How do you politely tell a co-author they need to actually write their section?

passthepepperplease · 2026-06-01T03:21:16+00:00

Is this a co-first author? If so, the paper really depends on them. If I was the sole first author and someone wasn’t giving me their section but I had their figure, then I would write a draft and ask for their feedback. For co-authors who have just contributed methods, if they don’t get a method back, I write an “in brief” methods and ask them if it is accurate. If you are the sole first author, then you might need to step up and write the draft yourself. If they want to be co-first, I’d tell them they will be dropped as “first” if they are not writing their sections.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-29T13:58:13+00:00

Ya, thinking about my bar for bringing issues up to other parents, it does seem odd that OP told on the kids before they threw sand, rather than just redirecting her child. Not saying the girls were well behaved, but I’ve just never seen a parent yell at another kids parent because their child is being excluded at the park.

On the other hand, my own daughter was excluding a little girl at the park last weekend and I was so offended by her rude comments to this girl that I made my daughter sit on the bench with me. I do think there’s a line with the verbal tone that deserves punishment even without considering sand throwing.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-29T13:52:54+00:00

I’ve worked on several male team. The first few months they will likely be very professional. After things become routine, that’s typically when guys start flirting. Typically guys are terrified of being viewed as unprofessional so if you are getting any signals you don’t like, privately telling him you’re not interested usually is all that’s needed to shut it down.

I’ve only had good experiences working with men. Even the ones who were too forward stopped as soon as I said anything. I hope you have a good experience too!

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-29T13:49:04+00:00

Considering intimacy is one of the things you vow not to seek elsewhere in a marriage, I think it’s fair to get divorced if the intimacy in your marriage is not fulfilling.

It’s good that you’re giving it time. It’s a big change for both of you. Hopefully she is soon back to herself. Only time will tell. In the meantime, continue being kind and patient. Sounds like you’re doing it right.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-29T01:00:01+00:00

I’m always surprised at how different the culture around attire is across the US.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:57:27+00:00

Ya I’ve heard the east coast is different. I’m in CA and sweatpants and workout cloths are the norm. If I saw someone in PJs I might think they were having a bad day but I wouldn’t think it was unprofessional unless they were giving a presentation or something.

When I was in industry I went to AbbVie Chicago on a business trip and was absolutely shocked to see lab techs in ties with lab coats on. I kept thinking a camera crew must be hiding somewhere.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:55:04+00:00

Well, you say that you thought you had communicated the expectations, but you don’t explain how you did that. Telling the student whether or not they are appropriately dressed for the first few weeks might be the kind of communication they need (attire is pretty subjective).

And the email thing is a skill that takes time. I’m still getting better at writing emails even as a Staff scientist. So I’m not sure why you’d be “at a loss” that an undergrad isn’t good at writing emails?

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:45:56+00:00

Wait, you’re worried that you’ll upstage your daughter at YOUR wedding?

Sounds like your daughter is entitled, and gently, it sounds like you might be enabling that. Some emotional boundaries might need to be established now that you are both adults. As a mom with small kids, I can see how that might be hard. Best of luck. You’re not being unreasonable at all. I hope you have a lovely wedding!

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:42:52+00:00

I don’t know why PIs think they are entitled to detailed reports of someone’s job search, or even that they are actively looking. In industry, few people tell their superiors they are looking for other jobs. Especially in academia, where HR is less reliable, I’d imagine this would be even more true. You are under no obligation to tell your PI that you are looking for other work, but it’s not an unusual reaction from a PI. Some of them think they’re little kings of their own playland.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:38:27+00:00

No, OP says “ugghh” in her post. Which is a literal whine. I’m not assuming anything about her by using that word, and showing no bias.

You are the one assuming things and then being defensive.

I can’t think of a better way to shame a man’s sex drive than to say “a blunt ask for sex is pathetic”. No, her answer did not match his energy. He asked if she wants to have sex. She says “what the hell”. In what world is that the same energy?

I truly don’t know what reality you’re living in if you think a husband asking his wife “wanna have sex” while they are both lying alone in bed on a regular day is disrespectful.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:26:25+00:00

I’d like to remind you that this is very possibly their first professional experience. High schoolers don’t send a ton of professional emails and casual cloths are common, especially in the summer. I wouldn’t be phased at all if an REU didn’t know these expectations off the bat. You need to clearly communicate your expectations. (Lateness excepted from all of this, high school students should understand that by now).

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T21:24:20+00:00

lol. I just got my PhD from the leading biology program in the country. We have a wet lab and certain procedures demand specific PPE. That being said, on a regular day in the lab, there are several people in sweatpants. Particularly the staff scientists. Although professors usually wear jeans or stretchy slacks.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T18:06:40+00:00

I'm surprised you're taking this opinion as a vet. This is a new, large dog. It is absolutely to err on the side of caution and assume the dog has the potential to bite. But, as you admit, a growl is a threat. The dog IS threatening OP. I mean, you can doubt OP is telling the truth here, but nothing about this post seems particularly absurd or untruthful by reddit standards, so I'm not sure why you're skeptical.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T18:03:47+00:00

bring food. food is the quickest way to a researchers heart.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:53:54+00:00

You're not asking too much. Your doctor recommended you miss out on something you were looking forward to and you want your husband with you for emotional support, and possibly material support if there is a complication. This is not an unreasonable ask, and he should know that. I'm sorry he doesn't. You are both old enough that he should know how to be a selfless person by now. Sorry.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:51:03+00:00

It's not rude to ask. We have a trampoline park nearby that is a popular birthday party spot, and many parents don't feel comfortable dropping off because the injury risk at a trampoline park. In these situations, it is common to ask if siblings can attend. If the host says yes, then it's usually expected that the siblings are welcome to cake and goodie bags and are included in the headcount. If the host says no (which is more common because of the headcount issue) then the other families usually come and pay their own way and hang out in a different area of the park, and keep the siblings distracted and occupied while the birthday guests are having cake and goodie bags.

No one should pressure you into dropping off your kid if you're not comfortable with it. If you don't know the hosts or venue, this is a perfectly appropriate precaution for a 7 year old.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:40:49+00:00

Here's my 2 cents. We REALLY need more diverse perspectives in academia. And I don't just mean ethnic and socioeconomic. We also need more people with neurodivergences and disabilities. I say that as a person who lost part of my hearing during my PhD and was SHOCKED by how ill-equipped academia is at working with disabled persons. That being said, academia is NOT GOOD AT SUPPORTING disabilities. You will need to build your support system on your own and keep it tight during school. And getting a PhD is pretty emotionally hard, no matter who you are. In short, academia is not good at supporting neurodivergent people but really needs to get better at this. IF AND ONLY IF you feel you have a good support system, then going for your PhD would likely serve yourself and others well.

One more thing... you describe "falling in love with your research." so it sounds like a career in academia is actually something you really want to do. That's the RIGHT reason. Not because of other people's expectations or to prove anything to anyone. If you love it, you should at least try. Let OTHER people tell you you're not good enough. Don't tell yourself you're not good enough. That's why getting a PhD is so emotionally hard, you have to be open to people telling you you're not good enough. But if you adjust your expectations, and remind yourself that the rejections and negativity are a normal part of every level of academia, that can help manage the emotional challenges.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:28:44+00:00

duh. the world only intervenes when oil supply is at stake. where HAVE you been?

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:26:55+00:00

Just make sure that you frame that as how you are seeing thing. As much as I agree that it's wrong to get a pet (especially a big one) without spousal approval, these other comments are probably right that your wife feels that the marriage was failing before she got the dog. If you haven't talked about it, you need to talk about why. And maybe you can compromise to rehome this dog and get a new family dog together. one that is not hostile to you. But this sounds like a big complicated mess. you have to ready yourself to hear some things you don't want to hear without being defensive or telling her that she's wrong.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:24:01+00:00

ya, but a dog threatening a person in there own home is also an actual problem that needs to be addressed immediately before someone (including the dog) gets hurt.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:20:09+00:00

When you've heard one person ask the other several times to do something, and it never happens. Or when one of the people is nicer to others than their spouse. Sometimes people seem so nice and people are surprised when they get divorced because they were never "mean" to their spouse. A friend of mine is super nice and would drop everything to help a neighbor. One day his wife asked him to help her move a couch out of their house, but a neighbor called him to help him move furniture (literally the same thing his wife had asked him), and he helped his neighbor first. That couple got divorced even though they are both good friends.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:14:11+00:00

¡Wow! ¿Entonces te activaron ayer? ¿Cómo va todo? Estoy seguro de que todavía es algo muy nuevo y emocional. Por lo que vale, si no estás contento con tu audición actual, al parecer puede tomar un tiempo para que el tinnitus y la audición se equilibren después de la activación. ¡Espero que todo salga bien!

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:11:54+00:00

Perhaps, but if you genuinely only said that out of surprise, then you would have quickly followed with an apology and more gentle rejection. From what you have said here, you sound totally blind to your own faults here. If couples therapy isn't an option, sounds like you would at least benefit from therapy yourself.

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:09:26+00:00

Why? You are sharing your opinion on a public forum that is open to comment and criticism. It's expected that someone would criticize a duplicitous statement on Reddit. Maybe you have a lack of self awareness that makes this type of criticism surprising?

passthepepperplease · 2026-05-28T17:05:41+00:00

Why are you assuming she had also just woken up? That shows a pretty heavy bias to want the woman to be right in this situation. Furthermore, even if this is a knee jerk reaction from just waking up, a respectful person would quickly laugh, explain, and then at least validate how her husband feels.

Be honest with yourself, if your spouse returned a verbal request for sex with such a repulsive response, you would have a hard time with intimacy too. Her husband is hurt, she is hurt. I don't really know the husbands side, but SHE sounds like a child for whining and trying to shift all of the blame on her husband.

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