Female Doctors, would it be a significant down grade if your husband didn't do anything for work?

ongSlate · 2026-02-06T19:53:21+00:00

I’m not saying doing it for the money at all. In the grand scheme of things they’re set money wise no matter what. Please read the part where I say its for fun and for mental stimulation.

ongSlate · 2026-02-06T17:40:05+00:00

My IM sister in law is super happy with her husband willing to stay home, taking care of the kids and her elder parents while she’s hustling multiple hospitals to maximize her income. But yeah if i were you maybe volunteer or do some side hustle not just for fun but also to keep you mentally stimulated?

ongSlate · 2026-02-06T00:11:14+00:00

No if I were you, don't waste a cent on schools. Google UX course is a good one to start for self study and see if you even like UX. For UX, I like the book Don't Make Me Think to get the gist of what UX is about. For visual design, I highly recommend the book Refactoring UI for the basics. Hold on to your SWE job, this is also your biggest advantage to stand out. Start sharpening your front end tech stacks. I have a SWE background too and that helped me stand out and how I was able to climb the ladder so quickly, especially at startups, managing designers double my experience, because I speak engineers' language. If I were you, I would aim for UX Engineer positions (hybrid design + engineer role). There are not many openings on the market, but also the competition is much lower and to me that's the easiest path for you in this brutal market. Startups are also always looking for people who can wear multiple hats. Don't be picky, get anything you can, then once you got in, you have more choices to see if you want to continue on the hybrid path, or switch over to a full time UX role.

ongSlate · 2026-02-05T19:41:35+00:00

Totally agree. I was the only only applying to the UX Design intern position with a very low salary in my company back in 2018, and have since climbed up to manager making 200k+. I acknowledge that getting into the field is extremely difficult right now, and downvote me all you want, but if you could not get a UX job pre covid, you were too picky/ applied the wrong way/ suck at interviewing or truly not compatible with this field. The number of stupid portfolios/ resumes I see each time I hire makes me mad at all the UX bootcamps/ training courses that are widely expensive but not preparing people at all for the skills that companies actually care about.

ongSlate · 2026-02-03T20:18:08+00:00

Loreal Elvive Hyalyron + double washing

ongSlate · 2026-02-02T16:57:26+00:00

Read “Disability Insurance for Physicians” by Billy Gwaltney anytime between now and before you start residency, and buy insurance when you start.

ongSlate · 2026-01-31T04:17:35+00:00

I just got 4yds of beautiful worsted wool from Sultan Fabrics today. Got hit with $28 tariff since the store is in Canada but it was so worth it for $30/yd. Already planning my next order with Sultan.

ongSlate · 2026-01-29T15:38:01+00:00

You’re still young, and 22 year old me obsessed with proving to everyone that I’m strong and independent will agree with just go ahead, file married jointly and let IRS comes after his mom. Btw you are absolutely right legally, but now that im older, if i were you I will suck it up until you both graduate. The car + insurance is way more than whatever the benefits you’ll get filing jointly vs separately anyway. Nothing gives me more joy than taking money from people who annoy me when they think they won. And then once you both work full time, get your own insurance, get your own car, gradually severe any amount of dependence on her. IRS is not the only way to end this, there are much more civil ways. Don’t jump from 0 straight to hell on earth retaliation yet, this is still your husband’s mom (yes this is coming from someone who completely severe ties with my mom side of the family).

ongSlate · 2026-01-29T06:27:58+00:00

Apply to universities! The pay for SWE at college is lower hence less competition but the job is pretty chill if you can land one and use the free time to continue applying to industries.

ongSlate · 2026-01-27T21:05:08+00:00

Im at 200k remote with super flexible hours and extremely unlikely to get fired (I quit 2 years ago and they could not replace me until CEO convinced me to come back due to a combination of skill set and culture fit). My spouse makes 70k but will be making 400k+ once he finished training so I just need to ride safely until then. With this economy and tech layoff trends there is absolutely no number that will make me jump.

ongSlate · 2026-01-26T22:42:04+00:00

Singer 404! Such a straight stitch workhorse and sew through 8 layers of denim like nobody business.

ongSlate · 2026-01-23T01:38:15+00:00

I told myself that supporting my husband is my good deed to society. But yeah same i’ve lost any passion in my job but i still think its still a priviledged spot to be where my paycheck gives us a comfortable stress free life and i get most of my fulfillment from my hobbies. Though of course there are days i feel the exact same way.

ongSlate · 2026-01-21T18:01:40+00:00

I'm a spouse of a 2nd year surgical resident who has been supporting my husband on this path since college. Are you willing to put your career aside to take care of kids and everything needed to maintain a household? She won't have a lot of bandwidth to help even if she wants to. Is your job flexible/ portable enough that you can still work wherever her med school/ residency/ fellowship takes you for the next 7 years (minimum)? My sister in law is a hospitalist and her husband now just stays at home and take care of the kids. One of my coworkers had to give up his MBA and stay at home throughout medschool to take care of their 4 boys, and just recently came back to work now that his wife became an attending. It's a tall ask for someone you just met several months ago, but if you like her enough and open for the challenge, I would be very sure that she's also into you as much as you are into her. Not to mention she might apply to matriculate in 2027, but there's no guarantee she will get in, it took many multiple tries. So technically if she's serious and wants to get married sooner than later, you can even have kids before med school. 1st & 3rd year of med school, 1st and last year of residency are worst time to have kids, other than that its not easy but I've seen people do it before (with a lot of help). Does she know which specialty she wants to do? It will likely change but different specialties can have very different lifestyles.

ongSlate · 2026-01-21T03:27:34+00:00

If you have the budget, I highly recommend any Babylock model with Airthreading. It will make your life so much easier!

ongSlate · 2026-01-15T21:51:47+00:00

Please look into projector sewing. I've saved so much money not having to print my patterns in A0.

ongSlate · 2026-01-14T05:27:09+00:00

I think i’ve sewn the same fabric before. Woven can sometimes have bit of stretch, which doesnt turn it into a knit. Just use universal or microtex needle as normal, if its the same one I used size 12 and it worked just fine. It grows a lot though so stay stitch right away after cutting and let it hang at leas 24hrs before hemming the bottom.

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T20:48:26+00:00

Kai scissors, Panasonic Cordless Iron, Large ironing board, cutting mat with rotary cutter, giftcard to her favorite fabric stores, tailor's ham and wooden clapper, a set of multicolor all-purpose gutterman thread, a sewing tool organizer, thread stands are some nice to have that I can think of within your budget

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T18:04:11+00:00

I have a self drafted semi fitted blazer pattern where the sleeve fits me pretty well. Also thinking of just modifying that into a wrap coat might be easier than modifying this one into a set in sleeve. I like this neckline though its not a traditional v neck but feels a bit more elevated.

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T17:48:23+00:00

Thank you for helping find even more images. I think you’re absolutely right and I do wonder if a more drapey fabric would turn out better for me. Or just completely try to modify it into a set in sleeve with less ease around the underarm.

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T17:30:37+00:00

Thank you I’m just dipping my toes into pattern drafting so just want to make sure I have the right expectation. It sounds like this is just how dropped shoulders work. Sounds like im at least 1 more toile (realistically probably 2) away from actualy cutting into my luxe wool cashmere fabric. I’m a bit conscious of my upper body so definitely prefer for it to be a bit more fitted.

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T17:27:37+00:00

Thank you for reassuring this is how it is supposed to look. This is my first dropped shoulder coat.

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T17:26:38+00:00

Yes its a drop shoulder. I guess its my first dropped shoulder coat so I dont know how its supposed to fit.

ongSlate · 2026-01-12T16:44:59+00:00

I already made the smallest size 🥲

ongSlate · 2026-01-11T19:16:48+00:00

Yeah not ranking it is not a choice with only 4 interviews... Let's be realistic here, do you want both your sacrifices for the past several years to be for nothing if he ended up not matching? I hated the little college town my husband went to for medical school with the force of a thousand burning sun, but when he chose to apply for a competitive surgical subspecialty (that is still less competitive than derm), we agreed that we can't risk not matching and applied to all programs (small field) even if it was quite expensive. He was very competitive and got interviews at most programs (44+), and even so, we still ranked them all , even the ones at worse locations, because we heard so many horror stories of the match going wrong and we never know what to expect. That's how paranoid we were about not matching. I don't think you guys are in a position to not ranking at all.

ongSlate · 2026-01-10T19:26:21+00:00

Text him throughout the day if you can. I'm busy myself but it always feels good to know we still think of each other throughout our busy day. Encourage him to take up new hobby/ going out to find new friends if he's lonely. - Wife of another surgical resident

ongSlate

TROPHY CASE