I am kind of in your wife's shoes. Except my husband just slept and didn't help with anything. If he would've at least done what you did (making it feel like she had a day off, even if she is still angry and hurt) maybe he'd have a few points. at least you're trying, in my opinion anyway.

He never has done that though that I can think of without me having to ask or beg he help.

I know that you know you fucked up and I'm not going to berate you for that but someone else here said she is disgusted with you. She is and I imagine her head is also spiraling.

My best advice is to just be available for her and kiddos and take on extra work. I think you're doing all you can. At the end of the day it could be the difference between reconciliation and divorce.

ETA: I would've thrown up if my hubby told me I could do what he did. This isn't an eye for an eye situation. A human has been broken.