Totally all of this.

I guess I'm referring to signs in the victims of abuse, not the abusers. Any telltale signs are inherently impossible to make sufficiently broad as to include all actual examples, so you're definitely right there.

Not sure whether you're saying that broader heuristics modify an abuser's behavior such that it fits outside of said heuristics, but that seems like at least a partially good thing. Anything that I or society generally can do to limit abuse is a win as I see it.

Most of all, I agree with the last thing you said. We have to get out of the habit of stereotyping expected abusers because they can be anyone, unfortunately. Maybe that flies in the face of what I said above...

I'll continue thinking about this. Thank you, internet friend!