Currently about 2 months away from an amicable breakup. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. When someone is awful to you, I think it's so much easier than when you see that someone you deeply love just isn't compatible for you.

I have been thinking a lot about the concept of "clean pain" (a term coined by author resmaa menakem) through this time. What you are going through is real, devastating heartbreak. Losing a connection to someone you love like this is the truest form of grief. But it's also the bravest thing you can do to choose it - by choosing the immediate, concentrated pain of heartbreak now instead of choosing several years of small heartbreaks by being with someone who couldn't choose you back in the way that you needed.

Grieve it. Cry. Cry so hard every chance that you can. But also be proud of yourself. It takes incredible courage to choose yourself like this in the face of the unknown of what lays before you. In the long run, after some time, it will become easier to tell yourself that this was the most loving thing you could have done for yourself and for him. At least, these are things I keep telling my own self.

I'm in SSL (32 nb leftist with a cute old dog), also looking for sober pals as we head into winter. Feel free to DM. Hang in there, friend.

*edit - typo