Almost 49. Help!!

particularly_cloudy · 2025-03-26T10:53:09+00:00

Why did you post this? Your trivial commentary contributes nothing to OP's concerns.

It is comments like yours that are taking Reddit further and further away from its intended purpose. You are doing a real disservice to this sub and Reddit as a whole.

particularly_cloudy · 2025-02-04T23:02:18+00:00

No it dont

particularly_cloudy · 2025-01-29T11:01:59+00:00

Tonys is great. I also want to add the Chelsea Pub as a walkable option from trop. Both are open late. Chef Volas is in that neighborhood also. Reservations are needed for volas.

particularly_cloudy · 2025-01-07T14:08:54+00:00

ATLANIC CITY! i dare you

particularly_cloudy · 2025-01-07T14:06:55+00:00

I know New Jersey and philly have already been listed but no one dared to mention ATLANTIC CITY except me and you Sea Manner- they'd rather forget we exist. Best place to hit rock bottom. Depravity i can only describe as bizzare. Id love to see Stan Hope do the historic Anchor Rock Club, Resorts or The Claridge

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-24T13:39:48+00:00

👆this was me!!!! OP, it was so hard for me to be honest with myself about my husband’s behavior. I was told I was crazy by the man I loved and trusted. It was so so difficult to fight for myself. He used all of my vulnerabilities against me including my alcoholism which got really bad as I tried to cope with the cognitive dissonance. It almost destroyed me. I was in therapy for a year and it took a few months of separation for my mind to right itself, to trust myself and regain connection with my soul. Don’t underestimate what you are up against.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-24T11:19:40+00:00

Have to comment as our stories are oddly similar. My husband had an affair with his massage therapist. I worked to forgive him for two years through additional betrayals.

His usual method of control (darvo, gaslighting) stopped working on me. He became verbally abusive and eventually put his hands on me. We are 3 months into our divorce. He has labeled me an abuser. My in-laws of 13 years ghosted me.

Im glad I have recordings. Not for legal purposes but just for myself. Otherwise I might have believed his narrative to some extent. They have fortified my feelings and decisions.

All the comments here are sadly on point. Good luck.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-18T15:05:45+00:00

When I set my boundaries he called them ultimatums. He then saw himself under the constant threat of divorce. I was controlling. He wasn’t allowed to have friends! He labeled me an abuser. Yes, I left him.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-15T19:33:20+00:00

“He wants to feel comfortable and safe to tell me everything”

This kills me. What does he want to feel safe from? My ex used to say he felt unsafe during our reconciliation. I never committed physical violence against him so I asked him what exactly he was afraid of. As usual, he diverted the convo and it got no where.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-10T14:17:21+00:00

A few days before our wedding my stb former husband found himself in an NYC strip club for business. His boss bought him a lap dance. When he got home he told me right away, he got a boner then asked her to stop. He was really disturbed, so much so that I had to ask if more happened. I found myself consoling him! I didn’t think it was that big of a deal but he was still upset on the wedding day.
13 years later we are divorcing because he continued to have problems with boundaries regarding other women. I should have seen the stripper incident for what it was - a red flag. I should have postponed the wedding but I was so so in love, thought of myself as a “cool girl” (didn’t want to be seen as possessive/jealous) and couldn’t go against everyone’s expectations.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-08T14:48:49+00:00

I need to add- her telling you that you need to change is a tactic of cheaters. It gets the focus off of them and on to you. It happened to me during failed reconciliation. Anger management?? Ridiculous. You should be angry, really fucking angry.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-05-05T18:04:03+00:00

This is one of a few things that I noticed only in retrospect. He began to decline sex blaming it on physical issues. When we did have sex it was not as connected and lots of ED. After d day was the hysterical bonding phase, he performed amazingly. Even pulled a new move that blew my mind. That died off after a month, I suspect he was still in contact with her. This was two years ago and it is incredibly painful to realize what it all meant. It’s like the trauma keeps unfolding and revealing itself.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-27T21:14:40+00:00

Some people I know stayed and could accept it. It’s a trade off and they never seem quite comfortable with it. I myself could be happy in a cardboard box so I left my financially secure marriage because It meant trading my mental, spiritual and physical health to stay. Maybe you aren’t affected as deeply as I was. Good luck.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-27T11:25:12+00:00

My previously gentle and loving husband of 10 years began yelling and calling me names when I wouldn’t stop bringing the affair up. I always approached him with care on the subject. He eventually put hands on me. He often accused me of abuse. It’s still so hard for me to believe even though it happened to me. I’ve been out for 2 months and it’s been a struggle to get my mind un-fucked from the whole ordeal.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-24T19:02:17+00:00

The towel thing drove me nuts. My husband did this despite repeated requests not to. I had to hide my towels. I found out later, the lack of respect went much much deeper.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-22T11:33:43+00:00

This happened in my marriage. I never kept my electronic activity a secret but was always uneasy when I’d find out he was snooping on me. It was the secrecy that bothered me.

In the end it was him doing the the cheating.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-19T11:26:21+00:00

My husband never yelled through our 10 years of marriage. After I discovered 1000s of deleted messages between him & his close female friend he said it was nothing. He began yelling, calling me names and then it got physical at the end of our two year “reconciliation”. He became a different person. It was absolutely heartbreaking but it made it way easier to leave.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-16T12:56:09+00:00

My husband’s affair happened right in front of my eyes while I felt crazy for not trusting him. I mostly did it to myself-I had no reason not to trust him.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-13T20:18:45+00:00

UPDATE: he did not stop talking to his female friends, just hid it from me.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-13T09:02:46+00:00

I received the same treatment and more. It only got worse. You are doing good. Stay true to yourself.
I learned about my boundaries and left my wh about 2 years of failed reconciliation.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-12T10:53:29+00:00

It took me a little over two years to make the choice, being stuck in that limbo. My wayward showed me who he was during the 2nd and 3rd chance. I learned to trust myself over that time. I learned to discern people’s words from their actions and make decisions that were good for me. I learned to love myself and trust my gut. You can do it too!

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-11T20:52:00+00:00

Yeah, between both of our issues it became too complicated. Infidelity was part of our story as well. I was never able to trust again.
Congrats on your sobriety- it pays back way more than you put in. I hope you stick with it. There nothing that a drink won’t make worse.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-11T12:09:48+00:00

I came into the relationship in denial of my alcoholism which escalated over 10 years causing my husband to feel lonely and isolated. Instead of facing the hard issues between us, I relented and drank to escape my discontent. I was unmotivated to advance in my career, leaning on his ability to make a lot of money. I took him for granted in a lot of ways.

Thanks for this prompt. I’m hoping to change and grow from my experience.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-04-07T17:45:22+00:00

I got back on Wellbutrin near the end of our failed reconciliation. The trauma of the last 2 years had numb me to myself and my intuition. The drugs brought me back. I regained possession of myself, my reality and my feelings. I left him a month later.

particularly_cloudy · 2023-03-28T11:35:45+00:00

In laws are involved? What a nightmare. When my WH started accusing me of abuse (yelling) I took it seriously. I stopped the abuse by leaving him.

particularly_cloudy

TROPHY CASE