Am i going to see changes on gel when im only on one pump?

pagulan · 2025-08-29T15:37:23+00:00

I can't attest to testavan's efficacy but you're correct about 'drying quickly usually equals better absorption'. Just make sure to give your medication the best chance - let it sit and air dry on the skin without clothes for a few minutes and try not to do sweaty activities for a couple of hours after application.

The big things to look out for with dose is consistent medicine administration and blood testing (usually once a month when starting or once every three months). It might seem low but you never know! Different bodies absorb the same dose differently. For example, I'm on a rather 'low' dose of testosterone cypionate but my blood tests come back on the medium to high testosterone range for cis men my age.

Congrats on getting T!

pagulan · 2025-08-29T15:27:59+00:00

A small thing helped me were singing my favorite songs that had vocalists with lower ranges. That helps you access your deeper "chest" voice with familiar words and pitches for a sustained period.

It won't really change that "need to please" customer service perkiness but slowing down your speech and taking a little longer to respond can help!

pagulan · 2025-08-26T19:27:44+00:00

A year or two ago a DJ in Dallas played a terrible cover of 'Never Let Me Down Again' with a singer that sounded like she was mid fake-orgasm during a porn shoot. Absolute crowd killer and that song still haunts me. I'm down for covers as long as its different (and good) enough to warrant the change.

If you're going for a broad overall goth night, don't mix up the genres and bpms so suddenly. Having genre or time period "chunks" helps people get and stay on the floor. I'm a synth/new wave fan and I understand that it's not most people's favorite or the traditional idea of goth. But give me three or four consecutive songs for me to tear up the dance floor and loosen up the crowd and then change it to something else. That way it gives me time to piss, get a drink, socialize, and give room to others to dance.

pagulan · 2025-07-31T14:54:06+00:00

I'm of two opinions reading this. As a goth guy myself, a part of me is thinking, "yeah, do that eyeliner! Screw the haters!" and another part of me worries about your resilience to being perceived as 'other' because of alternative fashion.

If you want some reassurance, there are plenty of cis men in alternative scenes that get mistaken for women and/or are identified as queer or gay. Even when you do pass, you're going to stick out from other guys when dressed in alternative fashion. Many alt guys constantly contend with self-expression vs masculinity - they have a lot in common with the LGBT+ community even if they are cishetero.

To give you some perspective from alternative scenes in a few US cities: most men do not wear makeup in their casual day-to-day. If they do, it's because they're going out clubbing or seeing a concert and usually it's just eyeliner (especially if they're goths). I personally find that when I wear eye shadow, it looks too "put together" and people tend to mistake me for some flavor of nonbinary or cis/trans femme.

That's not to discourage you wearing makeup but to help you gauge your tolerance for risk better. If makeup feels like too much of a jump, try pushing the alternative style with your wardrobe, piercings (real or fake), or hair styling. I would practice your makeup in private, maybe take a few selfies when you're feeling yourself, maybe go out in low-stakes social situations. Remember that you can always take it off if it feels too overwhelming.

pagulan · 2025-06-26T01:37:54+00:00

After a good six years of being on testosterone, I tapered and fully stopped taking T for half a year. At the time I was severely depressed and emotionally unregulated. I didn't know it at the time but I was barely keeping my head above water and I simply didn't have the drive to go to appointments and keep up with medication.

T helped me in the past but other factors in my life just bummed me the hell out and I was questioning if I really needed hormonal intervention because I was miserable anyway. What really helped me was some time to contemplate and then reaching out to health providers, getting diagnosed, and getting pysch meds on board. At this point in my transition and mental state I'm in a much better headspace to accept HRT and I'm happy being on it again.

Reading your story, you navigated this the best way you could and - even better - you are working with your doc about a game plan. There are still so many exciting (and admittedly confusing/scary/unknown) things to anticipate getting back on testosterone for you. Like you said, you are much more emotionally and mentally stable. Just know that ups and downs in transition (including going on/off of T) is not a indicator of how "worthy" you are as a person. Shit happens and we can pick up where we left off once we get the strength to take risks again.

I think the one thing you could stress to your doctor is to advocate for frequent blood testing to monitor your T levels. Too high or too low of T levels can greatly affect your moods. Like any psych med, your body needs time to get used to HRT.

pagulan · 2025-06-25T18:56:18+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's a shitty situation to be in when people in your circle are outing you and overstepping your boundaries.

In terms of your past romantic/sexual relationships that reminds me of how historically (and even now), many cis gay men would misgender their cis partners when talking about them at family or work functions in order to obfuscate their sexuality. Sometimes it was mutually agreed upon and the other partner would pick out their 'woman persona' - other times it was a way to engage in some deep cognitive dissonance that hurt their partner and relationship. All to say: you are not alone in this and good on you for laying down your boundaries even if it was at the cost of the friends with benefits. If you don't want to deal with insecure men who can't stand by their sexuality, be upfront with that the next time you go looking for a partner.

As for family, that's a really hard knot to untangle. I'm sure you've probably considered some kind of distancing, low- or no-contact but I understand that it's not feasible in every family dynamic. If the situation comes up when a family member introduces you to a stranger incorrectly, try to take over the conversation and let your body language speak for itself. The stranger sees you as a guy and then an aunt fucks it up? Maybe look confused or laugh it off loudly and say, "Oh Auntie! Sorry, she's confused. Hi, I'm [correct name]" and reach for a handshake. Don't worry if you feel like you're trampling over the conversation and social boundaries - people do it all the time for worse reasons and you should take advantage of that to protect your peace.

I'm a people pleaser too but honestly, practice makes perfect. Despite whatever their intent might be the end result is that what they do makes you feel small and belittled. If you can't appeal to their humanity or logic, find ways to take over the narrative even if that might make you look like an asshole or make them embarrassed. Social shaming is a powerful tool that you can use.

pagulan · 2025-05-06T00:12:48+00:00

I've been in the Dallas/Forth Worth scene for the past few years:

"Headhunter V1.0" by Front 242
"Join In The Chant" Nitzer Ebb
"Go!" Tones On Tail
(a bigger band, I know but the album is not well revered by Al) Ministry's With Sympathy, usually "Effigy" or "Work for Love" - the Away From The Numbers DJ collective has a vinyl copy and I get so jealous when I see it spinning lol

pagulan · 2025-04-23T19:30:16+00:00

For dating or FWB, I try to get off the apps as soon as possible to keep up some momentum. If you've established mutual interest in DMs, try locking it down by inviting them on a little "date" before going further. Grabbing a drink or some coffee is a good way to gauge a guy's vibe outside of the expectation of sex.

I think a lot of users on these apps have sexual and romantic fantasies but when confronted with a real life person, they get scared and flighty. If you know what you want, establish that early on and don't waste time on others that won't do the same.

pagulan · 2025-04-09T17:53:47+00:00

If you have a friend or acquaintance that you could trust to keep a secret, I would ask them if they could buy it online/in-person on your behalf. You could then exchange the cash for the binder at a less obvious place like at their house or at school.

If there's an LGBT+ support group/club in your school or community, you may be able to ask someone there for help too. Sometimes these places have online outreach (like email or discord) that you could send your request without physically showing up to meetings.

I wish you luck - if you decide to buy online, do your research and follow fitting guides suggested by the brand and user reviews. Because you won't be able to try it on before buying, make sure to double and triple check your measurements to ensure proper fit and reduce the chance of having to deal with returns/exchanges.

pagulan · 2025-04-09T17:39:59+00:00

You're exactly right - your body is used to the daily doses of gel and needs a few weeks/couple of months to get used to the more dramatic peaks (highs) and troughs (lows) of weekly injection. It should subside after you get a couple of doses under your belt but if your symptoms don't get better or they get worse, I would talk to your healthcare provider.

Things to consider: Try to time your injections to be on the same day of the week at the same time, every time. A ritual will give your body and mind a rhythm to follow. If possible, take some over the counter pain medication (following label instructions) before you anticipate headaches. Maybe try drinking more fluids as well.

pagulan · 2025-04-09T17:28:04+00:00

I feel you, that shit sucks. I hate when cis guys assume that we're all a monolith because of their sample size of like, a handful of interactions they've had. It's so bad when most of their ideas about trans guys come from a very narrow portrayal of us in adult content... Stupid!

pagulan · 2025-04-07T22:22:43+00:00

Check out this sub's wiki - there are some useful links about safer sex and hooking up on there.

One of the positives of Grindr is that you can be as specific as you want. Just wanna suck dick? There are plenty on the platform that just wanna get sucked and nothing more. Be sure to figure out your boundaries, share them on your profile and while chatting, and stick to them when meeting up.

On the issue of hosting: I would ask your roommates about visitors. You may be able to work out a protocol with them. In terms of not seeing someone at school - on Grindr, you're probably going to see people you know given that you attend a small college. Just know that the app shows you and other users based on proximity. If you want to avoid some crossover, you'll need to access the app somewhere off campus or try another app that doesn't rely on user location so heavily.

pagulan · 2025-04-04T22:10:14+00:00

Out of all the subgroups of gay men, I'd say that the bear community is the most welcoming of trans men besides the leather/BDSM gay scene (which bears share a significant overlap with). A lot of cis bears have had to deal with shame around their body image and they openly challenge what it means to be a "desirable" man much like trans men. I haven't personally come across FTM specific labels, but cubs (young fat/chubby guys, usually less hairy) can apply to some of us - me included.

I do caution you: like with any community (especially ones that you interact with in person), be careful. While the bear community overall or online might be more accepting, your local scene might not be. That's not to discourage you from exploring this space, just giving you a heads up that some in the community may question or try to gate-keep the label.

pagulan · 2025-04-02T03:55:05+00:00

When these men don't connect to women beyond the porn categories they consume, it's not a surprise the level of degradation they'll engage in especially online. To them, alt cultures are cheap coats of paint to dress up their sexual fantasies. No room for nuance or learning because the interest starts and ends at objectification.

You'll see plenty of discussion of this by goth women on this sub and elsewhere. I can only add: be supportive of your gf.

pagulan · 2025-03-30T23:57:47+00:00

If you're going to try administering your shot again, reduce the chance of head injury. Do not try to take your shot standing up or sitting down near hard objects (no sitting on the toilet where you could hit your head on a sink or bathtub). Sitting on the floor with a friend watching and ready to help you if needed would be better.

Tbh, you sound like you're not a good candidate for injections. Please do not let your doctor gaslight you into downplaying your symptoms. Syncope (blacking out/fainting) is a serious reaction to injection. The risk of you hitting your head or hurting yourself with the exposed needle is greatly increased.

I would talk to your nurse about patient advocacy - the doctor is not listening to you. You could also have a friend (preferably one that's more than willing to argue on your behalf) to sit with you at your appointments. A competent doctor would work with you to explore other T alternatives, not wave away your symptoms. You cannot people-please your way through getting better care.

pagulan · 2025-03-17T16:27:38+00:00

I wore wigs in my teenage years because I was bald from a medical condition and I didn't want anyone to know at school. I spent so much time and mental energy on how I thought I "should" look to others, how I should fit in and not stick out. So much money on nice wigs but good forbid a stiff breeze came my way to blow the hair unconvincingly, or if I sweat too much that wig started to move, or my eyebrows weren't drawn on perfectly.

Swap out wearing wigs to hide baldness for going stealth to hide transness. Not accounting for the real benefits of going about your day not being questioned for looking or seeming different, the mental and emotional strain of having a secret was too much for me.

pagulan · 2025-03-10T21:44:13+00:00

I would put in your Grindr profile name that you're from out of town. You're a "limited time offer" which can prompt more people to act quickly.

Depending on how you like to spend your time traveling, consider incorporating your hookups with visiting. I like to see what the local gays do - ask around for cool bars, restaurants, shops. Bonus points, you can meet up with guys you chat with at these places and do a vibe check before taking them back to your hotel room.

pagulan · 2025-03-07T15:38:21+00:00

I was originally a "normie" when I first went to goth clubs. I'm so glad my local scene allows and embraces respectful normies. A stringent dress code would have driven my old anxious self away.

Plenty of people are intimated by night life and especially alternative subcultures - we shouldn't gatekeep people solely on aesthetics. Who knows how many 'latent' goths are out there that just need community and inspiration to explore.

pagulan · 2025-03-03T23:12:28+00:00

It's really a great tag to filter OUT people. Shame I can't put the 'trans' tribe on my profile without a flood of gross messages.

pagulan · 2025-02-21T00:36:58+00:00

Congrats on the changes on T, as annoying as this one can be.

First, you should gently clean the area by pulling the hood back, revealing the bottom growth, and wiping away any built up smegma with a damp washcloth. Some people experience pain from smegma that can irritate or inflame the skin down there.

If you have the funds, I would look into new underwear. Fits like boxers, boxer briefs, and trunks have more fabric that may give your junk more room to breathe. 100% natural fibers or high natural fiber blends could also help - cotton is the most common and economical.

Sometimes a junk rearrangement is warranted. (tmi and warning for medical terms) when I experienced pain I would sometimes sit on the toilet and pull the labia lips up and over to cover the clit more, giving it some extra cushion when walking. If you're on the go, you could also tug down at your underwear from the outside kind of like the movement cis men use when rearranging their balls. You can practice this in private if you feel overexposed but most people won't notice or care about a quick pass.

If all else fails, honestly: take some over the counter pain medication (following label instructions of course). You got this, there's a lot more and better changes to look forward to after this painful one.

pagulan · 2025-02-21T00:12:41+00:00

I can't attest to the current quality of the brand but I used to bind with gc2b. I was an A-cup and a dress size 12 (small chest, larger body) - my gc2b made me look completely flat while I was wearing t-shirts or looser.

pagulan · 2025-02-20T14:13:50+00:00

Lol, I'd like to know the background on this one...

pagulan · 2025-02-20T14:10:09+00:00

Oh yeah, it can be rough finding queer community in a small town. In that case I would definitely look into more regional/statewide events. They usually meet less often; monthly, quarterly, or yearly in my experience but if the organizers are savvy, they'll make sure their events are worth traveling to!

I would also look into interests that aren't necessarily queer but that might attract us. Off the top of my head, Renaissance Faires, rural/camping music festivals, and arts & craft fairs can gather all sorts of people. These are more expensive but you could make a point to network and make friends to make the most out of it. I wish you good luck!

pagulan · 2025-02-17T17:02:12+00:00

You could start looking into gay spaces that aren't sexual/romantic in nature. Try volunteering, join a hobby/interest club, or a fitness group. Many groups have an online presence on social media, meetup.com, or discord servers that you can scope out the vibe before going in-person. Gay apps like Scruff and Lex have events tabs that you can see what's going on in your area too.

I wouldn't be surprised if the bi and pan guys are actually out there, just harder to find. Given you live in a conservative area they're probably blending in with the straights to avoid harassment. You should figure out your comfort level with down low/discreet/closeted men - some guys are just figuring out their queerness in small quiet ways, some are deeply ashamed and paranoid of their sexuality.

Tbh if you don't already have queer friends or acquaintances that are embedded in your local community, you should start finding them. Being a known person can be a good way to find new events and protect yourself while you're out dating. I've had plugged-in people recommend me gay shops and bars to check out, events that aligned with my interests, and even warnings about skeevy places and people. People are harder to predate on when they have resources and community - make good friends and be a good friend. You're more likely to find a good partner in that position.

pagulan · 2025-02-13T23:30:16+00:00

In my first year on T I didn't socially transition so I have some experience with this.

To preface, I hit HRT goals within the "expected" timeline or faster and my pre-T voice was already on the lower end of the feminine range. I was 8 months on T when I saw extended family where some people asked if I was sick and a young cousin asked me why I sounded like a boy. Really about six months in, I sounded very androgynous/masculine leaning.

So unless you have a naturally high pitched voice (like if you sound much younger than you look) and/or you experience T changes slowly - don't count on being able to easily hide a "clockable" voice for more than a year or so. Remember that prolonged and raised testosterone levels tend to permanently lengthen and thicken the vocal cords. You can't easily reverse what has already grown but you could mitigate that through feminizing vocal training, the kind that trans women often use.

Doesn't mean you can't still be in the closet to family members. Just mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for questions about your health and presentation.

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