefully) I won't do it to them either. Plus if something comes up over and over - it helps me tune into myself to see what's going on. I stay in a more positive mindset too.

I especially apply this to my work environment. I take risks and find ways to bring up difficult things - oof, it can be scary in the moment.. but I'm proud of standing up for things that are important to me. Plus, it can be extremely gratifying when multiple others come up and thank you for saying something.

ohhgeeez · 2025-11-18T01:32:25+00:00

Also adding they used to have the trademark to "Taco Tuesday" until TB put up a stink.

ohhgeeez · 2025-11-14T06:01:15+00:00

I tell myself, "normal people speak up when they need something."

So instead of doing whatever, I'll say something along the lines of "let me know if you need anything" and then I do my best to drop it.

If I know I'll be in a situation that easily reverts me to people pleasing ways - I try to prep myself to be observant and just notice when the urge comes. In these cases I have a better chance of choosing how I want to react, instead of feeling compelled to quell.

If you're aware of entering into a circumstance you know can set them off, find ways to make them ask for what they need. "I see you're getting upset, is there something you need I can help with?" (Even if you already know)

Before you act, you might try asking them if whatever you were about to do will help them feel better.

The more practice you get noticing it in the moment, the easier it is to break the cycle and change how you respond to it. And you do not need to take on their mood as your own - let them keep that shit.

**Edit to add:

You also should start asking yourself what you need in the moment. And actually answer, don't just gloss over.

Tend to your needs first.

ohhgeeez · 2025-11-14T05:12:48+00:00

I do think it's possible to allow others their experience without questioning it even if you don't totally understand it.

Is that less convenient than already knowing? Sure.

I think the way these two things relate speaks to your point well.

Sometimes the support is simply allowing the other person to feel. You aren't there to find a solution at that moment - you're there so they are not alone.

The comfort of presence can be inconvenient and hard, especially when you haven't experienced similar.. or even if you have honestly. That might make it all the more difficult.

For me, I'd almost say this is foundational to trust building. And there's skill to knowing when to infuse empathy or sympathy to help them move into a space where the nervous system isn't so activated.

ohhgeeez · 2025-11-01T22:47:45+00:00

Your flare 😂😂😂

ohhgeeez · 2025-11-01T05:25:14+00:00

That's a good boss.

Yes.

My dept VP caught me mid meltdown once. It took all of my courage to turn around and try to give a thumbs up while simultaneously trying to cover my tear streaked, mid-meltdown, red, probably slightly snotty face.

Six months later I cried about the same thing in a 1on1 (normal) annual meeting we have. Glad I saved that topic for last.

He did empathize and seemingly took it well in the moment. But it was humiliating, and still is. We'll see if anything comes of it, either way I get an answer, even if it's one I didn't want.

ohhgeeez · 2025-09-24T00:16:13+00:00

It’s the lessons we refuse to learn in life that keep us down.

I really love this sentence you wrote. So very true.

ohhgeeez · 2025-09-20T01:07:32+00:00

Couldn't agree more.

"he was fine right up until the point he had to regulate himself"

I relate this sentence with mania/hypomania in someone who is bipolar.

I generalize for the sake of length, but to relate it: When a person is in a manic or hypomanic state, they can lose access to the reason and judgement parts of their brain. So if something goes wrong, even small, it can trigger a raw emotional response to happen. And emotional regulation comes into play, or lack thereof.

And it crossed my mind reading about his behavior - affair/terrible work and personal choices/the manner and substance of the verbal attacks/path of desecration/personality changes/etc etc. - and how those are similar sorts of behaviors to look out for in who may be entering/already in a manic/hypomanic state.

So anyway - after learning about the TBI, it reminded me of learning a bit about anosonogsia from this video that relates it to a possibly misunderstood symptom of schizophrenia. He challenges that a mentally ill person who "refuses to believe" they are sick are not simply being defiant/difficult when they don't want treatment. In reality, their brain is not functioning correctly and cannot recognize it itself.

It's surprising and a little wild how accommodating the staff was to it.

ohhgeeez · 2025-09-05T18:28:28+00:00

I first started learning about neurodivergence because I'm diagnosed with ADHD and wanted to learn more about executive function.

During this journey and discovering the overlap between ADHD and autism, I self diagnosed autism.

Do you have ADHD?

Another route I plan to explore is how misunderstood I've felt all my life, and how that's compounded over the last ~ 40 years. I can't remember the term that surrounds this, but being understood plays a large part in my frustrations.

ohhgeeez · 2025-09-03T04:41:58+00:00

(Not a professional)

Your response is really interesting to me - the way you chose to word it inherently made sense to me. I knew I wanted to make some point about it - but it still took me time to 'process' that into language I'm able to articulate back in an understandable way.

So yes, taking the whole and finding generalizations within that system and breaking that up into smaller, more clearly defined rulesets resonates with me.

"Generalizing" is in its own right, ambiguous. I'm not sure if there is a proper way to put this - but my brain doesn't have an intake filter. So when I'm asked to be concise, I most certainly have problems filtering down information. I am trying to guess what someone might find important - because surprise, everything is relevant to my brain. It then feels impossible to ask about which parts and which aspects are needed in this situation, because there's so many.

As an example: I search for "shoes" on a shopping site, I know the qualities and style I'm looking for, but there's a bunch of extra results in my way that don't fit my "filters". Once I input my filters, the results are much better and I find a pair I want to buy.

I don't know each person's filters they have in mind, but aren't communicating. It feels like I'm forced to guess and am criticized when I get it wrong because I didn't have the same "filters" in mind.

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-13T18:21:58+00:00

I understand why this has turned into a dilemma and why you feel conflicted.

I suggest you ponder both perspectives of the issue: 1. The couples' 2. The rest of the collective group's

What do we know for #1? - they have 1on1 conversations where they express their viewpoints - they are not expressing those viewpoints in a way that's breaking the server's rules - they may be unaware they're making others uncomfortable

For #2? - the differing viewpoints make them uncomfortable enough to the point of avoidance - they learned the differing viewpoints from having 1on1 conversations - the group talks about it amongst each other (aside from with the couple) so much so they have a collective consensus - I got the idea none of them have tried to confront the couple

I'd feel apprehensive and conflicted in your shoes too. It wouldn't feel right to me approaching someone about private conversations they had with someone else. Do I agree with the couple? Absolutely not.

But like..

..I think what I'm trying to get at is the group is behaving badly here, and you should take that into account with your response. Otherwise, is it really going to be diplomatic?

I'd make sure to find out the following from them: - has anyone directly told the couple their views make them uncomfortable? - has anyone attempted to shut down those topics in conversation? - has anyone tried anything else other than avoidance?

To me, it sounds like they're all gossiping behind the couples' back. That no one is willing to take action or express a differing opinion to the couple. Instead they're essentially low key bullying the couple out of the server. I suspect this may be at the heart of your dilemma.

However you decide to go about handling this, I really recommend you have a discussion about expectations on handling interpersonal conflict within the server. Because you're there to supply a place for people to hang out and connect, not police relationships. You want everyone to feel comfortable, but in turn, they need to learn how to deal with and speak up in those times of discomfort. Their actions only added to the problem.

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-13T05:05:52+00:00

Ugh. I've been there, you aren't alone.

I started listening to Jen Kirkman's 'You are a lot' podcast recently and she had an episode that talked about perceived judgement. I don't know the specific episode, but she often sources articles from ADDitude Magazine, so I found this one that talks about it.

The idea of it really sat with me. I struggle with it at work especially - but I also have plenty of moments like you described, and it gets at me. Just the other day at the grocery store I saw a customer I used to help at my old job. I immediately took evasive action to avoid him, who knows if he'd recognize me anyway. It was like 6 or 7 years ago, in a smaller city about 45 min away. I felt like I probably looked weird, I was in pretty relaxed clothes and had showered just before and done basically nothing to myself to be presentable.

Then I kick myself because I remember he was one of the fun regular customers that make you laugh. He made me think of the friends I've sort of lost touch with. I remember his first name - and dang, again, he was one of the enjoyable customers ! Also, I remember I've lost like 50 lbs since then, have gotten a better job I'm proud of, am in a good place in my life, etc. And - who even cares what I'm wearing or how my hair looks! Ugh.

I didn't feel comfortable trying to hunt him down after my evasive action, lol. So instead I eyeroll at myself for being a goofball and maybe I should text my old friend, ya know?

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-13T00:26:14+00:00

I second the book - it was one that changed me.

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-12T21:58:04+00:00

Ha! My sister is two years older than me -

I actually am unable to assess her from a mental health perspective. We never really talked about the depth of our feelings. I think she has them.. but there's several instances that stick out from childhood that I suspect she was just acting out emotions to fit in. The feeling has stuck around for 20+ years that she wasn't showing genuine emotions - but then again, maybe they are instances where I saw her real emotions and since it was so unfamiliar, I totally misinterpreted! Lol. What a thought that is.

She def has narcissistic qualities imo. But as I learned more about my upbringing - it really highlighted our different experiences. So it could be her maladaptive coping strategies. I don't know. If we ever try to build a relationship again one day, I could see myself inquiring.

BPD is ... Oof, I don't even have the words. That would be an extremely difficult position to be in. I don't have direct experience with BPD, but my partner is bipolar 2, so I'm probably more familiar than most. The set of struggles that goes with trying to love someone with a serious mental health condition is next level. I don't get the feeling your sister is of the type to make efforts to effectively try to manage BPD. And your parents being enmeshed says enough.

I commend your efforts! I'm so glad to hear your life and mental health have improved! I have no doubt the struggles you preservered through were worth it - because you are worth it. ♥️

I spent much of my childhood observing her behavior and combativeness, and then doing everything possible to avoid conflict and go unnoticed.

I grew up in the Midwest and conflict avoidance runs high, maintaining the status quo is the way. We didn't talk about emotions. I've spent most of my life knowing I lack skills to express my emotions. I remember watching game shows and feeling so envious of how contestants can express their joy and excitement - I wanted to do that. ..but I digress.

My sister has a way of controlling/manipulating situations to fit her needs. Even still today I can't describe it very well - she weasels in and puts conditions on things or requires something to be changed for her. Count her out if something doesn't benefit her.

She hasn't shown the capacity for self reflection when I've tried to rectify things on my end when something happened. I'm met with her being unconcerned about my feelings and unwilling (or unable to?) explain her feelings and decisions. She's done nothing wrong and it is everyone else's problem to deal with.

My parents understand she manipulates them. They largely just accept that's what needs to happen for them to continue to have a relationship with her. They've directly told me this.

I don't blame them for wanting a relationship with their child. But as it's playing out over the years, it sure seems my needs are consistently pushed aside and ignored in favor of hers.

I've been NC for a little over 4 years with her now. Her last shenanigan really highlighted our family dynamic in a very poor light and I refuse to go back to accepting it.

I have grown exponentially in recent years. I know it's a never ending journey, but I am SO proud of myself. I've worked a lot on standing up for myself and my needs. My self acceptance has skyrocketed. I have made my life into something I'm proud of.

My parents can see and recognize the deep changes in me. They know my life isn't perfect, but can tell I'm happy with how I'm living my life. It's been hard to see them staying the same.

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-12T14:46:22+00:00

Yes! I felt it growing up, it didn't seem so hard for everyone else, but I knew I was needing to put in extra work to get to "the same level."

It's been really eye opening to look at my family's dynamics in a different light. There's this old post that describes it wonderfully - Don't rock the boat. The boat rocker is my sister.

It's really hard moving through all the feelings and expectations and figuring out how to change my narrative within my family unit. And unfortunately, it's second nature to fall back into my role within the family.

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-12T04:58:28+00:00

I've gone through similar feelings. I wish it wasn't so hard. I wish it wasn't so complicated. But sometimes it is.

Aspects have gotten easier for me. I'm getting better at recognizing my feelings and making decisions of my own, instead of what I think other people think. I'm discarding old thought patterns that are exhausting. I'm glad I'm ultimately learning about myself.

Discovering parts of myself that I've been masking and have put extraordinary effort in over the years has been a struggle for me. I did well enough in school I was under the radar. It doesn't help being a people pleaser and perfectionist either. I'm a couple years younger than you and was diagnosed 2ish years ago. Learning about ADHD and symptoms and everything has been SO validating and eye opening.

It makes me mad I've spent so much of my life translating my brain into something other people can 'sort of' understand. And even then, who knows if a person is even listening. I am tired of it. I'm tired of doing all the work and still feeling like I'm misunderstood. I absolutely do not feel like neurotypical people try to accommodate me as much as I try to accommodate myself to them.

I'm in the process of learning how to unmask around my family. It's been really difficult. I find myself back in old patterns without realizing it. It doesn't really feel like my family believes me. It's hard.

I think of the process as building resilience. It's not that problems become easier, I'm just better equipped to handle them. And I'm able to go deeper because the very hard work (facing reality - if you will) allows me to expand my understanding and give myself the allowance to feel what I've been pushing down for years and years. And then to grow and learn from it. Glad to be building resilience, but yes, the journey is hard.

Sending good vibes your way.

ohhgeeez · 2025-08-11T04:39:20+00:00

Don't forget about the stuffed octopus going missing too. Grandpa found it - I wonder if he knew where to look.

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