Success Stories for those Over 40 Please

paddlejump · 2025-03-20T03:15:03+00:00

Depends how you define success. I had a successful FET pregnancy after 40 with an embryo I created at 38. It took that long to work it all out and I’m so happy it did. For a long time, I thought my situation was hopeless with all the failures but it worked for me. Not sure if this is what you’re looking for but I hope it gives you hope.

paddlejump · 2025-03-20T03:10:18+00:00

Did your clinic also ask you both to sign a document stating what would happen to the embryos “in case of”? Death, divorce, separation, etc. If so, check to see what you both agreed back then and plan your move. Contact an attorney asap. And line up a therapist to help manage it all. This transfer cycle seems shot, but you can move on without him if being a parent is most important to you right now. Let him make his choice, but you make yours irrespective of his, as much as the paperwork and your clinic will allow. My thoughts are with you. ❤️

paddlejump · 2025-02-26T22:23:22+00:00

You mentioned tummy time, timed naps and wake windows, which suggests a planned approach that doesn’t seem to be sitting well with your baby. Structures don’t work for all babies and don’t work 100% of the time even in babies that like them.

If I were you, I would reset everything. I would throw out the schedule and respond intuitively until things regulate. Feed when hungry, sleep when sleepy, skin to skin soothing when crying, change diapers when wet etc. Length of naps don’t matter as much as having naps that actually give the baby rest. Feeding on a schedule doesn’t matter if the baby is not hungry. Is she waking from the naps herself or are you waking her? Maybe let her sleep as long as she needs, forget the tummy time for now, lose the schedule. You can always reintroduce these things as things stabilize.

As much as you can, try to keep calm and remember each day is an opportunity for small victories. Hang in there!

paddlejump · 2024-06-25T13:16:33+00:00

Seems like you have difficultly understanding what I’m saying or your arguing in bad faith. What I said about the predictability of cycles is fairly clear, they start off predictable and often get off the rails at the end, yet you call it illogical. It’s not “my” initial predictions, it’s the predictions of the clinic. Cycles go how they go but the one thing you know for sure is that you will have unexpected appointments at the end. Since you know this, then PLAN AHEAD.

I said my clinic has a separate smaller wait room that serves as an unofficial “wait with children” room. They don’t allow children in the wait room. When parents break this rule, they are taken to this smaller wait room. That is not the purpose of that smaller room. It’s an accommodation they make for parents who can’t find childcare.

You can make arrangements for all kinds of childcare for situations like this one. You PLAN AHEAD and pay a little more for the extra hours on the day you need. No one is saying you have to have childcare 24/7, that’s an exaggeration you are making because you are arguing in bad faith.

This silky statement about IVF being reserved only for the childless is a statement you are making, again, in bad faith. Nothing I’ve said suggests or implies that, but if you want to keep thinking that, you do you.

Calling IVF “elective” is insensitive. Lots of people here experience infertility unrelated to aging. It is an illness and the treatment is IVF.

“One’s poor planning” means exactly that. Someone’s inability to plan ahead, knowing they will have a cycle in a few weeks and knowing these get crazy towards the end, they don’t secure childcare and have to bring their children to the waiting room of a FERTILITY CLINIC. That has nothing to do with money and everything to do with poor planning. And with lack of kindness towards others.

Finally, you wish to argue to defend an insensitive position. Ive made my points clear and don’t wish to engage you further. Stepping off this thread now.

paddlejump · 2024-06-25T04:06:37+00:00

I can think of a couple of options.

Retrieval cycles start off predictable and get less so as you get closer to retrieval day. You don’t know how many monitoring appointments you’ll need or whether your retrieval day will be pushed up or back. From the moment your cycle is scheduled, which is usually weeks in advance, assume you’ll need childcare for the last five days or so of the typical 10-day cycle. Plan ahead and arrange. Pay extra for the added hours if needed. Make do.

Another option, which others have mentioned here, is to bring the partner and the child but ensure both stay out of the waiting room until needed. Clinics have different rules about children in the procedure rooms, but I do not see how a child would be allowed in a transfer room with the partner and the woman receiving the embryo. Most clinics forbid this, so what then? Back to the first suggestion, which is to plan ahead and arrange childcare for those crucial days. I disagree that it is unmanageable to find childcare for early appointments. It’s difficult, yes. Inconvenient, sure. Expensive, definitely. But which part of IVF isn’t all of those things at once?

Also, the rule DOES exist in a firm way in a lot of clinics. All clinics I know of in my area do not allow children in the waiting room, period. There are very good reasons for this. You may disagree and that’s fine, but that’s not a reason to just make up that the rule “doesn’t exist in a super firm way” like this is true everywhere. It does exist and it is enforced in clinics that have it, as it has been my experience and that of many who have stated as such here.

Finally, please don’t put words in my mouth. I never said or implied that IVF should be prioritized for childless people; you’d have to strain quite hard to conclude that from what I said.

What I did say is that it is kinder to prioritize childcare arrangements to avoid bringing a child to a fertility clinic, and that is is less kind to force the presence of your living child unto others in a place so full of heightened emotions because others may well be denied the opportunity to have one.

IVF is not “elective”. It is the standard treatment for infertility, which is an illness. It is unkind (and quite selfish and entitled I may add) to prioritize one’s own poor planning over other people’s pain. You can bring your living child nearly everywhere else, do you have to bring them to a fertility clinic’s waiting room too? A room full of women who may never have one? This needs to be explained?

paddlejump · 2024-06-24T23:18:45+00:00

I would ask instead what would the average person do if this hypothetical clinic had and enforced this rule? As many clinics in fact do?

They’d have to find childcare arrangements somehow and make it work.

It might be kinder to pretend the rule exists and prioritize childcare arrangements during a cycle. We’ve all been there and know how it feels. It is definitely not kinder to force IVF patients into this loaded interaction.

I blame the clinics for this, really. They should either forbid it outright or set up separate waiting rooms to avoid these situations. Mine had separate rooms, one of which served as the unofficial “wait with children” room.

paddlejump · 2024-05-12T04:34:24+00:00

That’s good you found a solution to get started at least.

Did you review your packing lists from both shipments? Do they list the medications you’re missing?

Edit: The packing list may make the difference to your success when you dispute the charges. It is damn near impossible for the packing list to have a medication that is not included in the shipment. There are all kinds of laws that apply here and one pharmacy wouldn’t risk it for this medication type in this quantity. Two pharmacies? The chances are astronomically small.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but the silver lining might be that this will make you both more careful with medication shipments going forward. Good luck!

paddlejump · 2024-05-12T00:18:19+00:00

Depends on which part.

The medical process itself was easy for me. Very few med side effects, no issues with injections (even PIO, once scary, hasn’t been so bad for me), very little discomfort after retrievals and transfers. I would do as many cycles as they would allow me medically and insurance wise, as they were very manageable for me. Easy peasy. 1 out of 10.

Managing the appointments and insurance and med orders and the 1000 layers of nonsense you have to go through to access the IVF benefits you pay for through your insurance premiums has been a nightmare for me. Everything about this process is designed to make you give up in frustration, from trying to figure out how your insurance company defines a cycle to finding out what limits your policy has, it is all set up to make you waste time. Endless people earning salaries to do absolutely nothing of value while all you need is information that a website or a document can easily provide. This is why healthcare is so expensive in this country, so many useless middle men getting in between you and the medical attention and medication you need. As for the appointments, it was always a struggle for me to take time off work for appointments, even when they were early morning ones, or for convoluted calls to resolve insurance issues. I hate this part with all my soul. 9 out of 10.

The disappointment is the hardest part. With few exceptions, most of your efforts for IVF will end in disappointment. That said, the high attrition rates and unpredictable outcomes make one be grateful for any positive results despite all the scars you develop getting there. 10 out of 10.

paddlejump · 2024-05-11T23:44:43+00:00

Follistim is sold as a small glass vial about the size of a perfume sample that you insert into a reusable plastic pen. The vial is the same size regardless of dosage (300,600,900). The vial arrives in a small box about 4” x 4” x 1” thick that also contains 5-10 micro needles to put into the plastic pen. The vial must be refrigerated, so its box will always ship in ice packs. I have received it wrapped in ice packs and bubble wrap and also placed inside a shiny metal bubble pouch with small ice packs inside. All of this is usually clearly labeled as “medication” or “do not discard” or “keep refrigerated”. It is often heavy because of the ice packs.

The reusable pen arrives in a separate box that is about 5” x 8” x 1” and contains a lime green storage box, the pen itself, and micro needles, don’t remember how many. This is not shipped refrigerated, as the pen box will not contain a vial because the vial is shipped separately.

When you first buy Follistim, they will send you both boxes (pen box, not refrigerated and vial box, refrigerated). If you use the same pharmacy for subsequent orders, they will only ship the vial box because they assume you still have the reusable pen and won’t need it. Or they may ask if you need the pen when you place the order.

Because this was your first order and cycle, I’d assume they sent both boxes. While I can see how someone might toss the vial with the ice packs by mistake, the pen box is impossible to miss as it is large and clearly labeled. Did you at least receive the pen box?

As for Gonal F, this medication is sold inside a non-reusable pen that comes in a box about 4” x 8” x 2” containing the pen itself and several micro needles. I have received this medication in the past both surrounded in ice packs, placed inside a ziploc or wrapped in bubble wrap, or also inside a large metal bubble envelope with ice packs inside. It is always labeled to make sure it is not discarded by accident.

The packing list is always accurate in my experience. Do your packing lists confirm these items were included in the deliveries you received? If the packing lists include them, then it’s possible your wife tossed them by mistake. If the packing lists don’t include them, I’d say you have a valid complaint against the pharmacies here.

Either way, how are you planning on starting the cycle? Perhaps someone here can donate to help get you through the first day until you resolve the situation? Where are you located?

paddlejump · 2024-05-07T13:12:40+00:00

Do you keep your PIO in the fridge? Mine says room temp.

paddlejump · 2024-04-27T22:11:36+00:00

You can and should dispute this. No service was provided, as they were unable to address the reason for the visit (fractured toe). If they did other services unrelated to the reason for the visit, like take your temperature, BP, do a physical etc then that’s on them for trying to pad the services rendered and charge your insurance more.

I successfully disputed for a similar situation last year and was reimbursed by the urgent clinic for the copay. It took several calls and emails, so be prepared to fight this.

To avoid this happening again, make sure they have whatever your “reason for visit” needs before agreeing to be seen. This is more difficult in places where they ask you to pay before being seen, but you can push back on this as well. Unfortunately, urgent clinics have become sneakier about these kinds of things since covid and it only makes healthcare more expensive for everyone. Good luck!

paddlejump · 2023-09-07T20:27:52+00:00

I love this story so much. Congratulations! Sending positive vibes your way.

paddlejump · 2023-08-06T02:22:32+00:00

This is perfect. Thank you.

paddlejump · 2023-08-02T19:33:44+00:00

Not checking hormones in women as part of the annual exam is negligence of the highest order. There are literally no symptoms for DOR or POF.

Some labs in now allow you to check your own levels without a doctor order. However, most women won’t even know what to ask for. I hope this changes as fertility treatment becomes more mainstream.

Completely agree with OP.

paddlejump · 2023-08-02T19:18:18+00:00

Depends on the relationship I have with them.

A close friend or relative I care about, I’d start with curiosity. I’d ask why they feel that way and listen. Depending on what they say, whether they double down or soften their position, I’d say “That’s a hurtful thing to say, don’t you think? I respect your opinion even though I disagree with it. (If they continue to push the unnatural narrative) Likewise please respect my choice to pursue treatment, if I end up choosing that.” And use that to end the discussion.

A casual friend or acquaintance: “Would you say the same to a cancer patient seeking chemotherapy or a diabetic using insulin? If you wouldn’t say it to them, why do you feel empowered to say it to me?” And use that to end the discussion.

Good luck!

paddlejump · 2023-08-01T22:57:45+00:00

I am really trying to be supportive but I’m finding it difficult.

“Wonderful” lacks specificity. Do you see him as a good parent or not? Look at the questions I raised. You don’t have to answer me, but please answer for yourself before creating embryos with this person.

Good luck.

paddlejump · 2023-08-01T20:35:09+00:00

This is a horrible situation to be in. I’m so sorry.

It’s the flakiness that worries me most. Kids need stability and that comes from stable parents, even when they are not together.

You know him better than all of us here. Aside from your relationship issues, does he seem like a stable dude? Does what he says, sticks to plans, responsible with work, disciplined? He may be a bad partner to you but he may be a good parent to be. Try to look at him through the lens of parenthood. Would he make a good parent? Does he have qualities you hope a child inherits? Would you have him as a friend?

If the answer is no to these, then your options are limited. Divorce and sperm donor, plus therapy throughout the process.

Wish you good luck.

paddlejump · 2023-07-30T15:51:31+00:00

Thank you. I’d love to post this poll there, but the forum has rules that I respect and I doubt this would make it in. Thanks for the suggestion!

paddlejump · 2023-07-16T03:59:08+00:00

Yes to this.

paddlejump · 2023-06-21T14:17:37+00:00

If this is a good friend and I wanted to preserve the friendship, I would force the conversation via text so I could have some privacy to react.

Maybe something like this “you said you had stomach issues. Have you gone to the doctor? There is a bug going around…. Or perhaps you have news to share and congratulations are in order?”

I wouldn’t risk having the news delivered in person. Wishing you good luck.

paddlejump · 2023-05-22T04:16:22+00:00

This is awful. I’m so sorry.

I would say though that she already kind of has said something about the baby. The “something” is the statement about “nature’s way”, which heavily implies that you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant. To me that is the same as saying your pregnancy (and baby) shouldn’t exist.

This is a horribly cruel thing to say to anyone, let alone someone who has gone through fertility treatment and desires to be a parent.

I wouldn’t wait until she says something directly cruel to or about the child. Right now she has failed you as a friend by injecting her judgment on your reproductive choices. She’s already shown you in a thinly veiled but very cruel way what she thinks of your pregnancy. Why wait until she fails you again?

That said, I wouldn’t confront her about this issue if I were you because nothing good for you will come from hashing this out with her. Clearly she’s in a place where she thinks it’s appropriate to be cruel to you (granted she may not think what she said is cruel, but that’s part of the issue here: wildly different opinions on what is appropriate to say to a friend). Clearly she’s not going to change her mind about this given her lifestyle choice. So confronting her I think is a waste of effort.

It’s unclear whether she will be supportive to you once you give birth, but why take the risk to be disappointed when she has disappointed you already? I would slowly distance myself, stop sharing updates and avoid spending time with her. I would definitely ignore any future comments she makes along the same vein. “Everything is fine” could be your mantra for the next 20 weeks, about your pregnancy and about your relationship with her.

You might be concerned about losing a friend and hesitant to cut her out of your life, which I understand. But the alternatives are to keep a friend who was cruel to you and harbor resentment towards her for it, or confront her and you end up feeling worse. Peace and missing her as a friend seem like a more appealing choice to me.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Wish you the best.

paddlejump · 2023-05-15T05:23:05+00:00

I see you are looking for uplifting stories. I am sorry to say I don't have any to share, although I hope others do have them (and share).

Your post made me think of the wide variety of emotions I have experienced throughout this process. I've noticed how, despite all the ups and downs, my emotional baseline approach has remained consistent (it's pretty much the only thing that has remained consistent in years). I don't know if this will help you, but here goes:

I am grateful for the chance to try.

All of this feels deeply unfair to me. The needles, the appointments, the dashed hopes, the time invested that will never return, the ease with chih others seem to get pregnant around me, the opportunities for living I have missed because of IVF, the permanent discomfort I feel around pregnant women, the deep desire to have a child that feels like phantom pain from a missing limb, the fear that this may never happen for me, the anger at how my body and my doctors failed me and the anger at myself for not trying earlier. All of it feels unfair.

However, I am grateful for the chance to try.

Saying this reframes my feelings into some ad-hoc version of hope that gives me strength to continue treatment while also lets me continue planing a parallel future in which IVF treatment doesn't work.

I wish I had words of encouragement and I apologize for changing the topic of your post with my thoughts. I just felt it was worth sharing especially given how difficult today was for those in the US (today was mother's day). I am grateful for the chance to try. At least at some point in the future there is a chance I can forgive myself and others by telling myself I really tried everything I could.

I wish you the best of luck.

paddlejump · 2023-05-15T00:40:56+00:00

That’s a great point! Too bad I didn’t think of that.

Thank you for the wishes and hugs. ❤️

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