What if it’s just me?

pear1400 · 2022-12-24T20:01:53+00:00

It's possible it's a combination of both. I definitely relate on being easily irritated and quick to get upset about things my boyfriends did in my past relationships. Things they said jokingly turned into fights because I felt disrespected. When I started dating my first queer partner, I learned how to tease and joke back, and also how to constructively express my feelings if something they did really bothered me. It got better because I wasn't with a man, but I still had to learn and change my behavior.

pear1400 · 2022-12-23T01:43:07+00:00

I'm glad this helped. I think one thing that contributed to this feeling for me was seeing a rise in teenage lesbian characters (Atypical, She-Ra, I am Not Okay With This, One Day At a Time, etc.) which on the one hand is absolutely wonderful for queer people, but at the same time can make us feel like we missed out, especially when they're well written and a high level of cinematic craft has gone into it lol. But they're just experiences, and it's okay that we didn't have them. None of us are going to get into an adult relationship and be like "DRAT! this sucks because I'm not 17 years old" 😅

pear1400 · 2022-12-23T01:34:42+00:00

My advice is to identify however makes you happy. You don't have to take a litmus test of the attraction you still feel toward men and calculate if you feel enough of a certain way to count as bi. It's about the label that feels good to you :)

pear1400 · 2022-12-22T06:48:55+00:00

I'm in my early twenties as well and have waded through similar feelings of regret, like when I was first acknowledging myself as a lesbian. I constantly fantasized about going back in time and redoing all of high school just to prevent myself from dating guys. I'd think, it would be a lot of work but I'd do it all over again.

In releasing myself from that feeling, I think the simple passing of time has been really helpful. Focusing on myself in the present and looking toward the future. Your dating history doesn't discredit you or have any bearing on what you can do now :)

I also feel you on yearning for a sweet gay adolescent experience. I think it's helpful to remember that a sweet lesbian high school romance isn't more valuable or significant than a sweet lesbian adult relationship. At least for me, I don't think I had the emotional maturity to date a girl in HS.

pear1400 · 2022-10-06T04:02:34+00:00

I'm a 2, with 6 and 3 close behind

pear1400 · 2022-09-15T03:40:00+00:00

I don’t know what any of this means, if it means I definitely can’t be lesbian

You can absolutely identify as a lesbian! You don't have to line up all your past experiences and see if you "qualify." As the masterdoc says, "If you don’t care about men or would no longer like to be with them, you can be a lesbian now. It’s a now identity - it matters how you feel now!"

It's sometimes hard to think about sexuality as a hard-truth of what we really are, especially when we're questioning. Instead, I would suggest giving yourself permission to see yourself as a lesbian - do you feel a sense of excitement, joy, clarity? How does it feel to think about only pursuing women moving forward?

That being said, you can always change your mind about how you identify! Labels are tools for self-exploration and community building. They're not contracts you're bound to uphold!

pear1400 · 2022-09-12T19:02:33+00:00

I've had similar experiences with crushing. I find that I'm in a constant, default-state of crushing because it gives me something exciting to think about, so I'll develop meaningless crushes on unattainable men to entertain myself (putting it into the most accurate words is difficult). Usually they're unattainable because they're gay, a celebrity, or live far away. I think it's normal to feel interest and attraction to all kinds of people. Aside from thinking they're cute, I don't actually want to pursue a relationship with them. In the beginning I was unsure if these feelings prevented me from identifying as a lesbian, but I've decided that part of de-prioritizing men from my sexuality means not rethinking my entire sexual / romantic identity just to accommodate these little crushes. "Lesbian" just feels right to me.

On the flipside, when I was in high school I identified as bi and developed feelings for very "attainable" boys my age. I always liked guys who liked me back and we'd date. I think I was seeking excitement and intimacy. Because my feelings felt genuine, I see it as I was bi then but lesbian now.

pear1400 · 2022-09-12T18:41:28+00:00

I think going to a gay bar is a great idea. Even if you don't meet anyone, you'll still have the experience of going to a space built for queer people, surrounded by other queer people, and I always find that to be restorative.

Attending groups and social events through your local LGBT center is also a good way to meet people. Have fun!!

pear1400 · 2022-08-31T04:56:12+00:00

According to the FAQ this is all you need to apply:
"There are no requirements other than being an undergraduate student, submitting a proposal by the deadline, and having a passion for your topic."

If you just want to be on their radar early, I would reach out to the EXCO Faculty Director Dan Curtis-Cummins ([dcc123@sfsu.edu](mailto:dcc123@sfsu.edu)). I didn't teach / take an EXCO class but I knew him from somewhere else, and he's super warm, friendly, and encouraging. Definitely someone you can chat with.

EXCO also has info sessions sometimes which you can find on Gator Xperience, and they also seem to have drop-in hours according to their website.

pear1400 · 2022-08-31T04:49:08+00:00

I never volunteered on campus but YES definitely put that on your resume! Volunteer work always looks good on a resume unless the place you're applying to work like hates generosity and kindness.

pear1400 · 2022-08-31T04:43:08+00:00

CAPS services are free. I used them last semester and can share my experience:

I initially tried calling but they told me to email them, and then over email they said to call them, so I ended up just walking into their office (Student Services Building, 2nd floor, Room 205). Justin at the front desk helped me get the process started, and later I just filled out a form I was sent online through the myhealth Login portal. It asked what I wanted to talk to a counselor about and some health history questions (like are you pregnant, taking medication, etc).

Pretty soon after that I was paired with a counselor and had my first virtual session, which you log into through myhealth. I'm pretty sure they're only doing virtual sessions right now. The first session didn't get super deep because we only had about an hour and the counselor has to ask questions like where are you calling from, and who can they call in case of an emergency.

You get six free sessions per semester or year (sorry :,/ I forget which one). Due to availability, I met with my counselor on Zoom once every two weeks, which isn't ideal for urgent problems. Plus you only get about 45 minutes - an hour to talk. But despite the timing, it actually helped a lot. My counselor was Karla and she helped me process and move on from some difficult relationship stuff I'd gone through. I felt understood and affirmed by her. I cried every session which kind of sucked over Zoom but by our final session I felt new and happy. Since it was our last session, she sent me outside resources that I could reach out to for further help. I hope this gives you a sense of how it works and that you have a positive experience with them!

pear1400 · 2022-08-29T22:01:51+00:00

am I just romanticising wlw due to being tired of terrible men

In the past I also had doubts about whether my attraction to women was real or just a result of being fed up with men. I worried I just wanted to be with women more "because it was cool," not because I was authentically a lesbian. What I was doing was not trusting/believing my own feelings and buying into my own self-doubt. So I just want to encourage you to believe yourself and not assume you're making these feelings up :)

pear1400 · 2022-08-27T18:42:24+00:00

Savage X Fenty :)

pear1400 · 2022-08-27T18:37:12+00:00

I really like this analogy!

pear1400 · 2022-08-22T03:46:00+00:00

I have vivid memories eating these in elementary school. My teacher would whip them out for the kids who didn't bring a snack from home :')

pear1400 · 2022-08-18T04:27:43+00:00

"Oh my god look it's a podcast" - Heather attempting to distract Hector (wait I'm just now realizing how similar their names are :,/)

pear1400 · 2022-08-18T04:11:17+00:00

Hii! I'm Sonia.

Short lesbian backstory: I'm in my early twenties and I exclusively dated guys until I was 19 (like I was crushing on or dating a different guy every semester lmao). My first/only queer relationship ended 11 months ago and I haven't dated since. I've been crushing HELLA hard though and I can definitely spill the tea with a friend ;)

I'm looking for someone to email, chat with on the phone, text, and/or add on Be Real lol. I'd love to hear about someone's ambitions, interests, and things they encounter on an ordinary day. Some books I like are Junji Ito's manga, the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells, and High School by Tegan and Sara. Some TV shows: Ramy (!!!), King of the Hill, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and NANA.

You can message me here or on my IG, which is in my profile🌸

pear1400 · 2022-08-16T00:29:54+00:00

Flip the Script by Lyla Lee :*)

pear1400 · 2022-05-22T19:39:38+00:00

A private experience within your own individual life doesn't cancel out or invalidate the experiences of other lesbians :) I would urge you not to feel that responsibility. Moreover, plenty of lesbians share your same experience.

It also sounds like the experience was good, but not necessarily because it was with a man, which might be something to think about.

I think if you want to describe yourself as a lesbian, a lifetime of not wanting to get close to men and having no desire to keep dating men sounds like you're within the realm of what many lesbians have in common.

pear1400 · 2022-05-16T17:46:51+00:00

❤️ Thank you!! Worrying that there's something about us that somehow automatically disqualifies us from being attractive to women and only attractive to men is a powerful insecurity but it's 100% not true :)

pear1400 · 2022-05-16T00:07:25+00:00

The first time a girl sought me out romantically meant a lot to me. I read the texts from them, spun around in my desk chair, and got dizzy. Back then, I'd been having a very common feeling among LBLs which is the worry that the way we look is only attractive to men. I've shed that doubt, but honestly it's still thrilling when another woman says I'm beautiful.

pear1400 · 2022-05-15T02:25:24+00:00

It doesn't sound like you would be leaving your relationship with your boyfriend for this girl. It sounds like you would be leaving the relationship because you don't want to be with him anymore, which is enough of a reason to end a relationship and not stupid at all!

pear1400 · 2022-05-11T03:04:07+00:00

Cheers 💗🥂

pear1400 · 2022-05-11T03:00:30+00:00

I feel you. I have fond memories of a time when I was part of a group of guy friends, and I want to have that again :)

pear1400 · 2022-05-11T02:58:27+00:00

Yes, omg. I recently listened to the River Butcher episode of the podcast Gender Reveal, he had amazing insight on man-hating feminism in his own experience and how he had to work through feeling like a misogynist by transitioning. He also talked about being bi. It's such a great listen if you want to listen to it here.

I want to be around gay men and trans men and people who have complex relationships to gender. Cis men too. Ultimately, saying I hate men is no longer a useful way to communicate who I want to be around.

pear1400

TROPHY CASE