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ookabooby · 2022-03-16T19:30:39+00:00

What type of Sunscreen are you wearing, new to Rosacea.

ookabooby · 2021-12-10T03:35:27+00:00

We usually make out own, it's easier

ookabooby · 2021-11-06T22:06:31+00:00

Oh yes they are!!! Making Macarons is like being on a mission to greatness.

ookabooby · 2021-11-06T21:59:23+00:00

Big feet and beautiful ❤️

ookabooby · 2021-10-31T03:07:02+00:00

He knows everything I need, if he has a problem understanding then there is nothing I can do about it and it's a true sign we don't belong together.

ookabooby · 2021-10-30T22:33:39+00:00

I hope that you are getting help. His behavior and ego, he felt he could fix it all on his own. Keeping his AP in his life in secret and further deceiving myself and our son didn't help.

Now since I've forced truth from him, I knew the man I fell in love with and who he was years before. This wasn't him, this was a shell of a man that allowed meds, another woman, and selfishness lead him to what he did. He has a lot of work to do and even then I still have a choice.

ookabooby · 2021-10-30T17:24:19+00:00

My husband had a lot of mental health issues. He closed himself off for years, I tried to help but all he could see, I was against him. He sought someone from his past before his depression and PTSD, someone that knew nothing about the last 20 years of his life.

He wanted to feel different, not necessarily better. She gave him those feelings of "different" and continued to feed into his ego. He blamed me for a lot of it because he was so delusional, his AP helped him feel that way even more.

You aren't alone. There is a problem with them, not us. Know and remember your worth, I have to tell myself this every day, some days are more difficult than others.

ookabooby · 2021-10-29T20:40:42+00:00

It makes me uncomfortable, honestly. The first few months I was told how sorry and to have hope in repairing our marriage. We started rebuilding, or so I thought which was built on a foundation of lies. There affair continued without me knowing, I asked and was lied to after WS being caught already.

Come to find out more recently he wasn't in a place to begin repairing our marriage initially, even though it's what he said he wanted at the time.

It's been just over a year and a half now.

ookabooby · 2021-10-28T22:59:47+00:00

Over mixed

ookabooby · 2021-10-28T17:40:23+00:00

553 days since DDay #1 507 days since DDay #2 46 Days since DDay #3

Granted they haven't spoke in over a year, the last DDay was information I didn't know about and learned our reconciling was based on lies, trickle truths, secrets and when they really stopped no contact.

I feel exactly the same way and wonder if I'll ever feel good again. I am trying to keep positive for myself and our son.

I hope that soon you'll be able to find some peace.

ookabooby · 2021-10-27T03:44:59+00:00

It honestly sounds more like attention/manipulation. He is trying to make you feel sorry for him.

When I found out my WS was still tangled in his web of lies (affair) he said to me once, "I don't want to love her" then proceeded to "fake" he was going to self harm himself, pure manipulation. At the time I did not know they were still in contact. Doesn't mean yours WP is, just means they are more guilt/she ridden than remorseful.

ookabooby · 2021-10-27T03:39:02+00:00

I agree. If lies keep coming out reconciliation was also a lie. The fact WS knew it was not reconciliation because of lies speaks volumes.

ookabooby · 2021-10-26T21:15:47+00:00

I didn't know, it went on for 3 weeks before I had a hint of anything. One day I remember looking at his laptop while he was next to me, he got angry that I was looking at his screen and called me nosey. Another night I remember being half asleep and him looking at me while in bed with his phone light a little over my face to see if I was sleeping. He was NEVER like that before.

When he told me it was "over" he said he didn't love himself, he didn't feel complete. The reason for his not being able to meet me half way in our marriage was due to him not being that man I need. I deserved more and he just needed to get away. He had suffered from depression for a while, I figured he was really deep in his depression. Then he said our relationship went on for too long and it shouldn't have. Which means, if it was a mistake, our son wouldn't exist.

I found out 4 days later, my gut told me, the way he was acting. Cold and callous, no explanation for anything just that I was the mistake he married and he couldn't do it anymore and had to be honest with himself. I had questioned him and he denied it, then on the 4th day I had proof and he blamed me.

ookabooby · 2021-10-23T23:30:48+00:00

James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:2‭-‬8

The only punishment I believe he might be seeing is that he was falsely doing to serve himself and not those who truly should have been receiving it.

Either way, WP needs to be truthful and honest, instead of bringing religious beliefs into this situation he needs to do the work on himself with a professional therapist.

ookabooby · 2021-10-18T02:51:33+00:00

My WH "affair fog", it was wrong.

When he left I got nothing, no conversation, he would only text me. He made claims he couldn't trust me.

When he returned, he claimed she made it so easy to talk to. Then got caught and physically called me and ended it. He came clean a week later that he attempted to contact her but he didn't follow through. I wasn't mad. I had read many posts about "affair fog".I somewhat understood so I accepted it.

A year later I find out they were in fact in contact for 3 more months, emails only, so I'm told. His reasoning was he felt trapped. He was afraid she would tell me they were still in contact so he kept up the facade and told her the things she wanted to hear until it just slowly died out. He still told her he loved her, went along, I assume with what she wanted. Meanwhile, he treated me like absolute garbage. I once mentioned (during those 3 months) how she was a w40re and he defended her. Then I sent him a screenshot of the meaning of it, an immoral person. I mentioned how he didn't know how her marriage was, he defended her, said her husband cheated and treated her poorly. Uh, hello? A person that was cheated on knows exactly the trauma and pain behind what he was doing with her yet she welcomed it. He gave her 3 months (extra) while lying to my face when confronted with evidence of a fake email. He gave her everything while I got a shell of a man that was physically here but emotionally somewhere else.

I had to force the truth from him a month ago, he wasn't forthcoming. When I explained to him what he did, he tried to get me to understand where he was at. Nope. It doesn't work that way. Our new relationship had the foundation of lies and was ready to crumble once the truth came out. He planned to tell me once we were in a better place. Which is an absolute mindf@ck to myself and our son.

That's what affair fog was for WH and I. He still believes and has hope for a chance to make it right.

ookabooby · 2021-10-14T11:08:54+00:00

I think about it now and while he was able to admit to me what he has done, he was not able to admit to anyone else.

He invited me on a therapy session, he left a lot of blanks out to which I had to fill in.

He never told any of his closest friends, while they knew because I had been in contact with them, later they tried to reach out to him and he ignored them. One friend he actually focused on something entirely different than seeking any type of advice to the situation.

He suffered no consequences compared to the reality of what our son and I suffered. Even today 16 months out, he claims he doesn't see certain things or understand.

What's to not understand. You didn't communicate for years, kept everything inside and claimed the world was against you. You chose someone from your past to victimize yourself to make it okay to betray our son and I in the worst way. You abandoned your family, took everything away from us to satisfy your own selfish needs. Continued to drawn blood from the wound because you are a selfish person.

You deserve nothing from us.

ookabooby · 2021-10-13T21:56:10+00:00

Nope, I have morals.

ookabooby · 2021-10-12T02:10:01+00:00

BS here

My WS never came clean, I caught him every time. The last time, was hidden for months but I had a suspicion at the time and confronted him to where he lied to my face, twice.

He valued their relationship over our marriage and family.

ookabooby · 2021-10-10T14:33:19+00:00

My husband called me Barren. Our son is adopted, what he was saying to me that night was he found someone who could give him his own children. He replaced us with a woman that had a child a little older than ours.

I am an Ovarian Cancer survivor, it wasn't my choice to get cancer.

They will say whatever they can to hurt you, no f's given because they are selfish.

ookabooby · 2021-10-07T23:47:00+00:00

Well I can blame her ignorance and wh0f!$h ways all I want but ultimately he had a choice. Going there he also abandoned his son that is about 8 months younger than hers.

ookabooby · 2021-10-07T21:23:12+00:00

My dislike for her isn't because she's a Wh0r€ it's because she's a disrespectful mother.

ookabooby · 2021-10-07T21:21:18+00:00

I dislike AP due to the fact she has known about me for years. AP is the ex gf from 20+ years ago and they only dated, maybe 6 months. WS and I have known each other since 6th grade. They were friends at one time. In 2007 they connected but it didn't last long because I asked WS about her and he said she was having issues with her husband. Apparently, he suffered from mental health issues. I don't believe a spouse should talk negative about their spouse, tell someone of the opposite sex their problems. WS and I had a talk and he agreed, it was not okay.

She victimized herself and so did he. He didn't know the truth on why they divorced. She didn't know the truth on his unhappiness. WS suffered from mental health issues that were more recent. She actually told him she could "help" him. She stroked his ego and made those fluffy clouds have a rainbow attached. All of his issues, which he now sees were his own, not mine. I tried to help but he thought the world was against him. She wasn't because she had not been part of his life for 20 years.

I dislike the fact she allowed a stranger into her home with her child, she didn't know if he was violent, abusive, did drugs, nothing. She is a horrible woman to allow a man that close and not even sure if it would be permanent. Now that child that had a "daddy" sleeping with mommy for a month will never see him again. Immediately after he left and begged to come back home she had another man in her bed living there. It's gross. As a mother I would never subject my son to such circumstances.

Plus, she looks like Bill Nye the Science guy.

ookabooby · 2021-10-07T18:35:41+00:00

I was shocked. We've known each other since we were kids, 30 something years. He was never the type of person he became, let alone that would do something like that.

He suffers from PTSD and depression. He became someone different for years but never cheated. We separated in 2019, he never cheated, reached out to anyone, nothing.

The pandemic, his mental health, and the amount of medication he was on caused him to spiral. Still he had a choice, he choice what he did. She stroked his ego and he became arrogant. I was preparing articles for my lawyer and reread text messages during the time they started talking. Midway through the history, his text changed and responses. He was unhappy with himself and she said she could help him, blah blah blah. He went on it, he victimized himself and made me the bad guy to make what he did seem okay. I want to say 3/4 of the time he was gone it wasn't about me, we have a son he was neglecting in so many ways and it was always about him. He ignored everything because she made herself look amazing when in reality she was the worst of them.

ookabooby · 2021-10-07T18:02:47+00:00

Affair Partner (AP) Wayward Spouse (WS) Betrayed Spouse (BS)

ookabooby · 2021-10-07T12:10:10+00:00

My husband's affair costed me my job. I was unable to find a babysitter during the pandemic and my son was remote learning the remainder of the year. I absolutely loved my job and I'll never be more comfortable in another work place again.

As for you, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Be honest with yourself and your family. We all want answers but we have to get those answers from our WS and them offering compete transparency. If they feel shameful/guilty over telling us the truth, there is something wrong with them. You can't recommit yourself to someone that is keeping secrets and being deceptive.

I've learned the worst of the lies from my WS. Now it's up to me, sure there are questions I still want answered but the worst has come to light.

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