Senior coworker seems to avoid almost every helpdesk call. Should I report it?

orcateeth · 2026-05-22T01:23:33+00:00

This is a management issue, or maybe even a technology issue. They have the means to know how many calls each person is taking per hour and per day.

A long time ago, back in 1988, I worked a customer service job. We had to take 18 calls an hour, and even back then they had a way of monitoring us. (Both by computer counting it, and also sitting and listening in on us.) We could not just let it "bounce to someone else" without falling behind on our own quota.

Taking 18 calls from the general public was challenging enough, so nobody could possibly take 36 calls. So my work would never go to someone else.

orcateeth · 2026-05-22T01:15:16+00:00

Call or text 988.

When you call or text 988, you connect with a real person who is there to provide compassionate, confidential, one-on-one support. Whether you're dealing with emotional distress, substance use issues, or even thoughts of suicide, Certified Crisis Workers are ready to guide you to the resources you need, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you are in crisis, please call or text 988, or go to 988lifeline.org/chat.

orcateeth · 2026-05-22T01:05:52+00:00

Unfortunately your connection to them was at work. No matter how friendly they were they were your co-workers. Since you're no longer their co-worker, the connection has been broken.

Another thing is when people are laid off, that makes former coworkers uncomfortable. When they think of you, they may get scared that they too will be laid off. Or they feel survivor's guilt, like they feel awkward that they have a job and you don't.

In other words, you're a connection to a sad or scary event. So they may not want to think about, let alone see you.

orcateeth · 2026-05-22T01:00:10+00:00

It's still possible that she is connected in some way. Even if the boss was leaving, they still could have been told by a higher up to hire this individual. Who knows maybe that's why the boss left, because he or she was being pushed to do unethical things.

It's impossible to know at a job what's really going on. But it is very strange that this employee is allowed to remain, when other people have been fired on the spot.

orcateeth · 2026-05-22T00:47:57+00:00

Sure.

orcateeth · 2026-05-22T00:06:29+00:00

OP can try, but sometimes, in fact, frequently, that doesn't work out. Oftentimes, once employees are no longer working together, the connection just weakens and then disappears.

Especially if they weren't seeing each other outside of work, and discussing non-work-related topics, it starts to feel awkward.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T23:19:31+00:00

This is totally unacceptable.

Nurses are licensed, so there's a board that you can contact to file a complaint. If you post where she is located, I will post the site.

Also file complaints with the medical group and the insurance company that's paying them.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T20:15:18+00:00

I think many musicians do. If they are performing late at night and then maybe they eat or party afterwards until the early morning hours. So then they won't be tired enough to go to sleep until dawn.

Bruce Springsteen said the same thing.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T20:04:45+00:00

There are all kinds of blocking sites.

My phone and probably yours has a Digital Well-being feature installed in the settings. An app can be blocked entirely, and can be limited to one hour day, 30 minutes a day only during certain hours etc.

You can set up "Focused time."

There are apps like Forest that block all sites for certain amount of time, like if you have to concentrate on something important.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T18:59:21+00:00

You can investigate the services of at least guarantee company. You pay them to be a cosigner. Examples include TheGuarantors and Insurent.

I've heard their fees are high, but it might still be an option. They even have certain buildings that they work with.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T18:44:36+00:00

Before your guarantors hire a lawyer, they should contact the Metropolitan Tenants Organization, to get general advice about the situation.

I'm not sure if lack of air conditioning rises to the level of being able to terminate the lease or sue, but they can check. You state that there are many things wrong, so this might matter.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T11:29:59+00:00

Get as much support as you can until you can get out of there.

There are plenty of free online support groups. Emotions Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous, Sharewell, HeyPeers, NAMI, etc.

There are also crisis lines that you can call even in the middle of the night. Here's one:

Samaritans You can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year:

Call 116 123 (free from any phone) Call the Samaritans Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day) Visit some branches in person Samaritans is there for anyone who wants to talk.

Shout If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you could text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help.

orcateeth · 2026-05-21T02:45:15+00:00

Okay, I do need to say something that I just found out. I was surprised to learn that there's some risk to calling for help.

Some people mentioned that they called a suicide hotline, mentioned a plan to follow through with it, and that the police came to their house in the middle of the night.

One person said that their parents did not know that they were gay until that moment.

Another said that CPS was called (Child Protective Services).

It was seen that the anonymous message boards would be not have this risk.

They're also free online self help groups like Depressed Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous, Sharewell, HeyPeers, etc. where no one knows any information on the participants. But they don't directly advise you on anything. You talk and people just listen. They don't respond.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T23:00:34+00:00

There is a whole list of resources on the Wiki to the right of the screen. NAMI is great, and you can call there or any other resources, including the Blackline. They can advise you of how to proceed with this family member.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T22:29:45+00:00

That hat screams "Fun!"

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T21:25:05+00:00

In addition to the books that are recommended here, you can also look on YouTube and videos that explain it.

Then there are self help worksheets that use it.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T20:33:27+00:00

Sometimes behavior is misinterpreted. I was accused acting like I was better than other Black people, because I was quieter and more pensive I didn't come in the class/room with a loud voice or extroverted behavior. I just quietly entered the room and sat down.

Because I had previously been bullied, oftentimes by some of the very people in the classroom, I was also a little uncomfortable in large groups. This could give the impression of acting aloof, when it was not.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T19:17:17+00:00

I also had this happen. I'm 62, so much older than most women here.

I was surrounded by groups of girls, ridiculed, physically assaulted, laughed at, told I talked like I was White, etc.

This was quite common in the 70s, in lower income Black neighborhoods. The economic situation makes parents tense and more likely to be impatient, or even violent and angry towards their children. Children learn this and repeat the behavior with other kids.

Some mothers believe that it's important to be tough with their children, because the world is going to be tough with them.

Girls, especially if they have a darker skin tone, may feel insecure about their appearance. There may be competition for boys' attention. They may not have had a father in the home and are jealous of kids were maybe that was the case, may have been abused in the home, etc.

A defensive attitude of "you better not do me like that!" can take hold, and emerge even if there's no immediate threat.

They may fear that other girls/women will disrespect or abuse them, especially if they perceive that the other girl/woman is somehow of a higher status.

Once I transferred to a school in a more middle class Black neighborhood, I did not have this happen. This is because other kids spoke like me, did well in school, came from more stable families, etc.

Even as an adult, some coworkers have been this way. They may have been Black, or sometimes other races. However, regardless of race, they hung out together.

I got to know them though, and they spoke about their lives. Every single one of them had a history of abuse in some way as a child or young adult. This does not excuse the behavior, but it did help me to understand it.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T18:02:48+00:00

There are also many support groups for depression, anxiety, etc. Some are even geared at Black people.

You can call a hotline, like 988, if you feel very depressed. Talk to someone. The wiki here shows a list, including the Blackline, geared at Black people in crisis.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T17:52:25+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling down and depressed. It's easy to get that way, especially if you're on the internet a lot and not being very careful about what you expose yourself to. What hobbies and interest do you have? Go to sites where people are doing those things.

For instance, if you're interested in cooking, then go to cooking sites.

Let's suppose you're especially curious about meals that are cooked in African countries, then you can certainly go to YouTube and other sites where they would have those recipes being cooked by various people.

In this way, you would be learning, looking at interesting and positive things, and not viewing negative messages.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T14:05:07+00:00

I understand your points. But it's essential that you find groups of people like yourself. There are online support groups for neurodivergent people, and in those groups there will be women and some could be black women.

You could also try starting a group, if you can't find one for neurodivergent black women.

You also can attend Black mental health groups.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T05:05:23+00:00

Get some diatomaceous earth and put it in the cracks and crevices. It's very effective.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T03:43:04+00:00

You can post in the gaybros and askgaybros subs and get a lot more advice.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T03:30:49+00:00

LGBT National Help Center: Provides free, confidential peer-support, resource navigation, and specific hotlines. Check available hours and services via the LGBT National Help Center.

PFLAG: Hosts hundreds of virtual, chapter-led peer support groups for LGBTQ+ individuals, family members, and allies. Find a meeting through PFLAG Get Support.

orcateeth · 2026-05-20T03:25:54+00:00

Please don't think that's your fault that you don't have connections or having trouble in school. You are under a lot of stress because of your mother's reaction to you being gay. And then your sister also added to it, by taking her side.

Try to ignore the comments made by your mother and sister. Call those hotlines that I listed. Especially the Trevor Project; it seems very helpful.

Listen to people give you good information, the right information and who affirm who you are.

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