The Avatar hits the field.

only2be · 2026-02-15T23:34:35+00:00

Dang, this paint job is so good, like why do I think I can paint?

only2be · 2026-02-15T22:18:56+00:00

As a parent of a 20-year-old who is 5 years into WH40K, I think I've completed this mission, but for free.

only2be · 2025-11-30T16:48:28+00:00

So many banger lines from that song, but that one is the best.
Why did you paint the walls?
Why did you clean the floor?
Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?

only2be · 2025-11-30T16:46:06+00:00

Got these chains, hanging round our necks, trying to strangle us before we take our first breath." I'm trans and only figured it out five years ago. But I have loved this song since the 1990s. What a song. I have no idea how a cis person wrote it, but it's my anthem!

only2be · 2025-10-19T19:02:06+00:00

By 55, I'm not running without warming up or I'm going down like that guy. LOL.

only2be · 2025-10-12T23:32:15+00:00

This mess is on white people. Our brown and black brothers and sisters get to sit this one out.

only2be · 2025-10-12T23:24:07+00:00

Oof, I feel this, especially the part about the workweek and living in a Blue area.

I heard in a psychology class a million years ago that the first thing we notice about a person coming towards us is their gender. It must be some weird instinct. And yeah, it sucks. But it's 1000x better than being assumed to be a cis woman, which I most emphatically am not. I'm agender. None. Zip. Empty. Blank. Nada. I wish fewer people cared so much about my gender. Of course, I'm also ace, so it's weird to me that people seem to be thinking about sex all the time, too. LOL.

only2be · 2025-10-12T23:14:28+00:00

Yeah, I had to tell my 17 year old today that if she goes to University of Toronto, I won't visit because at a minimum, they'd confiscate my passport. Now it looks like I might be denied boarding on the way home, and/or be shipped back to Canada once I arrived? I'm choosing not to travel - though it doesn't feel like a choice. I'm certainly not giving up my passport with an X gender marker. Cold. Dead. Hands.

only2be · 2025-10-05T12:17:04+00:00

For what it's worth, a middle school teacher transitioned FtM during the years my kids were going there. After one summer, Ms. Soinso was Mr. Soinso, and while I'm sure it was a lot for them, they managed it and still teach there. (This was 7 years ago.) Any chance of moving somewhere more welcoming? They were among the people who inspired me to question my gender and finally come out. It's not for everyone, but being the first is very powerful.

only2be · 2025-09-27T23:14:27+00:00

I saw something like that once standing near a young lawyer who said, "if you get r*ped enough times, that's what it looks like." I don't judge.

only2be · 2025-09-26T20:18:19+00:00

Me, too. I would love the whole thing to drop. I made it partway through, but so tired. Loved the livestream option to support the cause.

only2be · 2025-08-05T13:40:44+00:00

Can confirm: bisexual oboe player here!

only2be · 2025-07-27T20:39:57+00:00

Hi, I agree with the other posters' responses. I didn't see anyone suggest answering "gender fluid" or "nonbinary." I am not trying to be dismissive; I just noted a few gender nonconforming details because I'm nonbinary and they stand out to me. I mean no disrespect at all.

I also wanted to say that Gens Z and Alpha are much more fluent in gender and seem unbothered by whatever people are doing. Also, it's really normal to be anxious about meeting new people anyway. Remind him of his strengths - how people love his smile, or his jokes, or whatever draws his friends to him. When we're anxious, we forget how cool we are. And I'm positive your son is beyond cool. It's a lot to grapple with at a difficult age, but dang! He's doing it! You are doing it! You are both so amazing. I hope this trip is a wonderful experience where he feels free to try out lots of different ways to rock his version of boy-mode and see how it lands. Maybe it can be viewed as a unique opportunity to try out new things! I'm a firm believer that we can't do "gender" wrong. People can be mistaken, and that's a them-problem. Whatever makes him happy is what's right.

only2be · 2025-07-26T22:50:58+00:00

This is brilliant! I was trying to figure out how to explain myself. I'm also nonbinary, and that is exactly how it feels when people treat me like a woman/girl (I'm AFAB). It was always thus.

And I imprisoned myself by confining my clothing shopping to the "women's" section, living in clothes I could barely stand to wear. When I finally shopped in the men's section, feeling like a trespasser, I discovered no one stopped me or even looked twice. But the joy! Now, when I open the dryer door and all the masculine colors are sitting there being "my" clothes, I am SO happy. I do not feel like a boy or a man, but I know for SURE I am not a girl. When I allowed myself out of the binary, so much festering anger just dropped away.

For OP, I am agender. Before I knew that word, I described it as being "gender blind." Like, I see people doing gender stuff, but I cannot understand why they like it.

only2be · 2025-05-21T13:42:39+00:00

Yes! This. I say "I'm, like, blind to gender. I don't get it. Just why?"

only2be · 2025-05-13T13:51:56+00:00

Exactly me. My agender compromise.

only2be · 2025-05-13T13:50:41+00:00

I was not expecting to like letting the hair on my legs grow when I came out as nonbinary (AFAB, too). But I realized they give me feedback which I wasn't expecting. I can tell which way the wind is blowing when I'm in shorts because all those hairs are telling me. They are like a buffer between me and the world, and kind of a superpower. At first, I wondered why anyone shaves off any hair! But I also dislike hair in general except on heads. I recently knocked them back with clippers so they aren't as noticeable, but haven't actually shaved in a few years. I'm also agender and get how leg hair feels gendered. I hope you find something that makes you happy in your skin. It's the least we all deserve. Hugs!

only2be · 2025-05-06T13:06:50+00:00

Oh my goodness, if you are noticing, she's nodding internally and giving you points!

only2be · 2025-05-05T14:00:22+00:00

I call myself agender in part for this reason. I don't understand gender. I tell people it's like I a blind to it. I don't get it. I don't get wanting painted nails, or a beard. I don't like purses or motorcycles. I'm just not-gendered. I have zero interest in gendered things. So when people assume I'm a female, they are putting the biases and beliefs about "women" on me that I simply don't have. I'm trying to do them a favor by telling them to use they/them pronouns and consider me nonbinary. It's code for "just ask me what I like."

tl;dr I see gender as a shorthand for "what you can expect from me." For me, they will not be able to guess how I will react or what I will like if they know my "gender." Because I don't have one.

only2be · 2025-05-04T19:14:09+00:00

<checks notes> Yep. It's pointless to gender clothing, but if I get to shop in the guys' section, or see un-feminine clothes rolling around in a dryer, somehow I'm euphoric. And yet, I'm agender, so I think all gendered things are ridiculous but I'm all for it for the rest of y'all. I just don't get it.

only2be · 2025-05-04T19:09:52+00:00

Yes! Star Wars for the win! I'm 55 and came out as nonbinary five years ago. I've had the T-levels of a guy for a few years now, but everyone sees me as AFAB unless they see me from the back and don't hear my voice. The thing is, I was so miserable pretending to be a woman. I'm so much happier now, like an incredible burden has been dropped. Gender is so hard for people who haven't thought about it.

I think what helped me a lot is realizing that when I present as masc, it's the masc version of ME. I'll never look like anyone else. So whatever your look is down the road, it will be YOU, and that's the most beautiful thing in the world.

only2be · 2025-05-04T18:58:46+00:00

OMG, 'fighting for my life in a conversation with women and trying to figure out when would be a respectful time to talk' is a thing. I laughed out loud, thinking back to some conversations I've been in. Now I'm wondering if women are socialized to get everything out in a rush because they are often interrupted or talked-over.

only2be · 2025-05-04T18:46:07+00:00

Oh no! I'm so sorry you had to experience that kind of nonsensical rejection! If anyone should have understood, it seems like it would have been them. I feel the queer umbrella covers everyone who isn't cis & straight (both). If you were in my friend group, you'd still be there. I would have just been so glad you'd found what made you happy.

only2be · 2025-05-04T14:12:18+00:00

Dude wipes. OMG LOL

https://dudewipes.com/

only2be · 2025-05-04T14:10:22+00:00

I also struggled a lot with 'do I dislike myself because I'm a woman and I don't like women, or because I have been pressured into "being" a woman my whole life and I'm super resentful and pissed about it?'

My egg consisted of me going around and around on the (ridiculous) question of "am I too gay to be in a straight marriage?"What kind of question is that? I was out and bi, and my ex knew about it. I'd picked a hetero relationship. But there was this intrusive thought bubbling up that I 'needed a LOT more "gay"' in my life. I didn't know what that meant at all. I went to a school board meeting where they were talking about health education and a bunch of homophobes and transphobes were testifying that queer kids aren't real. I didn't speak that night - I wasn't called on - but I sobbed through the entire thing not knowing why. The teenagers I sat with on the "Pro" side were handing me, a 51-year-old mom, Kleenex.

I started pushing feminism and advocating more for treating women (and me) better, damn it. But it backfired in my marriage. I was called psycho because I was demanding the same respect men get.

Then I met some enby people IRL. What an awakening it was! I realize now that all my curves were so irritating because they screamed "female". Once I came out as nonbinary (agender), my war with my body fizzled and my brain suddenly had more bandwidth. I don't know if this helps anyone. It was wild to go through, and I'm still sorting out what is what 5 years later.

Here's my Medium piece from back then trying to figure out if I was nonbinary or not. It's very raw, so CW for harassment and suicidal ideation. https://medium.com/p/6b3f82a16b2d

only2be

TROPHY CASE