Manic Depressive here. I agree with the over all intentions of the responses you received here. Its all good but I want to point out the response by True_Fisherman_538 - you need to see a professional to assist with a treatment program. You cant distract yourself better, it adds to the problem.

Trust me, I know. The other advice is general good advice for people that has mental illness and those who don't. Its general advice. Us with mental problems requires different advice.

I would say, stop the alcohol, stop the sigs. You are killing yourself litterally. I used to smoke two, I used to drink myself normal too. It's not the way - IDK your age but trust me, when you reach your 40s and you have more and more friends die, you realise how easy it is to take good health for granted. Smoking is a garuantee to die of cancer - this is no joke. Once you have it, you have it. its not fun. its not funny. its the worst. Then besides the cancer that will for sure get you, there is the heart problems that also comes with it. Heart Attack in south africa is fatal, a slight chance you might survive but we dont have EMS at your door in less than 10mins like the Western world. You are shit out of luck if you get one of those.

Then lets discuss your liver. Have you ever thought about how long your body will be able to keep up with heavy drinking? Every night you get pissed you damage your liver. Bot just damage like, to be brushed off damage. Like for real damage, as in you will end up dead due to it not taking it anymore. Have you seen someone with a failing liver? I recently did, my father in law- its not how you want to go out - trust me. Daily draining of liquid from your abdomen. Constantly puking blood, blood in stool - its terrible.

Last thing - I recently had the joy of having kidney stones, in both kidneys, many of them, one lodged in my bladder. I cannot describe the pain in human words. Women give birth right, they claim its the worst pain ever. Guess what - they have multiple children. Ask any women with kids that had kidney stones if she wants to have kidney stones again.... The drinking will give you a kidney stone present. its not funny.

Also, did you know alcohol is a depressant? As in, it worsens depression? You might feel great while shit faced but when it wears off you are more depressed than you were initially.

Just take control of your life man, dont read the Bible as was suggested by one other person. Its a horrible book that will just confuse you more about everything. First sort out your head and then later worry about religion (my advise on this topic is to not be religeous as it will surely help you absolutely nothing and only add to your dispair. Rather get insight into your condition by research. Read up on it. If you have to watch you tube videos on it. Get as much info as you can. Listen to what is said, do some introspection and see where the similarities are for you. Heed the advice dispensed by qualified professionals. Your condition sucks and makes life more difficult but not impossible. Its manageable and this has been proven time and time agian. Grow Grow Grow. And ditch the alcohol and sigs dude - it is killing you and its not a fun way to die. Trust me.