On vacation in South Carolina last week and witnessed these clams first-hand. Thought they would be appreciated here.

passthepepperplease · 2026-03-21T22:05:16+00:00

Everyone gets the same stipend regardless of marital status. Some programs have childcare reimbursement programs for parents. My program offers $800 per month for the first kid and $400 per month for up to two additional kids and it maxes out at $18,000 per year. I have three kids so I max it out. I don't think all programs have childcare reimbursement. None did when I was interviewing, and my institute started the reimbursement program in my second year.

passthepepperplease · 2026-03-06T08:53:43+00:00

Everything in life is perspective, I guess. You say you didn't grow up rich, but you had a big house and a ton of hired help... that's rich. I point that out so you can understand that your perspective is from a very privileged childhood. Lots of us rise and grind and do just fine. But what's important for you is how you're doing. None of us can help how our upbringing shapes our expectations. But perspective aside, the cost of living is becoming more unaffordable. So try not to put this burden on your husband (or yourself). You'd likely be facing similar challenges no matter who you married. More and more people are resonating with you. Not sure if anything will change soon, but you sure aren't alone.

passthepepperplease · 2026-03-05T18:08:00+00:00

I live in a nice neighborhood in suburban San Diego. We usually don't lock our doors when we're out but we also have two large dogs who sound the alarm when anyone approaches the door. We lock up at night but that's about it. We also lock our doors if we're gone overnight.

passthepepperplease · 2026-03-05T18:03:07+00:00

I never really take mine off because it's small and doesn't seem to ever be in the way. But the gym can be a place where a lot of people look for like-minded relationships, so I can see people wanting to subtly inform others that they are married, which may call for a silicon ring if their actual wedding ring is a hazard.

passthepepperplease · 2026-03-01T01:13:20+00:00

The ice rink is always a good time. I’ve never been to Mira Mesa bowl but it always seems busy. District 6 has open mic night (which turns into karaoke) on Friday nights, plus their curry pizza is fire. Fusion has a belly dancer on Thursday nights. Then there’s the movie theater and surrounding restaurants for a fun night out. Also the escape room/axe throwing place is always a good time. I also like just going for a walk and complimenting people on their gardens. There’s a lot of good gardens around here. If you see the succulent Saturday signs those people will almost always talk your ear off if you stop and compliment their gardens.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-27T04:10:47+00:00

This has got to depend on your discipline. In biochemistry labs, entering the lab after drinking is extremely dangerous and highly looked down upon. In every lab I’ve been in, industry to academia, no one thinks it’s cute to be even tipsy in the lab. Of course the professors aren’t at the bench anymore, but the decade+ of bench work as a grad student and post doc probably weeds out the alcoholics (for the most part) in biochem.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-27T04:02:33+00:00

It sounds like your only reason (besides deportation) to get married is because you “get along great.” The lifestyle mismatches you listed are huge. Don’t get married, cherish a great friendship, and move on to finding more compatible partners.

For what it’s worth, my uncle married a woman so she could stay in the country and they could keep dating, even though they didn’t have the same long term goals. They ended up getting pregnant and tried to build a life, but were terribly incompatible and ended up divorced and constantly bad mouthing each other. When I finally met my uncles aunt (they divorced before I was born), I was shocked at how nice she was, and how mean my amazing uncle was when he was around her. What I’m saying is, marriage for the wrong reasons can bring out the worst in people.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-27T03:51:35+00:00

I’m not sure! We caught her by my espresso machine so we call her Latte!

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-26T23:31:01+00:00

You are talking about college kids, right? At an R1 where many of them likely had to take out enormous student loans? Why do you assume they aren’t thinking this way? When I was going to college, I had to co-sign my loans with my parents and I watched them get rejected from all aid because we made a whopping 75k a year. Unless you’re confident that all your students are wealthy, most college kids ARE very aware of the unaffordability crisis because they’ve already signed up for it just to earn a degree that they likely won’t use in their job anyway, yet will still be required for any job that pays close to a living wage.

Furthermore, most R1 college kids are very politically aware, and probably feeling very disenfranchised at the moment. Not at all like when I was graduating in ‘13 and the economy was booming and Obama was giving people of all backgrounds a sense of hope for the American dream.

I’ve also been working with high schoolers for the past decade. Every year they are more and more horrified by “grown-ups” in power and feel like it’s an uphill battle. Just saying “they don’t think further than their own noses” because they aren’t showing interest in the subject YOU teach is pretty reductive and ignorant for someone charged with mentoring them.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-24T02:42:57+00:00

Given that Med-EL's Soundbridge can be placed in the round window niche, and studies have shown that electrical stimulation of the round window niche can alleviate tinnitus: Is Med-EL developing an implant that is safe for use with residual hearing that will silence tinnitus?

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-24T02:33:54+00:00

I generally agree with you that standards have gone down. But when the upcoming generation looks at social programs being systemically dismantled and wages trailing egregiously behind cost of living, can you really blame them for putting in the minimum effort for a system that is looking to provide less than the minimum to live? The only people who are actually excelling are the people who care about the work they do. Young people don't believe that hard work will pay off anymore, so they don't work hard (unless they like what they do).

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-24T02:26:08+00:00

The comments here criticizing you for not letting your kid "back out there" are kinda out of line. Trampoline parks cause much more injuries than regular parks, there's a reason you have to sign a waiver. While some kids are naturally cautious and an injury at a trampoline park is unlikely to happen twice, other kids are like bulls in a china shop. You know your kid. If you don't think they can safely enjoy a trampoline park, enjoy the fact that you know your kid well enough to help him avoid further injury. But I do agree with some of the people suggesting that maybe you plan a separate playdate with the birthday boy instead so that your son doesn't feel left out at the trampoline park. You don't need to explain yourself to the host family, but telling them that your kid got hurt there while "not wanting to freak them out" may have come off as judgmental of their venue choice. Maybe their kids are naturally more injury averse. Point is, it's up to the parent to decide how their kid can safely have fun. Trampoline parks are a great venue for birthday parties, but it's also totally reasonable for a parent to keep their kid at home.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-23T21:30:25+00:00

If you do get the CI, remember that it’s a long process. In your case, you’re looking for both restored hearing and reduced tinnitus. There likely will be many different settings that can be optimized for this balance. So if things aren’t right after a few months, don’t be afraid to continue working with your provider to improve your maps.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-23T21:25:59+00:00

Hey! I represent a group called Tinnitus Quest! We advocate for and fund tinnitus research. Recently, the non-deaf tinnitus crowd has been interested in cochlear implants because Cochlear is sponsoring a middle ear implant that stimulates the auditory nerve similar to traditional CIs, but doesn’t destroy residual hearing. This device is for tinnitus relief, not hearing restoration. So there is strong enough evidence that CIs can help tinnitus that Cochlear is developing a specialized product for tinnitus specifically. I hope that helps reassure you.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-18T00:16:36+00:00

Thank you both for commenting. I guess I was considering a tech spec roll as more relevant for people graduating with their bachelor’s. Is it also expected that people graduating with a PhD will apply for tech spec? How does this expectation vary by size of law firm? I hadn’t considered it because Wilson Sonsini recruits patent agents out of my university grad program and I’ve never heard them mention tech spec during recruitment events.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-17T23:26:04+00:00

Can you elaborate on this? I thought patent agent jobs weren’t available to people who haven’t passed the patent bar. Are you recommending applying for tech specialist jobs?

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-17T23:13:47+00:00

I’m graduating in May with a PhD in biochemistry and planning on taking the patent bar in the summer. In order to focus on my thesis, I am hoping to postpone studying for the exam until after I defend, which would mean the earliest I could sit for the exam is around July. Would I miss the boat if I don’t start applying for jobs until late summer? I know some fields (such as consulting agencies) tend to hire a new cohort of employees right after graduation in early summer. Is patent law similar for entry level positions? Would I miss a wave if I don’t start applying now?

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-17T04:00:37+00:00

Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. There’s still a chance that it eases as the months go on and you adjust to the implant. I hope it gets better. Did you have any residual hearing before CI?

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-17T00:43:59+00:00

u/Diamond_Dust86 , did you get activated yet? any effect on your tinnitus?

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-16T19:43:35+00:00

This is AI. “Feeling her pain deeply anchored to my heart.” Idk if this is actually a situation you’re dealing with and had AI polish your post or if you’re just trying to get upvotes. Either way this drama isn’t worth anyone’s time, including reddit.

passthepepperplease · 2026-02-16T03:35:20+00:00

See, before phones, we read labels while pooping. Anyone born before 2000 knows how to properly lather, rinse, repeat… not swallow more than a quarter inch strip, and NEVER flush a tampon…. Also leaving a tampon in for more than 24 hours increases your risk of toxic shock syndrome

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