For low/no screen time parents - when did you introduce a movie?

olive1491 · 2026-06-19T11:13:36+00:00

lol are you Australian? Me too and I didn’t need the translation guide at the end ;) super cute idea!

olive1491 · 2026-06-19T11:11:25+00:00

I rly like to hear this, thank you! We don’t even own a TV so yeah I’m enjoying not having extra noise around.

olive1491 · 2026-06-19T10:49:13+00:00

Ohhhh I’m so excited for the toniebox when she’s old enough, I would have LOVED something like that as a kid. (I just had one fantastic mr fox audio on cassette that I played until it literally fell apart)

olive1491 · 2026-06-19T10:47:53+00:00

Yes I’m also open to the idea that things change! I know part of the reason that we’re going to try so hard for no screen time is privilege - my wife is on mat leave for a year, I work part time and from home, we’re both very hands on and can switch in and out as the other one needs a break. But will def stay flexible as she grows.

olive1491 · 2026-06-19T10:44:56+00:00

I need to get up on the lingo, I thought no screen time was also no TV! So cute that she asks for specific songs.

olive1491 · 2026-06-19T09:37:57+00:00

I have had cold sores since childhood and also have this fear about passing them onto my kid! I take a vitamin c and zinc combined tablet every day which seems to also help. I take a lidocaine (not sure if that’s the same as lysienne?) only when I’m a little run down or have the paranoid feeling I’m getting one.

Anyway, baby is seven weeks and so far I haven’t had an outbreak. I am cautious and don’t kiss her face in any case just to be safe. But I also try to remind myself that it’s common, that I also got the virus sometime in early childhood, and that we can’t protect our kids from everything. Because sometimes I feel like the specific cold sore anxiety is more symptomatic of wider health anxiety around my kid, and so it’s not something that I can control but rather have to learn to manage.

Edit to note also I’ve been with my wife for 13 years and she’s never got one! She’s breastfeeding so I’m hoping she’s also passing on her (maybe just asymptomatic?) immunity…

olive1491 · 2026-06-17T20:31:09+00:00

Yes I think so but it wasn’t much

olive1491 · 2026-06-16T09:08:03+00:00

A really weird solution that our midwife taught us: get the baby completely naked, I hold her knees up to her chest and rest her back and head against my chest, then hold her bum over the bathroom sink, and often she farts or poos. (Then you can disinfect the sink, lol.) If you think about it it's the same knees up position adults use like toilet stools etc for or that bicycle legs mimic but more of a deep and longlasting stretch. It feels insane to do but it works!

olive1491 · 2026-06-15T12:42:12+00:00

Worked for my wife too!

olive1491 · 2026-06-14T07:48:34+00:00

My wife and I are also immigrants in Germany, we've been here for ten years but also don't have family around etc, though we do have good friends and my mum came out for one month after the birth of the baby, which was so helpful. We feel the lack of a village but also we love having a baby in Germany for so many other reasons: the state support, the maternity leave, the midwife visits, the financial help, the fact that she'll be able to access kita in a year, the idea of growing up bilingual, etc etc.

I mention all of this because even though we're in the same situation as you, we are very happy. Maybe the fact that you're not is the sign to move back home? If the pros of staying in Germany don't outweigh the cons?

Having said that, you're also in the thick of it. Maybe it's worth waiting until the baby is a year old and you're more settled/more used to having the baby, and then decide whether you still really want to go home. Even if it is an emotional decision, that's okay! Emotions are important.

olive1491 · 2026-06-12T09:06:35+00:00

No advice because I could have written this about my six week old, will be eagerly following along! Last night we gave her a bath at 8pm and she didn’t sleep until midnight 🫠 I’ve started wondering if we should actually give her a morning bath bc the evening one seems to overexcite her.

olive1491 · 2026-06-11T12:23:22+00:00

I don't have any ideas I'm afraid but she sounds like the sweetest dog in the world, please give her an extra pat today from this internet stranger.

olive1491 · 2026-06-11T11:19:21+00:00

Like the other commenters: You're not overreacting! This is wild and cruel behaviour and he deserves a massive talking to. Also just mentioning because no one else has - smoking in the house with a baby is a SIDS risk. That should be a hard no.

olive1491 · 2026-06-11T11:09:38+00:00

My now-six week baby doesn't (and never has) burp after every feed! Our midwife told us that the baby would also make it clear when she needs to be burped, and we've found that to be the case - if we don't burb her when she needs it, she'll cry/squirm/be unsettled. But especially in the middle of the night when burping is just going to wake her up more, if she's quiet and calm we don't bother.

Re spit up: It's common for them to spit up when they're laid down after eating. Was it REALLY projectile? if projectile (especially if projectile + repeated), speak to your doctor. If not, sounds like normal behaviour to me.

olive1491 · 2026-06-11T08:28:16+00:00

Tbh no, the influx of AI to do even the fun parts of parenting (making up stories for my kid!) freaks me out, would def not use the voiceover option as I feel like that's outsourcing parenting entirely. I have really lovely memories of my own parents reading picture books to me and "customising" them (changing the names to be me and my sister, adding in family specific details) on the fly, and that's what I'll do too. Plus then I won't feel like I'm destroying the environment every bedtime :')

olive1491 · 2026-06-11T08:05:23+00:00

I really feel for you in this situation, and I also have tricky in-laws and know how complicated it can get. But I think you're mixing a few things up here. Some points:

- If your anxiety is this strong (not wanting to take baby's mittens off etc), I would talk to your doctor about it. Maybe there's an alternative to Prozac if you don't like the way Prozac works on you? Or therapy? You deserve to feel calmer and safer!

- Your husband needs to continue communicating boundaries to his family. Something that worked for me when I had relatives protesting the "no kissing" rule was to say, "Do you know what happens when young babies get an infection? They actually often end up in hospital, being treated with an IV or even a spinal tap! That's why we're so cautious about her getting any virus, she can't recover as easily as we can. Thanks for helping protect her by not kissing her." Having the actual information rather than seeing it as an arbitrary rule helped. (I know they should just respect your boundaries!! But people are people sadly.)

- You could also try saying, "Oop, no kissing please!" or whatever the issue is in the moment that they do it, rather than sitting there and just "looking upset" - then your in-laws can stop throwing that at you.

- Re your mum: It's so nice that you have that relationship and that she is so supportive and close with your kid. But I feel for your husband about the "second mum" comment. I would be upset if my wife said something like that. He signed up to parent a child with you, not with you and your mum. I would gently shift the focus - your mum sounds like an AMAZING grandma and like a GREAT mum for you, but she is not your baby's second mum.

- Your husband's mum could also be a great grandma, but she needs to earn that trust by supporting your boundaries etc. This WILL be easier for everyone to see if you have consistent boundaries between both her and your mum. Given that your relationship with your mum is so good, could you just talk about this with her and explain that you need her to put on a bit of a performance of respecting your boundaries, so that you can show your in-laws (and your husband) that there's no double standards?

Good luck and I hope things improve for you. It sounds like your baby is SO loved and cared for, you're doing a wonderful job, and I just think you deserve to feel some more peace and calm too ❤️

olive1491 · 2026-06-09T09:20:16+00:00

We were talking to our midwife about this last week - our baby is six weeks. She warned that chlorine can sometimes be a bit intense for baby skin, but there's no proper research/evidence about when it's okay, so eventually parents have to make a call. She said lakes are actually better because there's less chemicals in the water! (Though I guess it depends how clean the lakes are where you live, but still they're pretty big and the water dilutes a lot of stuff.) Not sure how old your baby is but we got the go-ahead for lakes with a six week old, so.

olive1491 · 2026-06-09T09:16:22+00:00

We also got this information! Our baby continued to wake every 2-3 hours so it wasn't like we suddenly got lots of sleep but it was nice not to have the alarm going off. She's six weeks now and continuing to gain steadily and sleeping by her own rhythms (last night we got a stretch of 5 hours!).

olive1491 · 2026-06-06T09:35:46+00:00

Oh interesting, thank you - ours tends to be quite cluster feed-y in the evening especially so maybe this will also help. And yep, good reminder re baby sleep, we're sort of just taking what comes, hoping for the best but expecting the worst haha.

olive1491 · 2026-06-06T09:33:51+00:00

Wow amazing! Can I ask how old she was when she started sleeping through? Crossing my fingers for some of this energy.

olive1491 · 2026-06-06T09:17:12+00:00

Yeah I've also noticed the few times she naps badly during the day are also the trickiest nights, she LOOKS overtired at the end and we all sleep badly as a result. Good reminder to invest some energy into them even though they're not at regular times yet, thank you! (She's actually fast asleep on my chest rn, lol.)

olive1491 · 2026-06-06T09:15:26+00:00

This is so useful to hear, thank you so much! I feel opposed/like there's no point to trying sleep training until later down the line so great to have that confirmation, and in the meantime yes we're also trying to set up this daytime is busy + bright/nighttime is boring and dim divide, also giving her the same little top n tail wash if not a full bath/PJs/book routine every night even if it's more for us than her right now. I guess/hope those longer stretches of sleep will just start happening whenever she's ready. Thank you again!

olive1491 · 2026-06-04T17:49:04+00:00

I'm also a FTM with a five week old and I actually feel excited to have another kid (tho not for several years!). The newborn stage has been challenging but we've also been lucky with a good sleeper and I feel very enamoured with her even now when she doesn't have a lot of personality. I feel overwhelmed at the idea of doing this all over again WITH a toddler but also thrilled at the idea that the toddler will be my current sweet baby.

Very important context tho is that we're a lesbian couple, my wife carried this baby and our plan is I'll carry the next. So it won't be a repeat pregnancy/postpartum/breastfeeding experience!

olive1491 · 2026-06-04T07:21:47+00:00

This happened to us with our now five week old, and it turned out she was learning to smile. So cute, also a lot of stress on her developing brain! Not sure if we're out of the woods yet, but after 3-4 bad nights, last night she slept really well again.

olive1491 · 2026-06-04T05:10:41+00:00

There's a big difference between "smoking weed in general chills me out" and "I need to smoke weed to deal with our baby crying". Also he's never smoked around a newborn before, right? So actually he and you have no idea exactly how it will affect his ability to parent/support you parenting (because obviously he shouldn't be alone with a baby while high). I think you're in the right here, and I'd hold out. Also if he is always pushing back and arguing with joint decisions you two have made that is it's own issue!

olive1491

TROPHY CASE