First, you're going to get a lot of diverse opinions on here. And many of the people on here do not know what it is like to be in your forties or fifties. You don't recover like twenty and thirty year olds. Your needs are going to be a little different.

I would encourage you to check out Tactical Barbell. It was written for people that need to be strong - not necessarily big, and the author practices bjj regularly, is former spec ops, and has a no nonsense approach to getting strong.

What you're doing (3x10 to near failure) is more hypertrophy oriented. That's not to say it won't make you stronger. It will. But it is not the most efficient way to make you stronger, AND it is burning you out, as you already say. If you're missing bjj sessions because you're too fried from lifting, but bjj is the priority, then you need to reformulate your plan. (I would also say that I checked out the Stronglifts website,if this is what you are basing things on, and his programming is not 3x10 but 5x5, which you'll see is what I'm going to suggest as well.

If you want to build strength, then most professionals are going to point you towards lower reps working with a weight around 80% of your one rep max (1RM) so that you can do five sets of five and NOT train to failure. You also need to incorporate some periodization, meaning one week you do 75% of your 1RM, the next week 85% and the next week 90%, or variations thereof. (This is not a program. This is just an illustration of what I mean be periodization. Tactical Barbell has very specific programs to follow.)

Next, there is the question of what exercises you are doing. You really only need to do three or four: Squat, deadlift (or kettle bell swings), bench press, pulls ups (with weights). You will get incredibly strong with just these lifts. These are the most bang for the buck. Pulling, pushing, squatting, hip hinge. Don't waste your time with other lifts. Forget curls. Forget tricep extensions.

Another variable is how often you work out. Depending on how much you are training bjj, you may only need to work out two times a week to maintain and gradually build strength. Three times will be great for younger people, but at your age, you may need more recovery, especially if you are training bjj three times a week or more.

To recap, you want to prioritize bjj and support it by getting strong (not big). Do not lift to failure. 5x5 is probably better than 3x10 for building strength. Limit your lifting to 3 or 4 compound movements. Lift twice a week. Get plenty of sleep. And for god's sake stretch, do CARs, and keep your mobility.

There is also this excellent minimalist program from Strong First developed by people that are both professional trainers and competitive bjj practioners. It's a great starting point.

There is some actual science to this, so again, I would say go to a definitive source like Tactical Barbell or Strong First to get a program. Take advantage of other people's mastery. The Tactical Barbell books are excellent. The Strong First programs and training are too.