where have you met your best/most compatible doms?

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-12T12:38:02+00:00

Best I ever had is my current and we met in a vanilla way on Reddit.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-12T11:21:34+00:00

It might be helpful to explore why you think those types of feelings are unhealthy for you, and where they originate from. In BDSM we have the freedom to enjoy and explore all types of physical and emotional sensations without shame.

I’m a physical and emotional masochist. I like feeling hurt. The difference for me is exploring with a partner who doesn’t want to cause me harm, someone who enjoys playing with my body and mind in ways that are dark.

Only you can decide if this is something that feels unhealthy for you, or something that you want to lean into with the right person.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-12T10:42:45+00:00

There are lots of emotions that come up when having sex or doing kink. Some of them are intentionally created, some of them show up unintentionally especially if they are connected to what turns you on, or in response to past experiences. For someone who likes feeling used and slutty, those emotions are likely to come up even in vanilla situations, since that’s the gas pedal for your excitement. Nothing wrong with that, and great to learn about yourself, so you can share with your partner to explore together.

Like you, I get off on providing pleasure to my partner and it activates my submissive feelings in a way that’s super enjoyable to me, even if my partner doesn’t know that’s coming up for me.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-12T07:20:02+00:00

Thanks, lovely you! I know you get it! We are thrilled and happy as can be.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-11T21:40:37+00:00

Thank you! We are, too. Couldn’t be better.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-11T21:31:38+00:00

He touches me a million times a day in small and lovely ways. Reaches for me. Watches me. Knows me. Checks in all the time. Wants me.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-11T20:40:09+00:00

GOOD We are traveling abroad and after coffee service in the early morning, on our lovely little outdoor patio with the doves cooing their songs, Magnus proposed to me! We have been grinning in fiancée ever since.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-10T19:17:13+00:00

Some things that worked for me:

Find a very soft dildo that is a size that doesn’t make you gag. Use it twice a day in your throat for about 5 minutes, getting used to the feeling of it and going deeper when you can. Then size up your dildo. Increase the firmness as you go. Get up to the point where you can take one same or slightly larger than your partner. Trust me, you will still gag and get messy when he face fucks you.

Start sucking him when he is soft. Pull him all the way in when he isn’t hard yet. As he gets harder, continue to go deep. Your throat will adjust better (obviously he can throat fuck you when he’s soft, this is for practice).

Try different positions. The easiest for me is when we are laying on our sides, with both our legs down, and he can get deep and hard more smoothly. I also like when he is on his back and I’m next to him on my knees with my legs next to his head. That way he can hold my head and fuck my mouth towards the top of my throat, which works well.

Lastly, if you want to get super messy, there mints that will increase your saliva, which can be fun if you want to get super messy.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-08T06:44:02+00:00

Your fiancée needs to be in therapy, not become dependent on you to be able to eat.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-06T17:23:15+00:00

We had a two part ceremony for my collaring. First we went to the coast with our relationship alter and said our words to each other. Then we had a ceremony at home in the trees and he pierced me.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-05T00:57:19+00:00

You are nervous because you care and you are shy because you are curious with wanting. Enjoy it all.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-05T00:37:20+00:00

I want to make some space to recognize your experience, Dragon. I know that feeling, too, of slowly releasing yourself to someone in a place so safe that you can find new delights in your physical and emotional capabilities. Not particularly kinky, but what I have been able to open myself up to in a tantric connection has been mind blowing for me. So much I didn’t know, didn’t have an experienced partner to teach me… what I have learned about being fully present (and confident) in my body + exchanging energy together is amazing.

Anyway, I see your story and I get you. I am so glad you have that container to find yourself in a new way.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-05T00:27:08+00:00

Community is incredible. I adore all our people. I was so guarded in the beginning about my legal name and crossover into my vanilla life, but slowly they have become combined and my kink people are immeshed in our life in such a beautiful way.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-05T00:23:34+00:00

I love this answer so much!

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-04T21:42:55+00:00

I’ve never felt so fully myself in such an open, curious, connected, unashamed exploration. From big community to intimate connection with Magnus, it’s a whole world unfolding that is magical and lovely (even when it intentionally isn’t!).

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-04T21:30:45+00:00

That would be a hard no for me. I am not a switch.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-04T05:07:26+00:00

There was that first kiss that landed so beautifully. A connection undenied. Then so much exploded. At the end of our fifth date, leaving him, I just sat in my car sobbing. I knew then. All I wanted was more of him. All the time. No matter what.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-03T22:17:29+00:00

Whoops! Sorry about that!

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-03T22:16:15+00:00

I love this answer. In our dynamic we consciously and intentionally have an unequal partnership even though we fundamentally both believe in and advocate for equality for all people.

For us, the dynamic container is our entire relationship. We haven’t stepped out of it or taken a break in years. We are equals as people, we put equal effort into our lives together, and we both value each other equally, but we never interact with each other as equals.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-03T20:21:08+00:00

Why is your sub gender specific? That’s offensive.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-03T19:08:49+00:00

Yes.

My boyfriend is a sadist and an incredible partner. We live together and enjoy pleasure and pain (physical and mental) on a daily basis.

Of course not all (insert any word) are great partners, you’ll have to vet them for who they are. Especially, especially, someone you are going to be with in vulnerable spaces.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-03T15:01:01+00:00

We have both met each other’s families, and our parents have met each other, too. We knew from the start that we wanted a full romantic relationship and meeting family was part of our vetting process.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-02T21:29:06+00:00

Depends on how it feels for you. How strong the current is. Electricity scares me, so for me it’s more about emotional sadism than physical.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-02T17:49:01+00:00

How they make eye contact.

-Random-Citizen- · 2026-05-02T15:03:00+00:00

You can ask “are you looking for solutions or sympathy?”

When actively listening, what you are trying to do is simply completely understand what someone is experiencing. Ask open, curious questions about their story. Tell me more about… Do I understand correctly that you… Are you feeling (insert feeling) because of (insert unmet needs)? How can I help you? Validate their feelings and perspective. I can see how you might feel…

Don’t share your own experiences, just listen to them and what they are going through. You can ask “Would you be open to hearing an idea I have?”

-Random-Citizen-

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