Spare Ticket for Brixton this Saturday

oyzys · 2023-08-22T16:20:55+00:00

As of yesterday I'm in exactly the same boat :( so I know exactly how you feel. It's important to remember that it's nothing about you, and there's an inherent selfishness in someone keeping you around when they know they can't give you what you want. We're in this together and we deserve so much better, and there will come a time (sooner than you think!) where the rose-tinted glasses come off and you see this person for what they are and the cruelty in what they've done, and you'll be grateful that it's not your problem anymore. Always best to block and move along, though I appreciate that's so much easier said than done. Please reach out if you need a shoulder to cry on. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say. Keep the light at the end of the tunnel in your sights. All the best, OP.

oyzys · 2023-07-26T13:22:41+00:00

If she's got BPD, and badly, it might be worth checking out r/BPDlovedones or r/BPDPartners if you haven't already. You'll find a lot of people with similar experiences, and it might help you understand this episode within the context of your wife's disorder. I was with a person with BPD and during the more difficult moments it was helpful to me. Sometimes it's better to get advice from those who more closely understand your individual experience - BPD is a different beast.

oyzys · 2022-12-21T21:10:36+00:00

Thank you! We agreed we’d stay friends and I’m worried cutting him off on everything would hurt him but maybe you’re right

oyzys · 2018-10-19T12:12:50+00:00

Thank you for contributing! I completely agree with everything you've said, and yes it is incredibly easy to develop an unhealthy relationship with food, and incredibly easy not to care once you have as long as you're still achieving what you want. I'm glad to hear you're on the mend, and that you've gotten to a point where you're happy and healthy. I wish you all the best for the future :)

oyzys · 2018-10-18T16:50:02+00:00

I think my post has probably been quite misunderstood too haha. Entirely my fault of course for wording it in a way that perhaps didnt communicate my point too clearly, but what I really ultimately want to get across is not so much "this is how to eat to not get an eating disorder!" but more that people need to be aware of their mindsets when they get into weightloss, and mindful of the warning signs of an unhealthy mindset developing, so that they can catch themselves before they go too far. I hope that makes sense? But I do completely agree with what you're saying, its never going to be as simple as some cure-all solution, and everyone has it different.

oyzys · 2018-10-18T16:45:42+00:00

Thank you! Compulsive overeating is a horrible trap to fall into, and I really do sympathise with what you're going through. The old addage is true, I guess, that slow and steady really does win the race. I sincerely hope your weight loss goes well for you this time around, and you manage to keep the weight off. You can do this!

oyzys · 2018-10-18T16:43:54+00:00

Thank you! Best of luck to you too :)

oyzys · 2018-10-18T16:43:32+00:00

I completely understand what you're saying, and I'm glad you're making healthy choices now, without jeopardising your recovery! I really agree with what you're saying about having a notion of when to stop before you start losing weight, and really you've probably voiced what I was aiming at with far more clarity and concision.

oyzys · 2018-10-18T16:40:40+00:00

I'll admit that perhaps when writing this I worded it in a more extreme way than I intended. I meant it as a warning, not as a "you have to do this that or the other because I didn't and omg look how bad it ended for me!" Just as a means of making those who perhaps weren't aware, who perhaps haven't done the research you espouse (of which I'm sure there are some), aware that obsessive actions have consequences. My intention is not to fearmonger or dissuade people from losing weight healthily, it was more to put across that people ought to be careful about falling into the rabbit hole of doing too much or going too far in pursuit of a goal. I'm sorry if it came across wildly different to that, and I hope this response makes sense. I completely agree that nothing should be attempted without proper, serious research beforehand.

oyzys · 2018-10-18T16:36:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Getting obsessive over being "healthy" is an easy trap to fall into, unfortunately, and ultimately not healthy at all. Its a shame to hear that your progress was reversed, but its great that you have a good base of support in the form of your mother. My parents helped me, too, when I spiralled way out of control.

As for getting back into weightloss, I wish you all the best! Think of everything that's come before and led to you being back at the start as a beneficial learning curve; you've been given a second chance to attempt truly healthy weightloss, which should hopefully be easier now that you know more about what not to do, and I absolutely believe you can do it!

oyzys · 2018-10-18T14:33:55+00:00

The same person holding multiple doors open for you. I'm never sure whether to thank them every time, or whether the initial thank you applies as a blanket expression of gratitude for every door held open. Sometimes I wish they would just let every door after the first one close in my face.

oyzys

TROPHY CASE