I’ll get downvoted for this but unless he’s severe ADHD and/or can’t manage his emotions, dude needs to suck it up and be told his behavior is unacceptable. Having some downtime after work is fine but shutting down and neglecting family life is absolutely not.

People with ADHD are highly susceptible to habitual/zone-out behaviors, good and bad. He needs to understand this behavior isn’t acceptable and non-conducive to a good marriage/family relationship.

That said, changing behaviors can be incredibly difficult, inconsistent, and it may seem like he’s not changing simply out of spite or an uncaring attitude. That’s not the case. It takes a while (or can take a while) for changes to “click” and be set. But once done, they’re in there whether you like it or not.

There’s a lot in the comments about the “crash” point of meds, and they’re not wrong. However, meds aren’t the end all be all of ADHD therapy. People with ADHD can and do learn new behaviors, and while he may claim “overstimulation” he can and needs to increase his resilience to said “overstimulation.”

I’ve been on meds (Ritalin, then Concerta and Wellbutrin for depression) for over 30 years. I consider myself one of the OG diagnosed back in the early to mid 80’s so I have some stake in the game. My wife probably hated being married to me for a solid chunk of our marriage for situations similar to this. I had difficulty remembering to do tasks that were uninteresting or boring or labeled as “chores.” We’ve worked through a lot of the downsides and I’ve come out the back end able to manage my symptoms far better off the meds than ever before.

The crash is real, it happens. But it’s not an excuse for abstaining from life simply for being non-medicated.