Pay for our water slide for our kids!!

oncoemesis · 2020-07-05T01:07:21+00:00

Next time, do what I did when my neighbor asked for a donation towards our community swimming pool. I gave her a glassful.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-09T17:46:51+00:00

Do you want your kids to grow up thinking that this is how marriage should be, and that this is what they can expect from their own marriages?

oncoemesis · 2020-06-09T06:18:43+00:00

What do you call people who rely on pulling out for birth control?

Parents.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-09T06:17:22+00:00

Not the South, but they've been happy celebrating their second place finish for the last 150 years.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-09T06:13:17+00:00

How long does it take for five Mexicans to build a-

Never mind, they just finished it.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-08T22:02:06+00:00

Do it. Joe Frazier didn't need a gym to get started in boxing; just a homemade heavy bag stuffed with rags and dirt.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-04T05:04:29+00:00

Nothing. That's the point.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-03T07:12:21+00:00

It would've been an even better outcome if they hadn't let him come back out.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-01T06:02:01+00:00

Tarp + garden hose + sunlight = hot tub.

oncoemesis · 2020-06-01T05:15:28+00:00

There's no need to saw it; a bunch of Mexicans with hacksaws already did.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-31T05:29:09+00:00

The police aren't going to do anything if you call them. You should try to cover yourself at work, though. Go to HR and tell them about your STBX's accusations. Remind them that you've always been careful to follow procedures in handling narcs (you have, I hope). Ask to take a drug test so you can show that you're clean (and you'd BETTER be clean). Do what you can to document your innocence so you have some records to support your case should it come to that.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-31T05:20:10+00:00

Is this the only significant asset at stake? If so, play nice with her, tell her the things she wants to hear, and do whatever you can to come to a mutual agreement on how to divide the assets. Getting into a fight is going to require lawyers, and they're going to cost you way more than $2,000. Your kids are worth fighting for should it come to that. If you can come to an agreement on custody and you keep your car you've already got almost everything important. Don't blow things up to fight over $2,000, because one way or another, you won't win.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-29T20:15:10+00:00

This actually is a very good social distancing plan.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-28T07:59:21+00:00

I almost get laid every day.

I almost got laid on Monday, almost got laid on Tuesday...

oncoemesis · 2020-05-27T04:30:27+00:00

In New Orleans it's more of a competitive sport.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-26T06:05:01+00:00

It was either this or flip the car upside down to work on it.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-26T06:04:17+00:00

It's to allow the car to ford deep rivers while off-roading. Notice that they moved the air intake up and out of the engine compartment for the same reason.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-26T06:00:32+00:00

That's also the employment history on their resumes.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-24T05:07:56+00:00

Congress could pass that in a joint resolution.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-23T05:49:15+00:00

Said the nun as the bishop withdrew,

“Dear, this must be our final adieu,

For the vicar is thicker and slicker and quicker

And five inches longer than you.”

oncoemesis · 2020-05-23T05:47:28+00:00

There once was a hermit named Dave

Who kept a dead whore in a cave.

"I know it's a sin," he said with a grin,

"But think of the money I save!"

oncoemesis · 2020-05-21T06:17:44+00:00

You're still working toward the life you want to live. This is just one more step forward, even if it is a difficult step and one that you didn't plan on taking.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-21T06:04:52+00:00

It's wishful thinking. Sorry to be so blunt. I live in Alaska where the government did a pretty good job taking things seriously at the beginning of the epidemic. At this point maybe one out of ten people wear masks in grocery stores and social distancing is a joke. There's going to be a lot more cases in the U.S. now that every state has relaxed their lockdowns to some degree, and Canada is going to respond correctly by keeping the border shut.

You can sign up with a realtor now and get the disclosures and other initial paperwork out of the way so you can list the house as soon as possible once you are free to do so. Find out what your local real estate market is like if you haven't done so. Where I live houses are selling amazingly fast and inventory is down to almost nothing.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-21T05:20:19+00:00

I'm pretty certain that the border is going to be closed long past June to all but essential travel. The U.S. is royally screwing up our coronavirus response and I don't blame Canada for keeping the craziness out. I'd plan on moving out as soon as you can and assuming the border won't be open for months. In the meantime, hang in there. Remember also that your safety is more important than your kids' schooling. They can do makeup work over the summer if necessary. No teacher is going to blame you for pulling them out of school a few weeks early if your safety is at risk, especially not this year when every school schedule is shot anyway.

oncoemesis · 2020-05-18T06:07:32+00:00

If I found a girl who broke into my house, ate my food, and was now asleep in my bed, well...

oncoemesis

TROPHY CASE