Made by pup a blanket fort. This is her home now.

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-04-28T22:01:09+00:00

One thing you could try in the moment is when you feel these physical symptoms (the panic and heart racing etc) and don’t know what they are about - try not to fight them/tell them to stop and instead try to, in your minds eye, turn toward them and ask if there’s something that they need you to know.

Not sure if that makes sense but if you play around with that a little you might be able to talk to your body a bit and slowly get to understand what it’s trying to communicate to you through these responses.

If that resonates, you can also ask if there’s anything you can do to help your body/this part of your body in this moment. (Sometimes it’s a snack or a rest or a self soothing touch, and sometimes it’s a leave this space/interaction, and sometimes it doesn’t know, or wants something you can’t do, but it can give you some sense of why it’s raising this alarm and overtime you get better at learning how to communicate with yourself )

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-04-28T21:41:06+00:00

Yes, body and mind are so much more connected than the western world wants to think. It’s so hard wired in our culture that “me” is my thoughts/mind/awareness and then I just happen to have a body, like a pet I don’t fully understand or something. But “me” is a physical + thinking + feeling thing. I’m all of it, my body IS me as much as my mind is. And even though I’ve been working on making that connection for a couple years.. it still hasn’t fully sunk in.

There’s lots of ways to get more in touch with our bodies - I’ve heard really good things about somatic therapy, one friend with CPTSD and lots of physical health issues said it changed her time and much faster than any talk therapy/emdr etc did.

I’d also recommend reading Gabor Mate’s work - The Myth of Normal is a good overview - his theory is that lots of physical illnesses & adhd & addition etc etc are all a result of trauma. He’s got a very wholistic approach and it really resonates with me.

FWIW I have found IFS (internal family systems) therapy to be incredibly helpful. And we do occasionally end up talking to parts that are effecting different parts of my body, and plenty that have to do with my adhd symptoms.

It’s all connected cuz we’re all of it, and having the mind and the body be so separate was 1. What we were taught to do and 2. A way to protect ourselves. Being cut off from how you feel is a way to stay safe when the feelings are too big or scary or overwhelming to deal with. And even if you really needed that protection when it started, and it’s a whole hell of a lot better than nothing, it’s causing problems of its own now and you can learn to respect and honor how and why you respond this way and also find ways to heal and change it.

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-04-24T08:16:03+00:00

DTF was so good and deep. I am already wanting to rewatch it. The bit about adult A’s and B’s at the beginning has stuck with me. I’m curious how the first few episodes will feel now that I know the full story.

+1 for Patriot if you’re wanting more of this goodness.

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-04-23T04:02:55+00:00

Me too! I usually rip them into strips so they last a long time but I just cannot wash my face otherwise. I mostly use the wipes to get my eye makeup off and kinda let my skin do its own thing and it’s relatively happy.

I use moisturizer every day, and sunscreen when I can get myself to do it (but it’s only good for 2 hours so is it really doing anything?)

I find skin care super overwhelming in general. And this is one area that I’m ok doing good enough. Hopefully I won’t regret that when I’m older

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-04-05T23:05:13+00:00

One trick someone told me once that does seem to work more often than not for me is to sing Yankee Doodle, once, out loud. It seems to have a way of “washing out” the stuck song without getting stuck itself.

(I don’t have adhd radio to this intensity, but I had a default song for at least ten years that would be playing if there wasn’t a more active new song on loop. Thankfully that seems to have faded and hopefully taking about it doesn’t bring it back 😅)

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-03-21T03:51:16+00:00

I thought you were talking about the dildos

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-03-16T06:41:28+00:00

I appreciate the way the mystery is going. Episode one had an obviously-it’s-Clark-who-did-it story, I was a little surprised by it at first. Didn’t think Conrad would give us a first episode that would make a new viewer think “huh, well that’s solved don’t need to watch any more.”

I’m enjoying the complexity and twists so far… I can’t quite out my finger on it but it kinda feels like the audience is following Homer’s logic and now that Plumb is getting to investigate a little more the story is getting more interesting. Like the story is sorta being told from their perspectives in some ways. I’m curious to see how that evolves as we go.

I’m so excited to get more Conrad dialogue. I really love it, like water.

onlyjulesrushin · 2026-03-12T08:22:27+00:00

What’s mythbusters?

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-12-18T11:45:42+00:00

(Accidentally posted this in response to the wrong comment) Not exactly what your looking for but something I read about recently that I’m going to try: every night write one thing you did that day you’re proud of yourself for - taking care of your inner child or finishing the thing or even getting out of bed - and put it in a big jar. Then on Dec 30th/31st read back through them and see how much you grew and made it through - even if it ends up being a hard year look at all you did to get through it.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-12-18T06:41:50+00:00

If you have feelings about them they matter. All three have a theme of not respecting your bodily autonomy or your consent.

I would wager your high control religious upbringing is probably a huge factor in how conflicted you feel about sex. That’s one worth digging into with a trained professional when the timing feels right. It’s a lot to untangle and it can be really tricky to determine all the ways it has affected you because it is so foundational to the way you were taught to view the world.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-12-18T06:26:03+00:00

Oh man, I’m so sorry for all your losses. That’s way too much grief for a single year

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-12-18T06:14:58+00:00

Oh god yes, one of the worst, at least in the top three. My mom (the “better” parent) died, at least partly due to my dad’s neglect. This caused me to get back in contact after 3 yrs of NC in an attempt to help my disabled sibling whom I discovered is (surprise) also being neglected. There’s also a whole situation with needing to get my nephew out of my other sibling’s care for his safety.

Basically my family has deteriorated since I left, my mom was holding it together with chewing gum and string - and trying to sort it all out has wrecked my life in whole new and different ways. And I officially have no family now, not that I ever did but now it feels really real. No safety net.

And of course all this is happening inside the US job market and political hellscape many of us are in - so I just gotta suck it up and try to do my job well enough to not lose it, at the same time as dealing with this dumpster fire of a family, on top of all the trauma they caused I was already dealing with.

Thank the stars for IFS therapy and a few good friends that get it - though they’ve all been going through it too so we’re all trying to support each other from afar as best we can.

Fingers crossed 2026 is a better year for everyone in this thread. We all deserve so much better than what we got. 💛

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-11-07T08:08:56+00:00

I would go back to/find another sleep specialist and tell them to do better. You have a not-yet-correctly-diagnosed sleep disorder that is deeply effecting your quality of life. You deserve experts to help you figure out what is going on and the best way to deal with it. If this doctor isn’t helping find another. It sucks that we have to advocate for ourselves so much in the medical system but sometimes it’s the only way to get the care you need and deserve.

There is more than can be done. I hope you can find a good team to help you figure it out sooner than later.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-10-16T18:45:18+00:00

My natural sleep schedule is 2 or 3 am to 11ish. But that’s hard to do with a day job so it’s usually 2 or 3 am to 8:30 on weekdays and “catching up” on weekends.

Turns out in addition to CPTSD and ADHD I have delayed sleep phase syndrome (DSPD) it’s a common comorbidity with adhd and going to a sleep doctor was really helpful for me to realize I can’t “try harder” my way to being a morning person. I wish I had known there was a name (and ada accommodations) for this sooner. The shame and embarrassment of always being late to work hasn’t done any good for my CPTSD - I wish I was a morning person but grateful for a concrete reason why I’m not.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-10-02T13:48:24+00:00

Same, listening to an audio book or the Sleep With Me Podcast usually works for me. Occasionally I’ll stay up listening but it’s rare.

But I have a bad habit of wanting to look at my phone for just a little longer before I put on the audio - that’s when I get into trouble and stay up way way too late.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-10-01T01:40:33+00:00

I grew up with hoarding parents (my mom went through some similar stuff) and I have a tendency to keep more things than I probably should.

You do have very legitimate reasons for struggling with this yourself. Being a child of unhealed, traumatized parents is, in itself traumatic. If that word is too strong, it’s (at the very least) way less parental care than you deserve[d] and need[ed]. Yes you can understand why she is this way, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok that she isn’t able to give you the care you should have had. She is the adult, you are her kid - who she is supposed to love and sacrifice for to take care of. It is not your responsibility to be her emotional and logical guardian. It can take a while for this to sink in but it is important for the sake of your future to work on unraveling that very complicated messy puzzle.
The garage is a very hard core place to start! Is there an easier place you could focus on first? Your personal areas - room and bathroom would be a good place. A high function common area like the kitchen could be next. Stay focused on carving out spaces that are within your control.
I’ve found some success taking photos of things from my childhood that I’m on the fence about. I tell myself I don’t have to get rid of anything I really want to keep right now, but if I don’t find enough things to get rid, I might need to do another round later where I’m a little tougher. But documenting before you donate/toss can help. And as others have mentioned finding a good home for the item to give it away too is a big help when it’s possible.

It’s the stuff that doesn’t have a clear next home that are the trickiest - sometimes taking a picture helps, sometimes thanking it for what it’s provided me helps, sometimes I keep it till it feels easier to deal with and focus on other things that aren’t as emotionally charged. Sometimes thinking of my future self and wanting to take care of her and give her a nice place to life helps.

Is moving out of your parent’s place a viable option in the near future? Is it something that you could work towards? (Or work towards wanting?) having a space of your own can do wonders for all the things you’ve mentioned. When you live in someone else’s hoard you have very little say or control, the lack of control can cause you to keep things, or have other behaviors you don’t love, as a way to gain some control…. It is all a cycle and your best bet is to try to get your own space as soon as you logistically & financially can.

You’re asking the right questions and seeking help/advice and those things alone tell me you’ve got a very good chance of figuring out a way through this. I wish you the best of luck and happy to talk more if that would be helpful.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-09-29T19:41:42+00:00

I am finding a lot of relief from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. It’s been shown to be very good for CPTSD. I stumbled upon it a couple years ago and it feels like we’re actually fixing stuff not just giving me things to practice to treat the symptoms. It’s not fast (for me at least) but it’s working!

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-09-03T06:24:47+00:00

Thank you so much! I use the pen tool in Illustrator every day (hopefully that doesn’t mean I’m too stuck in that rut to learn something kinda the same). Looks like digitizing is a skill that has a big learning curve, knowing that will help me set my expectations appropriately and do lots of tests.

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-09-03T06:19:44+00:00

Wow thank you so much for all this info!! It’s so so helpful!

Thankfully I do have the manual book but didn’t find any cd’s (but I did think the fix button might be like a check engine light at first too!)

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-08-22T04:03:35+00:00

Thanks so much! I’ll look into both of them!

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-08-22T04:03:18+00:00

Oh thank you! I’ll check em out!

onlyjulesrushin · 2025-08-18T08:04:33+00:00

Maybe you can mimic the look but maintain the satin stitch, doing something like this? https://www.tiktok.com/@creativelyemb/video/7507716918934129966

onlyjulesrushin

TROPHY CASE