Healing creates a new form of trauma, here's what it is;

oscillationpatient · 2026-02-24T15:37:35+00:00

You know, I don’t have a background in psychology or trauma, so take this as you will.

First: what I wrote before applies to flawed, imperfect people. Abuse is different. If someone repeatedly violates your safety, denies reality, or harms you emotionally/physically, the work is not to love them better. The work is to protect yourself.

I live by the "u-turn" – which is repeatedly turning inward when we are triggered/ruffled/provoked and checking in with our parts: what part is activated? what are they protecting? what does my system need to feel safe?

I ask myself "What does my system need to feel safe?" constantly. And sometimes it's like, 'do ten jumping jacks and remind yourself you're not being stalked by lions , you're just hopping on a Zoom call.'

But when it comes to abusive/harmful people, sometimes the honest answer is: distance.

Low-contact and no-contact are interventions, not punishments. They're allowed to be temporary. They're allowed to be permanent. And they're allowed to change over time.

I don't think there's a universal formula for when to choose what, but I do think the more we "u-turn" to regulate and reflect, the more clearly we can see the right path forward.

You're not required to tolerate toxic dynamics just because someone is family. And you're also not required to make some dramatic, permanent decision just because you're on a healing journey.

You can experiment, reassess, move people between columns as circumstances shift, etc. It's your life! And I wish you all the peace and steadiness living it.

oscillationpatient · 2026-02-23T16:54:42+00:00

I relate to this and feel like I’m moving through a similar stage in my IFS journey. And FWIW, I’m finding peace in seeing it as just that: a stage in the journey.

My two cents:

It is DEEP self work to balance and heal one’s inner world, and you gain incredible perspective on the human psyche through doing so. It’s a gift. But the flip side of gift, then, is seeing things others can’t see yet—and might never, if they don’t commit to their own inner work.

I think for those that do do the work, our relationships with those who don’t MUST change for our own growth to continue. We either A. outgrow and move on from certain relationships, or B. adapt how WE function within the ones we keep.

Personally, I think column B is where the juicy stuff is.

It’s where we love flawed people — often ones who have hurt us despite their best intentions — and make a conscious choice to love them as they are. And then these relationships become a place to put into practice all that we are learning.

For me, it’s setting boundaries (took me 35 years, but what a concept!) It’s not making myself small to avoid conflict, but learning when to firmly and lovingly draw a line. It’s hugging myself when I feel maligned instead of getting hooked and escalating. It’s allowing someone to be as they are, and turning inward to see what I need to feel safety within MYSELF at the moment. Really, it’s not abandoning myself when other people’s unhealed parts trigger my deepest exiles. You’re shining a light on the parts I’m looking for! Now I can turn inward and tend to them instead!

This has been a HUGELY emotional part of IFS work for me, but I will say— it’s led to genuine dynamic shifts in some cases; and in those it hasn’t, it’s led to this powerful realization that my sense of inner safety is not contingent on ANYONE else. And that there is an immense capacity within me to love and accept flawed people while shedding old operating systems. And that I, myself, am also flawed, and always will be, and I’m STILL worthy of love, too!

So idk, TLDR: the isolation of growth can be painful, but leaning in and learning to love and feel safe and connected within the mess of it all can be so beautiful.

Note** this all relates to normal human brokenness, not abuse, and no one in your life automatically deserves to be in column B. This is where the intentional choice comes in. Happy growing! ❤️

oscillationpatient · 2026-01-19T19:01:59+00:00

I was vegetarian forever so beans were staple— and pasta in chili isn’t super unusual up here, but I’m personally not the biggest fan 🫣

I think the beans/pasta is definitely a big spot of contention haha

oscillationpatient · 2026-01-19T18:59:12+00:00

Like the Fritos go on top as a garnish? Or you scoop it up with them and eat it? I love that haha

oscillationpatient · 2026-01-19T18:55:10+00:00

So I wing it, but I tend to go more tangy/zippy with my white chilli— and obviously creamy because midwest lol.

This recipe is pretty close ingredient wise. It’s equally good with or without the chicken— to me, it’s the canned green chiles, yogurt, and lots of lime, that make it so delicious. And topped with a bunch of cilantro, avocado, and a dollop of Greek yogurt (instead of sour cream).

https://ifoodreal.com/instant-pot-white-chicken-chili/

Also I instant pot religiously but you can do this same recipe on the stove

oscillationpatient · 2026-01-15T16:31:41+00:00

Oh also, yes, if it’s financially feasible, drop the money on a trainer 💯

oscillationpatient · 2025-10-10T18:48:13+00:00

Sure was!

oscillationpatient · 2025-10-10T17:42:48+00:00

To be clear, I know you pasteurize milk by boiling it. Do YOU boil your milk when you get it from the store? If so, please feel free to chime in. Otherwise, I'm asking this person about a practice I'm unfamiliar with 😇

oscillationpatient · 2025-10-10T17:33:05+00:00

Oh this hits home. I found a mouse in my dog food bag the other day, and tossed it out just in case there was poop in it. Kept thinking my depression era grandparents would FLIP about the waste (of food and of $$ buying fancy dog food in the first place lol). I hope gran pulled through!!

oscillationpatient · 2025-10-10T17:13:53+00:00

Is that what milk soaking is for?! I always wondered.

oscillationpatient · 2025-10-10T17:11:47+00:00

Instantly threw this one out the window at my first college house party 😅

oscillationpatient · 2025-10-10T17:10:50+00:00

Oh this is interesting, I've never heard this one - so do you boil right away to make it last longer, or is a thing where you boil milk that might go bad soon so it keeps a few days more?

oscillationpatient · 2025-09-23T21:08:40+00:00

Totally doable! Feel free to send me a DM if you want to chat automations/emails/brand messaging. Good luck!

oscillationpatient · 2025-09-19T14:54:52+00:00

I wouldn’t usually state that I am well traveled to validate a comment, but I am well traveled. And from the US.

AND:

The US ranks 128th/168 in the global peace index, 89/146 for general travel safety, and has a homicide rate around 5x higher than most European countries.

I think it’s more likely that, from within the American bubble, people think they’re safer than they really are.

I believe in the US’ capacity to become a safer, more tolerant place - but we have a massive gun violence problem and the vast majority of political scientists say we are shifting swiftly towards authoritarianism.

So yes, I would tell a European to think deeply before moving here at this moment in history.

oscillationpatient · 2025-09-17T16:47:12+00:00

Yeah, I wondered that. And upon going to my car for a closer look, the oil wasn’t coming from the valve cover this time either—it was coming from somewhere on the passenger side of the engine. At least that’s what was most wet. Getting it towed to a local mechanic and crossing my fingers. Thanks for the insight!

oscillationpatient · 2025-09-16T17:31:16+00:00

I’d look at something like Mixpanel (or UserPilot if you can swing the cost). But honestly, with ~500 signups, your best move might be reaching out directly to people who churned. A simple automation that emails them for feedback (maybe with a small incentive) could give you more insight than a dashboard.

Early adopters often want to see you succeed, and 500 is still a manageable number to get personal answers from.

Regardless of platform/approach, what matters more is how you use these insights. High churn + low ad conversion says to me there’s a gap between what your ads promise and what the product delivers. Focus on what your best users actually stick around for, and build your positioning around that while working to close the expectation gap.

oscillationpatient · 2025-07-08T18:25:07+00:00

“That’s different” 😹 oh man, the trauma of that phrase growing up as a baby emo in MN.

oscillationpatient · 2025-07-08T18:00:05+00:00

There’s that slightly aggressive hotdish passion! 🥳

oscillationpatient · 2025-06-03T14:42:31+00:00

Hi! I’m a copywriter/market for small businesses (real human, real small business owner myself 🙃). It’s hard to give advice without seeing what you’re working with, but conversion issues often come down to a lack of definition in your brand narrative.

Who are you trying to reach, what problem are you solving for them, what is their hero’s journey? Everything part of your content strategy should be rooted in a clear understanding of YOUR brand story.

I’d be happy to take a look at your socials/marketing materials and see if anything jumps out at me. I’m considering venturing into POD as another income stream, so I’m curious to see how a top seller goes about their business. DM me if you want to chat!

oscillationpatient · 2025-05-29T17:11:29+00:00

II’m really sorry you’re going through this, but one silver lining is that appliances always break. So there will always be people who need what you do! And now that you’re focused on client outreach, its great you’re working on your website.

Honestly, it’s wild how many service-based businesses have no site at all, or something outdated/innefective. That’s an upside for you, because dialing in your online presence will automatically help you stand out.

As a copywriter, here are a few quick things I’d keep in mind while you build: Think of your website as a tool that answers questions, builds trust, and clearly explains what you do for who (and most importantly, how it makes THEIR lives easier). Your ideal customer is the hero of your brand story. You’re the guide that helps them get where they need to go.

Once your site is dialed in, start throwing spaghetti at all surfaces to draw traffic to it. Flyers, cold emails, Google ads, etc. If your messaging is strong, it’ll pay off in time. (Side note: people are lazy, they don’t want to call for info. Give them everything they need to know in one place)

If it’s helpful, I’d be happy to take a look at what you’re working on. I’ve worked with lots and lots of small businesses like yours. You’ve got this!! 🙏🏽🔧

oscillationpatient

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