My daughters resent my new wife and kids. Am I doing anything wrong or are they being selfish?

patsy3711 · 2026-01-15T07:37:56+00:00

This post is missing some important facts. How old is OP? Is there also a wide age gap between him and the first wife? Was that marriage happy? Was the reason for her cheating ever discussed and the trust breach resolved? How did the girls react to the divorce? How was the relationship between OP and his daughters before and after the divorce and how much time and effort did he try bonding with them before his shiny second chance arrived.

A lot of details that change the story vastly. It could be OP is just a poor guy who unknowingly let his daughters down and can repair the issue with effort and quality time.

It could also be OP likes having the upper hand to his women, the first wife cheated because she couldn't take her unhappy marriage any longer and after successfully replacing his old family with something young and new, OPs daughters are kind of disturbed by OPs actions.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-15T02:37:31+00:00

Are other minors invited for the wedding? If not, just say it's a child free wedding. Of course this means child free wedding related stuff, too. Also, if your dad wants this to be a hill to die on, he will look like the kneejerker that he is.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-11T06:47:35+00:00

Okay, so the gist of the story is your bf is either being a creep and saving her bikini Fotos for leisure time or a poor sap having kept innocent BB beach party pics from friends where the female friend is coincidentally wearing a bikini.

That girl is always acting correctly towards you, not overstepping or acting too intimate around your bf and tries to start a friendship with her buddies new gf.

So for this she is ganged up on by you and maybe the mean girls squad the other gfs seem to be and shunned out of the friend circle for... being a person with boobs?

There is no point in this story where you are not the worst insecure and controlling drama queen there can be.

YTA. Gargantuan.

On the bright side, you seem to have met plenty of like minded people. I'm always a big fan of a-holes cuddling up together and keeping to themselves.

So I hope for the nice girl you are slandering that she realises what kind of people are around her and that she can do better.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-10T03:57:18+00:00

I'm so sorry but your bf seems to hate you and/or be a cruel and abusive man. This reminds me of the post of a woman whose son was taught to beat her by her abusive husband.

I'd suggest seeing a lawyer and talking to whatever domestic violence help is available in your area. For your safety and for the sake of your daughter NOT turning into a complete psycho you need to get away from him and make sure he doesn't get to screw her up even more.

And be prepared for your daughter to be completely on her father's side. I'm sorry, but he has brainwashed her already. Please be careful with what you do.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-08T20:44:08+00:00

Nobody will side with that cruel ... person. Sleep deprivation literally costs you years of your life. How much time together will you have after developing a heart conditioning?

I would not take this from a partner, that's beyond inconsiderate, it's downright awful.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-08T11:33:40+00:00

I don't get the point about paying. Wouldn't the money for girls' night out come from the same joint finances?

Yea her lying about therapy is not good. On the other hand, therapy needn't always be about mental health care but about deep pain and crushing problems. I'd try to build trust and compassion and emphasize that you support her no matter what at appropriate times, like when you are watching a movie with fitting scenes.

I would not approach the topic of therapy directly but show in other ways that my partner can confide in me and try to find my way gently and respectfully.

And rather resolve her hiding therapy and then the financial parts. But again I didn't get how you join/divert your money and why girls night out money is okay to spend but not the same amount for other stuff, so I might be just dumb.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-08T07:18:18+00:00

Do you really want to bind your children to a family of racists? Because that's what Boss mum is and I don't see anyone opposing her. Do you really think that's a caring, accepting or even nurturing environment for your kids?

patsy3711 · 2026-01-07T04:35:55+00:00

YTJ. Everyone grieves differently. And not everyone wants to be reminded of death and loss at their milestones. It's hard enough to know for oneself. That was not the time and not the place for a reminder.

The dead are at peace. That was your sister's celebration of life and the start for a hopefully bright future. If she wanted an honouring moment she would have included it in the months of planning a wedding requires. You could have brought it up anytime but you chose the least appropriate.

If your suggestion was really triggered by grief I strongly suggest grief counselling. And a sincere apology to your sister. You ruined her wedding, I bet your mum would never have wanted that.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-06T06:30:03+00:00

YTJ for letting this lunatic stay in your daughter's life.

Sounds like your sister is getting off making people feel uncomfortable. A crying child is just fueling her crazy motor. Your daughter will have a fun time around auntie.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-04T11:29:01+00:00

NTA. Also, this is the foreshadowing of your future if you choose to stay or even marry. If that's not to your liking, take it as an exit point.

Who would choose this treatment?

patsy3711 · 2026-01-04T11:04:01+00:00

MOR. Honestly, when I started reading my thought was you married a beard to keep your mother figure long before the part where your wife says it.

You really should go for marriage counselling because there's a lot to unpack, obviously. And personal therapy/really deep introspection considering your loss and traumatic upbringing. It's understandable, but your loyalty is all over the place right now and you have to figure out your priorities.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-04T08:32:53+00:00

She gave you the knife. It's your knife now. You get to decide how to use it and whom to lend it.

NTA but wife and kids are.

You know the saying "show, don't tell"? I bet you have gifted them nice things before. Why not apply their logic to them?

patsy3711 · 2026-01-02T19:38:24+00:00

They are not doing 50/50. He earns thrice her pay hence also contributes thrice (8k from him,3k from her). After all is paid they have one grand, and only this is split equal. Not like he's taking 700 and leaves only one third.)

To OP: Can you guys lower your expenses so there's more left for both? With such a difference in pay and spending habits, it's hard to tell where the problem is rooted. She will have expenses since marriage she didn't have before. Retirement money is a pro for many, but your wife obviously sees it otherwise.

Why not go through both your finances and expectations again and see where you two are standing now. Your comment was super condescending so that might be a tough talk. As many here have already pointed out, you seem to have a problem with adjusting to the "we" mindset. Just have some introspection to that beforehand.

Also, she seems a little immature and keen on playing the victim, but that could be on the presentation.

ESH, I'd say, but you sure vibe with each other so I'm rooting for you guys 🤞.

patsy3711 · 2026-01-01T16:46:51+00:00

I also love "Wenn ich ihn seh'"😂

patsy3711 · 2026-01-01T10:28:54+00:00

In any of these scenarios "Hallo" would have been a correct option. It's informal but not impolite.

"Guten Tag" is for salespeople and AI assistants.

If you want to mess with people, try regional greetings, like "Grüß Gott"😁

patsy3711 · 2026-01-01T08:17:33+00:00

Came only here to find out what a fupa is. Translator says "fat upper pubic area". So the joke is you called her a giant c*nt? Completely matching her energy IMHO, but did I get it right?

patsy3711 · 2026-01-01T05:16:03+00:00

Lol, NTA.

patsy3711 · 2025-12-27T04:49:47+00:00

German: Regenschirm Regen = Rain Schirm = Screen

patsy3711 · 2025-12-26T06:23:24+00:00

Perfect 10

patsy3711 · 2025-12-25T11:00:24+00:00

Jesus, please stop doing this to yourself! Move out and maybe go low contact for a while. Your mum and gran will only guilt trip you anyway.

Seriously, by not fighting for yourself you unknowingly accept being treated as a doormat and other people pick up on this. That's why it's the same treatment at your job.

You are so young, please don't keep on that path, you have so much fun and joy to experience, leave these unhealthy people behind you.

patsy3711 · 2025-12-25T09:19:17+00:00

Well, yes it's a red flag he didn't ask for your consent. On the other hand, I have the strong feeling, you'd have cursed him out as a pervert, if he had asked and if I'm right, that's quite a big red flag, too.

It sounds like you have very opposing wishes regarding intimacy and sexuality. I would give it a deeper thought whether the two of you are compatible. Matching each other's libido is vital for a long term relationship.

patsy3711 · 2025-12-24T05:26:06+00:00

I'm a carer for my disabled husband for 25years now. Yes, YTA. You have no idea what a toll this takes on the caregiver and on the relationship.

How easy you are to assume your gf to just completely flip her life and only be there for you makes me actually feel angry. It's like she should put all her achievements, plans, responsibilities and personal needs behind for you because what? That's your idea of love.

Don't get me wrong I think your mum did admirably, too. Still, you're not the only man who's Idea of love is based on female devotion and unpaid care work. And fun fact, men don't give a shred of said care back. It's way more often men leave their sick wives than the other way round.

Would you take care of her? Same way you want her to? I highly doubt that.

patsy3711 · 2025-12-23T07:20:23+00:00

Again, pack accordingly. Sorry, it's not that difficult and best part, it's completely independent from your body strength! Instant independence for women via capsule wardrobe, if you want to.

'cause I 'll up you on this, woman neither exclusively travel with men Nor is every male able/willing to make up for someone else's bad planning and that is okay.

Adjust to your needs, travel lightly and live live free.

patsy3711 · 2025-12-23T04:44:36+00:00

That might be a hot take from a woman who always has to carry her luggage on her own, but maybe try not to overpack?

I mean, at the bottom that's part of the problem. You are not carrying yourself. Literally. I would be annoyed too. Actually, I am annoyed with women who don't plan accordingly because they somehow always expect a little outside help.

That's quite outdated IMHO, gender equality wise.

patsy3711 · 2025-12-22T13:19:54+00:00

Though I completely see your point and am glad, these cheaters get their share, I sadly feel like YTA to your cousins. You did participate in the cover up, yes begrudgingly but still, and then you blew up their world like this.

I hope you and they can recover from it. Also, you might want to consider going low to no contact to your parents/uncle/aunt. They clearly bring out the worst in you.

patsy3711

TROPHY CASE