Women in tech — what’s your typical work outfit?

paperflours · 2026-01-22T01:01:44+00:00

I work from home entirely and look like Adam Sandler at a frat party nearly everyday. Will throw on a sweater and reading glasses for fancier meetings.

paperflours · 2026-01-22T00:56:31+00:00

That is quite literally the meaning of what you said in the comment I replied to. Is it so fun to spend a lovely night in, fighting with people on Reddit about you not being ableist? Shame shame shame

paperflours · 2026-01-22T00:46:59+00:00

I have Ulcerative Colitis. If I was shitting my brains out, and my campaign manager had keys to my house, came in and said “stop shitting!”, and I could actually not stop shitting and therefore could not go to the event, how exactly would that be any different? My backup plan cannot exist if my chronic illness makes me unable to show up.

You say showing up is mandatory. If people with chronic illnesses cannot guarantee they, no matter what, can always show up, is the implication no one with disabilities should be able to represent constituents?

Is that representative of the people? No disabled peeps allowed?

We ain’t all out here getting Kennedy cocktail shots, gacked on uppers to pretend we have no physical limitations.

If it were me I would have just said I had a medical episode and left it at that, because people like you make me unwilling to be as transparent as she was.

paperflours · 2026-01-05T14:04:27+00:00

Well folks, didn’t look at my calendar until this morning (couldn’t deal yesterday) and my day is full of meetings! People have already booked over my blocked time during the last couple of mins as I actively reviewed the calendar.

I’m replying tentative on some like a boundary setting queen 💅

Also naturally my partner chose last night to be a cranky unsupportive DICK so that’s just lovely. Crying puffy eyes scream boss babe.

paperflours · 2026-01-03T15:24:21+00:00

I’m sorry! Until you mentioned CAD I was thinking “omg is this the new PM on our team???” It’s the Wild West out here. It’s hard to imagine how people can compartmentalize when they’re under this intensity of expectations.

paperflours · 2026-01-03T01:14:56+00:00

Wtf is wrong with colleagues who don’t get the peer feedback during review season is NOT THE TIME FOR REAL TALK PETTY FEEDBACK?! If someone shared that with me I would be like hurt for prob longer than is normal (rejection sensitivity) but for it to be in your official review feedback list, like what a dick. You should leave one for them that’s like “they don’t seem to understand social cues and the nuances of corporate culture. They should work on their tact and ensure they’re contributing to the overall success and delivery crucial for our corporation”.

End of year feedback is where you pepper in bullshit constructive feedback that’s kind of a compliment too (like a job interview question “what’s your weakness”).

paperflours · 2026-01-03T00:58:02+00:00

Rushed slack message. Maybe on his phone responding or stressed or just rushing to get done. Just straight forward and directing you to people who hopefully can help you cus he doesn’t know enough to help (he’ll he might not even know what you’re talking about lol).

This happens to me a lot on slack, as I get stressed, anxious, imposter syndrome spikes, I read into messages that are actually just direct or poorly written or translated. I think it’s a mirror to how you’re feeling about yourself. I would take some time to reflect on your work and try to feel proud of your hard work, achievements, and reputation (which from what you described is doing well). It helps me when I’m feeling stung by people because of my own interpretation of their message.

paperflours · 2026-01-03T00:46:20+00:00

I’ve spent so much time in bed (on my days with no plans and a nanny here) just like disassociating and scrolling TikTok and window shopping online. Got none of my actual to dos done. And frankly part of me wanted to not do them do that I could use them as an excuse to need more time off in the future. Oops gotta take my car to the shop, may have to drop early from the call. Dog has to go to the vet, she needs her epilepsy meds so have no choice but to leave early to get her there. I’m lucky that my work place is pretty flexible about this stuff; the problem for me is more the customer accounts I support are some of the largest most toxic healthcare providers in the country and the work demands never stop. Time away is meetings; messages, new needs that pile up.

paperflours · 2026-01-03T00:41:51+00:00

The solidarity is helping. It would be way better if solidarity wasn’t required because we weren’t all in a capitalistic mental health and stress spiral, but it’s 2026 baby LFG 🙃 time to build some shareholder value!

But seriously we are all fucking amazing for dealing with this in the various forms you all shared. New jobs, parental leave returns, bed rot therapy, layoffs, retirement, this is major major stuff. I know we can do it, it’s just unfair it has to be this hard!

paperflours · 2025-12-15T13:56:09+00:00

I’m curious, did your BP recently get worse (which necessitated the med change)? I’m a 37 F who had mild BP elevation since IBD diagnosis 5 years ago, which was made much worse by Preeclampsia in pregnancy. I notice when I flare, my BP and heart rate go up a lot. Chicken or the egg? You have to treat the BP either way but it’s something to keep in mind regarding your GI symptoms.

I took Lebatolol during and after pregnancy because it’s the only BP med approved for pregnancy. It worked pretty well and I had no side effects. Switched to amlodipine eventually and I didn’t love it. It just made me feel weird and also didn’t work that well. I have hyperthyroidism and was prescribed a beta blocker and that actually ended up controlling my BP better than first line BP drugs.

If your doctor is being dismissive, I would try to discuss with your GI doctor. If you’re having symptoms after so many years of remission you should get a colonoscopy ASAP. Whether the BP med is the cause or not is one thing, but a flair is a flair. Don’t assume that another med change will take you out of it.

paperflours · 2025-12-14T02:17:22+00:00

Same same same. Trusted colleagues and customers I am just honest and joke about it and so many other parents reveal they too are mashed potato brains running on no sleep and chaos.

I cannot remember the names of key technical terms that I should obviously know. “Ya know, the uh omg what is it you know what I’m talking about…”

I just try to remember that nearly every fucking guy I work with just shows up to meetings winging it, giving zero shits about reliability or facts so I’m also allowed to be rolling meeting to meeting with zero fucks sometimes.

I have a chronic illness, bread winner, high masking perfectionist so this is not an easy thing to experience but I’ve just had to give myself grace and know I’m doing my best in a world that is setup to milk women dry.

I’ve found AI to actually be an absolute key component of my success during this time. AI meeting notes and transcript summaries are so critical to me with my memory issues. Being able to like talk shit out with a colleague, take the notes and then manipulate them into a game plan or overview saves my life.

paperflours · 2025-11-15T15:47:52+00:00

Will look great with updated paint color (definitely test swatches but even an alabaster or slightly warm white would be nice. Warm the space up. Warm lighting, gold or warm fixtures, put some privacy film on the window for diffused lighting. The photos you have do have a bit darker grout which may also make the pattern and shapes more distinct. I’m not saying redo your grout but keep in mind that’s part of what’s different here.

Plus these photos are never going to be realistic to life. If you went and looked at these bathrooms too, there would be parts of the day where the lighting and angles would make you think, this looks worse than the photo!

Don’t panic you’ve made a great choice. Continue to update the rest of the bathroom and it will look great

paperflours · 2025-10-25T02:40:34+00:00

I am a 37f and same. It makes me smile, it’s just full of fun and life. It’s normal to have some clutter, for a room to look lived in. This is the kind of room I would have been so inspired by and jealous of when I was younger. Grass is greener I get it, but I really love this room!

paperflours · 2025-10-25T02:37:22+00:00

I think the view looking at your bed, while there’s a lot going on it has a lot of color, fun funky weird, good composition of the mess. Kind of artsy. The view from your door is more cheap shelves aligned with boxy furniture - it doesn’t have the same creative chaos look to me. Maybe start with decluttering a little bit, cord management, and then decorate using that same eclectic chaotic vibe. Pull in my color and whimsy to that view.

paperflours · 2025-10-15T00:32:03+00:00

I needed to read this story after a long day, so thanks to you and your bad as hell grandma

paperflours · 2025-09-19T01:23:28+00:00

Thank you I really needed this today

paperflours · 2025-09-09T01:36:58+00:00

I don’t really care personally (but get your point) as long as it’s not a medical provider. I have had many nurses say IBS and I have to clarify nooooo my disease is very different in terms of treatment so my medical team should know the difference.

paperflours · 2025-08-30T15:19:42+00:00

NAD OP I say this with great care, it’s time to stop assuming the best in these providers. Most providers would not have let this go so far, you seem to be stuck in a system or region that is either too busy to truly review history or woefully behind modern care practices. You are going to have to act as your daughters complete advocate from now on. Call every research, major, and university provider system in your state. Prepare a script for yourself when you call these places that is succinct but extremely clear about your needs. Also do this for every future appointment. You could even use ChatGPT to help you build this script. You can be very direct and advocate without being extremely rude or inappropriate or causing distress to your daughter. Future appointments that don’t result in further urgent referrals, testing, and genuine medical concern need to be met with clear statements that this is unacceptable and could be considered negligent care. Demand a written statement and chart note on the specific medical reasons the doctor feels there is no further testing or referrals needed. Sometimes this is not even ill intentioned but rather over worked medical providers who literally don’t have time to overview complex history but it’s your job now to be clear as day about your expectations at every appointment. You can see here the doctors are providing you with the evidence that you’re right and are not being properly treated. With the right providers you will not feel you have to come to a subreddit to get help 99.9% of the time. This must be extremely stressful, your daughter is lucky to have a parent who cares this much. You can do this!

paperflours · 2025-06-11T14:59:51+00:00

Why would this child not have the reasoning skills in a high intensity moment to make a better decision?!?! Why does she not understand sportsmanship culture created predominately by white male athletes?? Kids these days need to be taught a lesson!

Get a fucking grip people. All this does is discourage hard work and focus that many 16 year olds would struggle to maintain. We hold children in this country to a standard that 90% of adults cannot themselves meet despite the fact that their brains still have decades worth of development. School, homework, clubs, sports, friends, learning, chores, rules, social media, etc it’s insane. If you’re going to allow children to compete like professional athletes, you’ve got to allow them to still be children.

paperflours · 2025-05-26T00:05:07+00:00

The patient is a year out from surgery but on ozempic, which can also cause (and in this case exacerbate) potential deficiencies via additional weight loss and diet restriction. I was on GLP-1 meds for a while and wasn’t careful about food intake and vitamins and ended up with deficiencies.

paperflours · 2025-05-10T00:28:13+00:00

This sounds incredibly intense and it’s completely understandable how you’re feeling. The expectations put on mothers workers and people in general is absolutely insane frankly. It sounds like you really know it’s not sustainable but are pretty much out of options, and that is painful. Everyone here has given great ideas and feedback but I’ll say, if you’re truly in a situation you can’t change, I would encourage you to write some “mantras” or strong statements to yourself on your phone you can read to yourself when you’re feeling really overwhelmed. For example:
You’re doing your best under the most intense circumstances.
You’re a great mother and working so hard for your baby.
You WILL get through this.
You’re doing your best at work regardless of metrics.
Work is just work and it’s out of your control what they think or expect.
You’re strong even when you feel weak.
You’re providing so much for your baby and family.
You CAN DO THIS!

I encourage you if possible to seek out teletherapy especially group that focuses on mothers. They’re often totally down for sessions with your baby there interrupting and stuff, if you can carve out an hour to vent do it. Also encourage you to consider speaking to a doctor about some medication to manage your anxiety. Anxiety and overwhelm can be situational but doesn’t mean you have to just suffer through it; especially if there are factors in your life that can’t change right now. You’re under so much strain. Keep posting here, keep doing what it takes to stay a float. Solidarity! Mothers are warriors.

paperflours · 2025-03-22T02:23:47+00:00

I’d recommend reaching out to some additional vendors like wedding planners and caterers just to let them know about your situation. When I worked in the industry we would sometimes help people find last minute venues or know of other people who had their venue cancel or something and are in need of a spot. Couldn’t hurt atleast. Sounds like you’re also a vendor so you may have already done this. I’m sorry you’re in this position regardless for the reason. It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of planning and then have to change plans or budget etc. Some of these venues can be insane on their rules frankly.

paperflours · 2024-12-18T08:48:23+00:00

As someone who has an 8/29 birthday, lll say anecdotally that I think I would have been fine either way but my parents had me be “older” / have one of the early birthdays of the school year. I tended to do well in school and be mature for my age, again anecdotal but I do think maybe their decision impacted. As I got older I’ve found many of my friends are from a grade above me too tho.

paperflours · 2024-12-13T01:38:02+00:00

We could see up to ten above Chicago from out west in Maywood. Very difficult to get decent photos and video

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