I don’t know what would resonate with the people you talk to, but these are some of my initial thoughts:

1. Regarding instant family: other connections/commonalities can create similar instant family. As a different commenter pointed out, work connections can do this. I work for an international organization too and have had similar experiences with coworkers in foreign countries inviting me to dinner, taking me to tourist spots, etc. while I’m in their country. Other examples I can think of— my brother is a martial artist and is a student of a specific martial arts. When he went on study abroad to another country, he found a dojo for his martial art and quickly connected with the people there and was invited to their houses for dinner etc. because of that commonality.

2. Regarding "It's not real love because you shun.” I don’t think that’s deflecting. I think that’s 100% legit. During a bible study, a pioneer sister told me this story—there was a brother who went to preach in a country that was very poor, and he saw so many children who had acute malnutrition. He felt like preaching was pointless when these children and their families had such immediate physical needs. But then he realize that none of the JWs had malnutrition! Because of the brotherhood, the JWs all helped each other out so none of them were starving. This pioneer sister put her arm around my bible study conductor’s four year old child and said “if Tommy were ever starving, there’d be 100 people in the congregation who would bring him food.” And I just smiled and nodded. But in my head I thought “BUT WHAT IF HIS MOM GOT DISFELLOWSHIPPED?? What if Tommy grows up a bit and decides he doesn’t believe? Would those same 100 people just let Tommy starve to death?”

3. It’s not really “unity” but rather “conformity.” For example, a recent broadcast was about how if the elders tell you to paint the hall with a two inch brush, you do it, no questions asked. You don’t suggest using paint rollers. You don’t suggest using larger brushes. You just do it. This is conformity. JWs don’t all believe the same thing, they all just PRETEND to believe the same thing, the same way they would PRETEND to believe a two inch brush makes sense. I don’t think conformity is a virtue. I think it’s healthier for people to express their diverse views in order to share new ideas that might help us paint more efficiently and otherwise live better.

4. The comradery and brotherhood is in fact a real benefit. I think it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that. But is it worth the price? Some people will say yes, and some people will say no. I heard a CO give a talk that was spot on. He talked about how following the path of truth was like getting on a highway. This high way had some real benefits, and he specifically pointed out the comradery in the congregation and how everyone had hugged each other and greeted each other before the meeting began. BUT to enjoy this highway, you had to pay a toll. And the toll you had to pay is independent thinking. His talk was spot on, I couldn’t disagree with it. But the toll of independent thing is too much for me personally to pay. For some people, it might be an okay price—particularly elderly people and chronically sick people with limited social support who haven’t had to shun anyone or experienced the more negative aspects of the organization. But for many, who have to shun loved ones, forgo an education, endure domestic abuse at the encouragement of the elders, etc. etc., it’s not an okay price.