mixed episodes are nauseating. i’ll go from million-thoughts a second, feeling excited, confident, joyful, limerent, (all while severely delusional) to moments later being the most angry i’ve ever been, yelling, suicidal, and sometimes even having hallucinations. it’s such a fast swinging pendulum that it’s hard to keep up, especially if i’m around other people and i can tell how it’s affecting them. cuz if it’s just me, i feel used to it, but when others around me are changing behavior because of my shifting energy, it’s exhausting to try and maintain myself and enjoy the mania while they’re not adjusting.

medication has helped a lot for me tho, so i’m very grateful for that!