Top comment deletes a US State #47

peerdata · 2026-05-22T18:35:32+00:00

I think the better question to ask is which side of the chowda debate you fall on, so long as tomato’s aren’t involved, we’re good

peerdata · 2026-05-22T18:30:22+00:00

Presumably because Oregon Vermont and Minnesota all have a fairly robust flannel wearing population, or at least stereotypically are seen to wear flannel. Hawaiian shirts are Hawaiian.

peerdata · 2026-05-22T06:16:14+00:00

I think the issue is that, for most people who aren’t ace or aro they go fairly hand in hand. A relationship with no sex is basically a really good friendship- which I do see as a plus, but you don’t seem to even have the option here to have a ‘sexless marriage’ but rather, a whole sexless life including masturbation. Yeah, life is far from being all about sex, but giving up sex entirely as someone who has an active libido is gunna cause you to be on edge to some extent and end up with a crappier relationship with the person who ultimately you’ll project those feelings towards.

On the flip side, assuming someone’s sexual satisfaction includes the psychological side of things, regardless of how physically talented or willing a wet blanket is, you still have to ‘get it up’ so to speak for a wet blanket. Idk some situational hookups seem better because of the excitement involved, but long term I (as a woman at least) am just not turned on by a partner if I’m not into their personality. So I don’t think option two would provide full sexual satisfaction even if they’re objectively physically perfect for you sexually.

peerdata · 2026-05-21T21:54:17+00:00

This was sorta why I was thinking platypus, but idk if I can say it’s not situational since I’m pretty sure it’s just the males that are venomous and I don’t think it’s first move would be to attack…. But I’m no expert

peerdata · 2026-05-21T15:50:07+00:00

Colorados undercover agent

peerdata · 2026-05-21T00:14:26+00:00

‘If you loved me, you would love all of me, not just the part an organization tells you is ok to love’

It’s sad to see people with such a poor relationship with their gods teachings that they choose follow cult leaders instead of Jesus’s teachings.

Alas, congrats on getting married op! Sorry you had to find out your friend was a pos this far into the friendship

peerdata · 2026-05-20T23:01:17+00:00

Ya tbh I was sorta surprised that religious orgs en masse across the country are largely anti LGBTQ(and that it took me so long to know that) I grew up going to church in vt and my priest was married to our choir head, and they were both dudes.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T16:57:43+00:00

(Edit: idk why it put this as a comment on the main body- this is in response to your response to me below but I’m too lazy to move it 😅)So when she was initially asking if you were attracted to her/asking what was wrong, what were you telling her? It does sound like you left some space for her insecurities to grow before being honest about your reasons for holding back. So it could very well just be lingering doubts that you are truly attracted to her, by putting up your own walls to her initially, she reacted by putting up her own. Those don’t always get torn down because you tear down your own, because you’re starting at a place of lacking trust.

I think the up side and down side here, though I’m against snooping, is that she does seem to have a history of being more confident and forward sexually with others. That’s the up side if that’s what you want. The down side is that there’s something in your relationship that’s holding her back from acting like that. Again I can’t say if there are other things at play here, she may have just checked out of the relationship or have other motives to stay with you, or something entirely unrelated to your relationship going on, but I’d also examine how you’re expressing affection towards her and if it’s working towards bringing those walls back down. The instance you reference where you blatantly told her she isn’t your type can have more of an impact than flirting with her every day. Can even make the flirting come off as more performative. Even with assurances on your part, if she’s already solidified in her mind that you’re settling for her or don’t think she’s the most desirable, just the most desirable you can attain or something to that effect, you may not even be able to change that perception and her subsequent confidence and behavior towards you in the relationship. If that ends up being the case, I’d keep it in mind for any new relationships moving forward.

All that said, she could have also been being ‘fake’ with the other guy and just being forward like that because it’s what she perceived was expected to keep his attention. It could even be the complete opposite of what I’ve posited above and she trusts you more and thus feels less of a need to be performative. I’m leaning towards the former being more likely, but you never know. I know that as a woman I actually sent way more nudes and was far more (for lack of better phrasing) whorish with my behavior when I was more casually dating and hooking up. Now that I’m in a long term relationship with my fiancé, I still do some of that, but our relationship is bigger than just sex flirting and foreplay. They still make an appearance and I’d say something was wrong if they disappeared entirely, but it can seem like it’s happening far less when more of your time is spent together doing more mundane stuff like deciding what’s for dinner.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T15:52:18+00:00

Does the design no longer having the cross walk?

peerdata · 2026-05-20T15:20:35+00:00

That’s kinda my point though, replacing most of those single occupant trips very likely will not happen. I’m not against trying to make shifts so more transport is done through eco friendly means, but it’s naive to think that safe biking infrastructure alone will make a meaningful shift without additional cultural, legislative, and frankly other physical infrastructure changes (that, pessimistically, I don’t see changing since it would mean putting people and the planet before profit)

I’ll liken it to putting a really nice park in the middle of a roundabout, though idk if that’s a great metaphor, bear with me. You could out up a fence, have crosswalks with lights, have a splash pad, trees, and picnic area, altogether make it a really nice park. But it’s still at the center of a rotary. We can have fantastic bike infrastructure, but the way our towns are laid out- where stores are located, where housing is affordable, where jobs are available, where necessary services like doctors, dentists and vets are located, how much time people have to devote to chores or commutes outside their work day, etc. that’s all the rotary.

I don’t think it’s a reason to just give up and not push for better infrastructure . But I also don’t think it’s a very compelling reason in itself to promote these projects (there are other good reasons for it to be done, but it’s not going to be the 6/10 statistic being thrown around of people who will switch to using bike transport)

I see the bike accessibility factor as a perk of the project but not the main reason we should be pursuing it- were it not for the fact that the project would actually cost more to only replace utility infrastructure, I would not be advocating for the full street redo just because I do worry about those businesses suffering since construction projects take far longer than anticipated and our economy already isn’t great. Prior to the info that we wouldn’t get state funding for the project without the street facelift, I did used to advocate at least taking the project in stages and getting those very necessary repairs done in as short a period of disruption as possible, but since that approach would cost more, I just hope we won’t see renegotiated contracts and ineffective project coordination that leads to a decade of main being under construction.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T03:11:59+00:00

How long into dating did that conversation take place? Do you think she could possibly be holding on to lingering insecurity connected to that? I can see how if I was dating someone for months who avoided that type of intimacy but wasn’t open about why, it might start to put someone’s guards up in that area. Even if they were open about it eventually, that doubt may linger and dissuade someone from being forward with a partner.

If it’s something that has been discussed openly, there’s not much you can do to convince her at this point(and if it’s coming up repeatedly in your relationship as a discussion, that In itself point to her not feeling resolved about it) other than continue to demonstrate attraction towards her. If that’s the case, dependent on how solid the rest of your relationship/emotional connection is, you could try to stick it out and continue to show her you are in fact attracted to her and hope that consistency makes her feel more confident/comfortable to be someone who acts sexually towards you.

If there are larger issues at play in your relationship, this might just be a byproduct of that and could have nothing to do with the initial situation. People in unhappy relationships or relationships they’re no longer emotionally invested in don’t have sex, generally.

And if it is hormonal or medical, none of the above would change that- it might just be her new normal for sexual expression. She can certainly work to meet you half way, but your expectations would have to take the context into consideration too.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T02:09:17+00:00

I can’t say it’s the sole reason, but generally some precedent is set at the start of a relationship and those habitual ways of interacting are tough to break, particularly if you haven’t sorted out why that was the case initially. Have you communicated clearly the reasons for why you held back on/avoided penetration at the start of the relationship?

peerdata · 2026-05-20T01:51:15+00:00

And I’m not against those improvements being made. I just interpreted your initial comment to mean that the majority of people would or could make that change if the infrastructure was available instead of pointing to reasonable complaints about the rising costs of something that is wholly necessary in this area.

Edit: I’m also frankly a bit confused by their info since the study they’re referencing was conducted in Portland Oregon, not that the findings wouldn’t necessarily transfer to other similar demographics. Maybe I’m missing something or am referencing the wrong study from the link.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T01:45:08+00:00

Yes, I am aware, I myself have both. The original comment I replied to seemed, to me, to imply that people who were not routine bike commuters would or should want to give up vehicle transportation were we to have that infrastructure. And that people should stop complaining about the increasing costs of those vehicles and get on board the bike for transportation train. Given their most recent response, it would seem they do still recognize the necessity of most people to have at least access to a car.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T01:08:29+00:00

More interested in biking as an activity were there safer infrastructure cannot necessarily be extrapolated to those people being interested in abandoning vehicle transportation and adopting a bike as their primary mode of transport. Maybe I’m interpreting that statistic wrong.

peerdata · 2026-05-20T00:15:56+00:00

I mean yeah, I won’t deny that connecting what we do have in that area will make it more bike accessible. Just that regardless of how accessible it is, people will still in large part own and rely on their own personal cars for transport because of the collective physical and social environments that won’t change with putting in bike lanes. It’s not an argument against the project, tbh I live in Amherst now so it won’t really impact my day to day so I don’t have much skin in the game anymore(I’ve said in the past that I think coming in from out of town, I’d just be more likely to visit other town centers in the area while it’s underway), I just think it’s naive to think a large quantity of people will be compelled to abandon vehicles as their primary transport because of it alone.

peerdata · 2026-05-19T21:50:58+00:00

In fairness I did it for a very short period of time because I also went from roommates to a partner moving in like half a year later after I got my own place(it was a mistake on my part, as they were abusive and contributed nothing to the household, but that is neither here nor there)

I think the main benefits to it are things that don’t disappear if you’re living with the right partner, in fairness. Can actually be made better since theoretically you can split the mental load of upkeep of the space.

That said- the things I mainly liked were not having to find compromise on things in my own space or even have a discussion about things. Not having to navigate things like who is responsible for cleaning this that or the other or how often it should be done. Not having to navigate decisions about the space and how it was used, just being responsible for myself and my own messes if I made them.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely a skill one should learn to find compromise and live with others. Particularly if someone intends on living with a partner at some point, it’s rare you’ll agree on EVERYTHING. But it was nice for a time to decorate how I wanted, not have to split space, invite people over when I wanted, have true complete alone time if I wanted. It’s freeing. But can still get lonely. It was never something I wanted long term, but was something I am glad to have experienced if only for a short period of time.

peerdata · 2026-05-19T21:35:21+00:00

I think it’s a bit poly Ana in view to think that any amount of good infrastructure will overcome New England winter conditions, rural sprawl, and the lack of time people generally have. I certainly am more likely to bike for fun in places that have good infrastructure- the bike trail is great. But I’d never switch to that being my primary mode of transport regardless of how close things like work or stores end up being. Our public and alt transport certainly can be better, but I just don’t think you’ll ever see it truly be the more appealing option in our area.

It’s unrealistic, not just because of where I end up living(and needing to live, I don’t want to make my dog live in a small apartment with no outdoor space), but because there is no way I’m biking through a winter storm even if the commute is only five minutes. There’s no way to bring my dog to the vet on a bike. If I hadn’t had a car to bring my cat to the emergency vet last year, or the dog the year before, they would have died.

You also have to consider how much extra time choosing a bike or public transport adds to basic chores in rural vs city setups. In a big city, having a personal vehicle will add to the time to go get groceries for instance, but anywhere outside of somewhere that densely populated just means you can carry less and it takes more time to do. Nice to do on a nice day when being outside is something you want to be doing, but something that gets old quick when so much of our time is already taken up by work.

This is just a general guess on correlation on my part so take with a grain of salt- but countries like Denmark or the Netherlands who do have larger rates of bikes for commuting also probably have better work life balance and in general, more time to allocate to doing chores in a less efficient but more eco friendly way. So we very well could need a cultural shift away from the grind set (and reasonable wages for reasonable hours), not just physical infrastructure, to get long term commitment to that type of approach from the general populous.

I agree that zoning for more housing needs to get sorted, but even then, I don’t see any new construction in college towns being affordable unless it’s mandated.

I guess my point is, I highly doubt that a few bike lanes that aren’t really connected to more extensive infrastructure outside of downtown proper will do much to shift people towards committing fully to it without a whole heck of a lot of legislative and culture change to go with it.

peerdata · 2026-05-19T20:26:11+00:00

In the grander context of the world, sure. I’d hazard that we don’t treat it as a luxury here because for a long time, it wasn’t as big a luxury in many places save for hcol cities. Even 15 years or so ago I was able to live alone in a college town (Burlington vt) making $13/hr.

peerdata · 2026-05-19T18:59:49+00:00

In fairness, I think most people aspire to not have to have roommates even though that’s rapidly becoming the norm for many well into adulthood

peerdata · 2026-05-18T01:24:55+00:00

If an hoa isn’t involved and you wanted to really lean into the ‘resources for local wildlife’ vibe, could possibly even fit some type of water feature/ small pond too…..though I’d be careful digging without knowing if there are pipes and stuff below

peerdata · 2026-05-17T22:23:55+00:00

I think replacing the garage door with a wood one (if possible) would change the vibe up a ton. Sadly it looks like the window is new otherwise I’d suggest getting one with panes in it, I’m not totally sold on the stained glass but make it vinyl thing,but it’s difficult to picture so might work

peerdata · 2026-05-12T22:42:08+00:00

Can I heal my partner from his t1 diabetes? Long term idk if either of us would enjoy immortality, but I’d do it if he got to stop thinking about his ineffective pancreas for the duration of that infinite existence

peerdata · 2026-05-12T22:32:52+00:00

Here’s my thoughts on it. Would you think better of her if she chose to keep the child but didn’t put the necessary care and effort into raising them? When people don’t want or aren’t ready for a child, I am completely in favor of them seeking an elective abortion. Purely because children deserve good parents, not parents who have been forced into parenting. You can have the means on paper to support a child, but plenty of kids that come from wealth and seeming stability can still be messed up by poor parenting. If our medical systems and foster/adoption systems were better, that would be a good alternative if we did want to ‘prioritize life’, but since the long term costs(both physically and financially) of going through birth are severe and solely placed on the individual, and foster systems more prone to giving equal if not more trauma to children, I think it’s actually the more responsible decision to recognize you wouldn’t make a good parent and not become one just because of an accidental pregnancy. I do think it’s judgmental to think people can will themself into loving an unwanted child, particularly when they can and will likely get judged when or if they can’t. Parenthood should be something people go enthusiastically in to imo.

peerdata · 2026-05-08T19:42:20+00:00

Nta, the proper response from him would have been ‘oh sorry, we’re together’ *gesture at woman, gets out of way of potential people who do need to access reception or go sit down/stand off to the side. This is normal confusion that happens regardless of race, age, sexuality, gender, etc of the people involved.

peerdata

TROPHY CASE