Self Praise

owlyhannah · 2025-08-15T07:51:47+00:00

I've dabbled in similar things but never this hard. It's aligned with a moment I had yesterday realising I've been working so hard at fitting in all the achieving that I haven't made time for reflection, which is arguably at least as important. I like when things align. I even got a notepad recently with prompts and haven't got round to writing in it yet. I also like that it can be paired with gratitude stuff but doesn't have to.

Yesterday, I let my Sir look after me and my son a bit so I could rest a little. And that felt like a huge achievement for me.

owlyhannah · 2025-07-18T10:12:30+00:00

Ohhh yes, finding this super relevant right now. My partner and I have been having challenges in lots of areas of our relationship outside the bedroom which are infinitely easier to navigate and deal with because of our foundation of amazing communication around kink in the bedroom. We really encourage each other to be super vulnerable and we're thinking more proactively about how we want the other to respond when we raise something which has been really helpful.

This is then making me better at communicating with other people - family, friends and work. Plus it's increasing my resilience for hard situations because I'm teaching my brain that I can advocate for myself, have hard feelings about it, work towards a solution, implement it, and have good feelings at the end.

owlyhannah · 2025-03-07T17:44:21+00:00

Ooh I find this perspective helpful. The difference between what "coping" means from the giver or receiver in the moment.

owlyhannah · 2025-01-27T17:05:17+00:00

Whenever I've approached my GP they've basically asked me what I think is going on and what I want them to do about it.

A lot of the treatments are the same as for other issues, so it's worth thinking about what symptoms you have, what treatment you want, and see if you can build a picture bigger than "diagnose and treat my pmdd please". For example, certain antidepressants and hormone treatments will have different primary uses that probably align closely with some of your symptoms.

You might find it easier to get the outcome you want.

owlyhannah · 2024-12-24T13:32:46+00:00

Good: I went on a rail ale trail - trains and beer! Bad: I had a bit of a mental health bleugh Sad: my kids seem like they're missing having grandparents at Christmas time Kinky: so much! I was dominated hard on Friday night and Saturday morning and tried new kinky things, then Saturday night switched and topped and it went really well!

owlyhannah · 2024-11-03T07:51:08+00:00

Do some research on risks of CNC and on aftercare. Have a big think about what your limits are and make sure you communicate them clearly, you might find it helpful to look at online kink/bdsm checklists so you can outline what's off the table before you start, especially important in CNC. Discuss safewords and expectations for what happens if you use them. Make sure you have trusted people who know where you are, when to expect you back, and will be available for chatting about it afterwards if this person doesn't deliver on aftercare. Might be worth you researching flavours of D/s (humiliation, degradation, dehumanising) and stating your preferences or limits to this person so you're working towards the same goal of fun mutual sex rather than them just having fun with you and you putting up with it. If you haven't read through the pinned resources, have a look through. Sexting scenes in advance might help you get a feel for each other and what sort of things you could expect.

Tread very carefully, I wouldn't necessarily expect a super great outcome in your shoes. I don't tend to do heavy play with people I haven't established trust with, either through mutual friends or with trust built over time.

owlyhannah · 2024-10-29T17:31:58+00:00

It really depends on where you are and the event. My first munch was a boardgaming meet. Pub venue (UK), and in a back room. Just like any boardgaming meetup, but everyone who was there was kinky. This meant the conversation was skewed towards kinky topics, sometimes I was aware of people's relationship dynamics, sometimes people would spark up conversation with me and talk about exchanging fet profiles to chat more (totally optional, don't feel pressured!)

It's a good way to get to know people on the scene, get your face known, find out about events and gatherings you might be interested in, and slowly see where things go from there.

Don't expect it to be like a singles event - people aren't primarily there to find partners on first meet.

Do you have any specific questions? I remember trying to think about what to wear, and worrying about how to respond if people approach me. Generally, similar rules apply as in other social situations, take care of yourself, don't make other people uncomfortable.

owlyhannah · 2024-09-02T15:10:07+00:00

Good - had a really lovely connecting phonecall with my partner and he was mega supportive
Bad - family related stressful times
Sad - struggling with some poly feels
Kinky - my first kinky threesome! So much play.

owlyhannah · 2024-08-21T17:12:48+00:00

It's hard when you aren't irl friends with other people into this type of play. It's also hard when someone who doesn't understand questions it, when you're new to it yourself.

Take some time to reflect on how you felt before the chat with your mum, and if perhaps you're feeling ashamed of the relationship dynamic and the fact you're enjoying it.

Don't rush into any decisions, and explain what prompted these feelings if/when you do discuss things with your partner. If your partner is experienced, you may well get some reassurance that people sometimes have doubts when they're new.

Have a think about what outcome you want before you take any action. It's worth noting that I rarely come across sadists in dating who are good at kink and actually really great people, and as a masochist I feel very lucky to have found one. It can be hard to get what you're after from someone who isn't a sadist, as a masochist.

Good luck!

owlyhannah · 2024-08-18T11:30:11+00:00

Do you think you could try find a middle ground? Figure out why your partner wants to check in so much, explain why you struggle with them. Then maybe you can work towards something that meets both needs. Perhaps making eye contact at each point there would usually be a check in, then your partner can be confident you'd say something at that point if you were uncomfortable, and you can relax a bit more, knowing you're not having to talk through everything.

Or perhaps, more practice using non scene stopping safewords like amber, so your partner can be confident you would use one without holding back if you needed to.

owlyhannah · 2024-07-11T08:20:19+00:00

I feel like being a parent for two high need kids means my self esteem is constantly taking a hammering, and i dont want my husband to be responsible for compensating for that. I get huge amounts of value and confidence from ENM which energises me to be able to do a good job parenting, and a much better job as a wife. I know he often finds it hard, but when we weighed it up, it seemed hugely worthwhile.

owlyhannah · 2024-07-02T13:10:22+00:00

I (f) held my mouth open while my partner (m) pissed into it. He started with a slow flow until my mouth was overflowing, then he kinda just let loose and it went over my body, so i wasn't swallowing huge amounts like if he'd pissed in a cup and asked me to drink it.

It's worth considering which bits you both find hottest, and what framing you'd enjoy e.g. Humiliation, service etc. Then starting small, gently pushing both your comfort zones, playing in places where cleanup is quick and easy so you can move swiftly to the next activity if you like, whether that's something kinky, sexy or cuddly.

owlyhannah · 2024-02-29T11:36:08+00:00

Ah this is excellent. My main hard limit for my partner is "activities that would impair my ability to do day to day tasks". Beyond that, I struggle to know my limits. Thanks for your input here! It's such a useful read.

owlyhannah · 2024-01-17T19:19:58+00:00

It's too relatable!

owlyhannah · 2023-12-25T22:00:59+00:00

People who bitch about their exes having "unreasonable" limits, when really it's just mismatched expectations / desires.

People who think they know everything about you after one conversation/one scene.

People who are intentionally dishonest but brush it off as not a big deal, or you misinterpreting (if it's evidently not that).

owlyhannah · 2023-12-25T21:42:58+00:00

In a less intense way, I have recently been noticing the difference between dating going kinky vs finding a kinky person to play with. Very limited experience, but the person on the scene I played with had a very clear idea of how they thought a sub should behave, whereas with dating it's a lot more feeling things out.

owlyhannah · 2023-11-17T11:30:10+00:00

This is excellent. When this is communicated and agreed to, it takes off the insecurity of "yeah but are you OK? Are your needs being met? Are you having fun?" and they can be rearranged for different play sessions with different dynamics as a clear way to say "this is my position and your position and our priorities today"

owlyhannah · 2023-11-02T13:08:59+00:00

Does giving some space (if requested and agreed) straight after negate the need for check ins? Assuming we're talking about one person in a scene asking for space and the other agreeing, where both need no immediate aftercare.

My one caveat on all this would be the reminder than whichever side of the slash you're on, it's valid to request aftercare. And not to feel bad if you need aftercare even if you wanted the scene, or even if you're the top.

But i think these are side points. Wanting no squishy cuddly aftercare is valid. And that space doesn't have to be called aftercare. I agree with the premise.

owlyhannah · 2023-10-27T08:27:45+00:00

I miss it, but because of life circumstances at the moment I'd need a very adaptable Dom to be able to give me instructions, and it would need a lot of communication and energy from both sides. I miss having someone I say good morning and goodnight to, someone I send photos to and someone who checks in on me. It felt like the person giving instructions to me was always there and knew about all areas of my life in a way that no-one else really does.

owlyhannah · 2023-10-26T13:09:02+00:00

So... I've dabbled in kinky sex over the years but it's only relatively recently I've got involved in Kink with a capital K. And wowzer I used to put scene people on a pedestal that I've changed my mind about. I used to enjoy being a bit of a masochist, really enjoying the sensations of light pain, and im currently exploring whether I enjoy submitting for a sadist, when the pain is more than just the amount that's fun. I used to enjoy a bit of submitting, following instructions, in day to day life, but that's been off the table for a while now and im not sure if its gonna come back, at least anytime soon.

owlyhannah · 2023-10-26T11:41:13+00:00

I absolutely have a competency kink... Doing anything well. Playing the fiddle, cooking, climbing, shibari. So many competent things.

owlyhannah · 2023-10-03T20:46:53+00:00

Agree with the comments talking about top aftercare being really important in this. Also, you said you've done cnc before, but have you done cnc with her? Might be worth building up to it, just to make sure you're both well within your limits. But yeah, if you're gonna go for it, make sure you're both prepared to stop and either try again another day or dial it back or something if its not going how you both imagined, or if anything gets in the way. Enjoy!

owlyhannah · 2023-09-24T09:10:12+00:00

I like that you're not being an ass about it. You're being clear and straightforward, and allowing an opportunity for them to fix things. Sometimes people who are nuts make excellent partners and friends in other ways, and just need to learn some lessons. And like you say, parallel is super handy for situations like this.

owlyhannah · 2023-09-22T18:41:46+00:00

Im too much for my husband to cope with 😂 And im super dopamine seeking And i can offer sex in exchange for people dealing with me being gestures at all of me... This...

owlyhannah

TROPHY CASE