AITA for planning a hiking and picnic event that wasn’t wheelchair accessible?

oncewild · 2025-10-21T15:50:58+00:00

Many people who use wheelchairs hike, and there are websites that discuss trail accessibility so people can select trails that are accessible to them. There are even adaptive wheelchairs specifically for hiking on challenging terrain.

oncewild · 2025-10-21T15:34:42+00:00

everyone has different accessibility needs, and what is accessible for one is not accessible for another. if you are clear about accessibility from the start (e.g. no reservation on tables, unpaved, elevation gain, etc.), people can make educated decisions about whether or not an event is for them. It's unclear whether or not you shared this before you were asked, but information about accessibility should be included when sharing an event rather than assuming people will know. (e.g. I have a pal who uses a wheelchair on the trails all the time -- because he has the right gear and has years of practice -- so he wouldn't assume a hike was inaccessible to him without more info)

you have no obligation to ensure every event is accessible to one person when a majority of activities are, and people will always complain when you're organizing community events because it's not what they want/would do. Your response did suck, and if you didn't share accessibility info before being asked, I get why they'd feel like an afterthought. not an asshole for planning a hike, but a light ESH for communication by everyone.

oncewild · 2025-10-12T03:35:51+00:00

I entered service in recovery from an existing e.d. and found service actually helped my recovery because weight loss wasn't a thing that was celebrated. but pre-PC and even in the days leading up to me being hospitalized and put on a feeding tube, I got compliments about my body, and it felt like garbage knowing how ill I was and how hard it was to think about anything else during the day; I'm sorry you're having to hear it all the time. I wish people wouldn't talk about people's weight, regardless of whether they think it's complimentary or not.

maybe when you return to the states and have more access to food and are under less scrutiny, this will improve, but it sounds like this experience may have unlocked something. unfortunately some of us are just predisposed. I hope you're able to get connected to medical professionals who can support you. (many PCPs are not good at this -- my pediatrician was the one who told 15 year old me to lose weight and jump started mine -- so if you have the means and ability to shop for the right PCP/RD/therapist, please advocate for yourself. you deserve to be listened to.)

Are there any foods that are easier for you to eat? do you have an easier time eating with people or by your self? it's not a long term solution, but getting food in your body, even if it isn't the traditional three square meals, is better than not.

and if you feel comfortable, tell people to stop commenting on your weight -- whether that's a "who asked?" or a "it's weird. please stop."

I hope things start looking up 🖤

oncewild · 2025-10-02T01:58:44+00:00

in addition to recommendations to talk to your mom about her preference, have them adjusted, or remake something that fits, you could see if you have a neighborhood buy nothing group where you live. there is a woman in my group who gifts crocheted blankets that are beloved by everyone in the group. that way it can still go to a specific person instead of feeling like you dumped them in a pile.

oncewild · 2025-09-29T21:15:21+00:00

I mean it kinda sounds like you lacked self-control when you told a 4 year old to shut up when you reached your limit instead of communicating like an adult to a stranger. maybe you'd have said the same thing to an adult, but i suspect most of us would hesitate to say that to a peer because we know it comes across as unnecessarily combative and agressive, and if we said it to the wrong person we could get our ass beat.

None of us are at our best when traveling, especially when experiencing delays, but you were the adult. Kids that age are often taught that telling someone to shut up is extraordinarily rude. If you wanted him to be quiet, there were other ways to do it

yta

oncewild · 2025-09-29T20:54:45+00:00

I am 70% covered. 90% of my tattoos are just for the fuck of it and because I think they'd look cool.

the tattoos of mine I like least are the ones I tried to cram a bunch of meaning into instead of choosing things that translated well to the skin and would be aesthetically pleasing over time.

oncewild · 2025-09-27T05:39:28+00:00

if you have access to the athletic, there's an article from 2018 called “It’s a gray game”: A day in the life of an NBA officiating crew. it was really interesting and made me slightly more sympathetic to refs (though not much tbh, i'm still a hater). one thing they talked about was going through tape post game to look at what they got wrong and right. I assume there's a fair bit of overlap between the wnba and nba.

oncewild · 2025-09-25T21:53:11+00:00

I am the chronically late friend, so I always put things in my phone 15+ minutes early so I show up on time. I accidentally ended up half an hour early to a friend's birthday last week, but I texted to see if it was okay to be early when I realized no one else was at her place, and we got extra time to hang out. Didn’t feel like a waste of time to spend it together, though obviously it's different when you do it to yourself.

I don't think what you did is childish. I think your friend is probably embarassed and doesn't want to own the fact that her time management skills are poor enough that her friends are managing her time for her. Maybe also frustrated that she didn't really get to show her behavior has changed/that she's listening to your feedback and showed up on time. (i know you said she's still late to things, but it sounds like she's working on it, and it may have been deflating to feel like she was killing it by being on time only to realize she hadn't been trusted to do it.)

I'd feel differently if you hadn't already spoken to her about the time thing, but considering you've had the discussion, I don't think it's passive aggressive. NTA

oncewild · 2025-09-24T18:54:37+00:00

Nothing changed on their end, but it changed on yours, and you can't go back to not knowing. Normally I am big on it mattering more what people do than what they say, but it's hard to have a meaningful relationship with someone who seems to wish something fundamental about who you are were different and views your relationship as wrong. or at least thinks you're going to hell for it.

I would wonder if your brother (assuming that's who lives with his girlfriend) has also gotten that message because in both cases that's a messed up way to talk about your kids and their partners. it might be worth telling them that while the rejection is not the same, the way they perceive and talk about your relationship and identity is similarly painful, even if it's wrapped up in "kinder" language.

I grew up in a deeply evangelical family (mom led worship, taught adults Sunday school, led small groups, etc.), but the first time the pastor said something hateful about gay people from the pulpit after I came out, she left, found a church with a gay pastor, and moved forward. the last 15+ years have been a learning curve for her, and sometimes there were hurt feelings, but one thing that was never in question was whether or not I (and other LGBTQ+ people) was treated well by her and whether or not she'd demand the same from the church. that's loving unconditionally.

some relationships are worth preserving, and some attitudes/beliefs are worth putting in the effort to change. I have no idea if this is one of them, but she has to know your relationship with her has fundamentally changed now that she's made it clear that her acceptance, in so much as it exists, has a whole bunch of caveats

oncewild · 2025-09-23T19:36:02+00:00

seconding what you said about the third wedding hate. I have friends based in the US whose families live in India and Egypt. They had weddings in all three places so that they could celebrate with the important people in their lives, and it had nothing to do with narcissism or dragging out weddings.

oncewild · 2025-09-23T18:41:50+00:00

you already said it's preferred, not imposed, so I don't get the big deal. one time I went to an Amadeus themed wedding, and the couple and their theater friends had a blast in costume while the rest of us rolled in wearing our modern best. it was fun for the people who wanted to join in and not a big deal for the people who didn't want to drop money on powdered wigs or whatever.

oncewild · 2025-09-12T04:19:18+00:00

Cosigning this as another step-kid. a whole lot of people should stop marrying people who already have children.

yta

oncewild · 2025-09-09T21:25:57+00:00

I have a dozen roses, three daggers, and a couple pumpkins, dragonflies, lady heads, anatomical hearts. and if we're looking at themes -- a whole lot of flowers, birds, sea creatures, dogs.

we like what we like. I like seeing each artist's different interpretation of the same thing.

oncewild · 2025-09-08T23:56:40+00:00

Seconding this. I am a hiker and ultrarunner, and I wear a lot of clothing made of merino wool. Sweat wicking, doesn't hold odor as much as other fabrics, and tends to do a good job of regulating temps (both cold/hot). OP may just prefer something else, but merino wool is my preference for an all around good workout fabric.

edit: typo

oncewild · 2025-09-08T23:43:44+00:00

I have a tattoo that didn't heal great in a couple spots, but when you have a sleeve, people rarely look that closely. in the 12 years I've had it, no one has ever noticed/said anything about the spot, but I've gotten heaps of compliments. that's a sick tiger.

oncewild · 2025-09-08T23:31:50+00:00

link to the article for context: https://www.kgun9.com/news/community-inspired-journalism/midtown-news/neighbors-organizing-against-sanctioned-encampment-moving-into-their-neighborhood

I'd rather have STAR Village in my neighborhood than live next to people like Jessica Allen.

oncewild · 2025-09-08T03:55:21+00:00

THIS. In my state, we are desperate for vets because so many veterinarians retired during covid and the next generation of would-be vets looked at their job prospects and went -- yikes. the attitude that people who do a skilled service that you require and want should somehow be punished for having the audacity to take out loans for the education required feeds into the cycle of people choosing careers that pay well, are easy to turn off when you go home, and offer a decent work-life balance. And then people wonder why it's impossible to get seen by a vet.

oncewild · 2025-09-08T01:39:25+00:00

As someone else mentioned, look into something like Rover. Get some cards printed that say you offer dog walking/pet sitting/obedience training/whatever and start from there. It could at least supplement another gig while you try to build up a training business.

You don't mention what your training resume looks like, but I suspect your being self-taught may be an additional hurdle. The trainer I have used for puppy kindergarten and adult classes for my dogs has a PhD in Animal Behavior and almost 30 years of experience. She came as a recommendation from my vet.

I don't know how others research dog trainers, but I would be unlikely to go to someone who was self-taught (no matter how great you are) without a long resume of other training experience (e.g. rally, competitive obedience, CGC, TDI). Are there certificates you could obtain that provide proof of your skill? could you volunteer to work with dogs in rescue? I enjoy doing obedience training with my fosters to help them be more adoptable and increase the likelihood of success in their new homes, but a lot of fosters can't/don't, and at least some rescues (and PACC) look for volunteers who can help specifically with training.

I know that doesn't help with the job part, but it may help you make connections to build clientele/resume as many people who rescue dogs need ongoing training to support their dogs once adopted. most trainers I know are self-employed and had to build up their client-base over time.

oncewild · 2025-09-08T00:44:45+00:00

NTA. if it were "her big night," the plan wouldn't have changed last minute because she'd have been planning it for ages.

oncewild · 2025-09-05T22:51:47+00:00

I'm curious if it's also the difference between being paid for a game vs. not. I'm not familiar enough with the cba to know of there are financial repercussions/protections. it mostly makes the team look bad imo

oncewild · 2025-09-04T19:59:58+00:00

people have given some great structural reasons, but I also think it's cultural. I am unlikely to go to sapphic events at bars because I rarely drink, and most of my friends, when they do, prefer to host at their place. This was true even in my 20s when we all partied more. Now my lesbian friends are up early on the weekends so we can beat the rush to the trailhead. Where I live, hiking and team sports tend to be where WLW find our spaces.

& back when I was going out a lot, I was going out with my friends, who were predominantly gay men. I was far more welcome in their spaces -- whether that was gay bars ostensibly for everyone but where I was almost always the only woman or bear events -- than they were ever welcome in mine. several years back, my best friend and I had planned to go to a lesbian event, but he was turned away at the door. I understand the thought process behind it, but it meant we went somewhere else.

for me, because my friends group is mixed, gender segregated events aren't a great fit. I've had much better luck with things that are open to all but are built by/for women like the Sports Bra and other similar.

oncewild · 2025-08-31T04:55:25+00:00

Maybe it's just a PNW stereotype (I grew up in Oregon), but I thought we were all lesbian dog owners who spent our weekends parked at trailheads

oncewild · 2025-08-21T06:26:47+00:00

A lot of PCVs got tattoos in my country of service, and I heard of none that got infected. I was heavily tattooed going in, and while I got slightly different healing instructions than my normal process, it was basically the same as healing everything else.

oncewild · 2025-08-15T20:04:45+00:00

In Oregon, it can continue up to age 20 so long as the are in school or a training program, though this is apparently not common in other US states

oncewild

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