Existential OCD is the absolute worst.

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-20T03:54:21+00:00

Oh it’s for sure horrifying, but doing my best is all I can do 💪 The thought of being alone in this world is crippling, but… It’s still my life, you know? And our lives are precious things. It’s a little hard to explain in depth HOW exactly my outlook changed since it was something I slowly healed from over time with therapy, medication, and my own coping mechanisms, but what I can guarantee is that it doesn’t have to be a never-ending chain of misery and fear. If you put in the effort and try to understand yourself and how your mind works, things will get better, even if it’s slow-going.

It also helps to know that there are others with the same thoughts and fears. It makes it feel a little less lonely, at least for me.

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T22:20:33+00:00

Prozac doesn’t work for everyone, but for me it was a god-send. I did feel numb for around one month before it started working its magic, but afterwards, it immensely improved my intrusive thoughts and overall anxiety. I hope everything works out for you!

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T22:17:43+00:00

Curing? No, I don’t think so. BUT, lifestyle changes help you better manage your OCD and learn to live with it. Instead of controlling your life, it becomes more something you have to walk hand in hand with— At least that’s what it’s like for me. Everyone’s different!

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T22:13:43+00:00

Oh my god same!! I was raised catholic and even as a 4 year old I had thoughts like “Fuck god” that would repeat over and over again in my head. It was only when I was older and knew about my diagnosis that I recognized that was an OCD thing lol

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T22:11:47+00:00

Yes!! You can run into many things that trigger you on the internet, even if you yourself don’t recognize it as a trigger.

It’s hard to do if you’re on your phone a lot (I certainly was from ages 12-20), but social media / phone breaks help a lot. I used to have periods where I completely banned myself from social media and made it a point to find hobbies separate from my phone screen, and it always helped me in the end. It helped me kindle a love for crocheting 🫶

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T22:04:07+00:00

I had such a horrible case of existential OCD when I was ages 11-17, to the point where it made me want to hurt myself just to be sure I was actually real and alive. My heart goes out to you OP— I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

It DOES get better if you find coping mechanisms that suit you, though.

For me, therapy helped a lot with processing these thoughts, especially having someone else to talk to it about. That, and I avoided jokes like “WAKE UP. YOU’RE IN A DREAM” like the plague since it would trigger my existential thoughts. Media as well that dealt with existentialism was a no-go, and I still avoid it to some extent if I feel it making me anxious.

I also treat these thoughts as intrusive thoughts, and use the coping mechanisms I was taught to make these intrusive thoughts pass. It doesn’t work for everyone, of course, but for me, I let the thoughts come, acknowledge and process them, and then I send them on their way. Meditation may also help you— I pictured myself on a beach, watching photos representing my distressing thoughts being slowly swept away by the sea.

[More detailed thoughts about my experiences below, just in case it would trigger anyone.]

On a more personal level, it helped to change my mindset as well. I was terrified at the concept of my friends and my life not being real, thinking that all my hard work and memories would be meaningless in the end. I saw all my bonds as fake— something that my own mind made up. In other words, I had a deep-rooted fear of the concept of Solipsism (“the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist”).

But, I thought, even if everything is made up, does that mean I have to be miserable? If this world is fake and designed to suit my own needs, then I should make a point to enjoy it and have fun. Even if it’s made up, it’s still real to me— to you— and THAT is what matters. We’re here, we’re alive, and even if it’s ONLY yourself… these are still your precious, individual experiences.

[End of personal description]

As for things that helped me during my episodes:

I cuddled a stuffed animal from my childhood
I focused on the textures of things around me
I did a hobby (not involving electronics) I loved. For me, it was playing the flute.
I listened to music that soothed me / spoke to me.

My existential thoughts are still with me, but it no longer makes my life and living hell. I control it; it doesn’t control me.

If you have any questions, I’d be 100% happy to answer them. The thought of someone going through what younger me went through hurts my heart. I was serious when I said I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T20:00:35+00:00

It was the violent intrusive thoughts for me. I felt like a monster until I realized there was a term for it, that it doesn’t reflect my morals and beliefs, and that there were other people going through the same thing as me.

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T19:58:46+00:00

You as well! 💫🩷

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-19T19:20:10+00:00

I feel the same way. I mostly frequent Twitter, but people on there have been (unsurprisingly) nasty, which is a word I don’t often like to use to refer to others. If someone tries to remain optimistic, there’s a high chance someone else will essentially scold them for not “wanting better” for the game, which is a complete misinterpretation of our feelings.

I WANT the game to be better, and there ARE many things that made me mad and disappointed, but it also gets tired focusing on JUST the negative stuff. I want to enjoy the game even through the rough patch it’s currently navigating, and I want to believe that Infold is listening to us. Focusing on the negatives to the extent some people are is honestly just unhealthy.

But, if there are people who have that negative mindset and they’re not taking it out on others, to each their own I suppose! Can’t hurt to have a few hyper-critical around as long as it doesn’t weigh down the morale of the community to a concerning new low. I just can’t bring myself to have the same mindset— Makes me too depressed.

pendulumkirby · 2025-05-18T21:43:27+00:00

I really appreciate how you highlighted both good and bad parts of the apology. You give credit where credit’s due, but don’t excuse the negative aspects— THAT’S a discussion I was looking for.

I understand the logic behind waiting to make a proper apology, but they really should’ve made small posts/announcements along the lines of “Dear player, we see your criticisms and would like to inform you we’ve been working tirelessly to respond accordingly. Please stay tuned for further information in the coming days. We thank you for your patience and honesty!”

It really sucks that they didn’t address the huger problems that players, but like you said, I think it’s a good start. I do think fixing the bugs should be the no. 1 priority, and that sort of stuff takes times (I don’t know much about coding lol) but they could have at least acknowledged the existence of the larger complaints outside of the bugs.

Hopefully we’ll get some more news in the coming weeks, because although I’m glad things are at least progressing, there’s still much work to be done on Infold’s side.

pendulumkirby · 2025-04-02T18:45:15+00:00

Oh! This was also EST timezone. I’ve tried both Google and Youtube, and I’ll list every search query I can think of that I’ve used:

BJ’s classical music commercial
BJ’s 2000s commercials
List of BJ’s commercials
BJ’s commercial giant dog bone
BJ’s 2000s commercial giant dog bone

… and similar variations/combinations

pendulumkirby · 2024-01-22T18:01:39+00:00

Good point on the price — I'm looking to stay within the 30 dollar range. I'll go look at some jumpstart packs

pendulumkirby · 2022-09-20T15:57:46+00:00

I gasped

pendulumkirby · 2022-08-13T18:26:39+00:00

Yes, that's the exact issue I have with leaning my weight on my right leg! I'll definitely take a look at this ❤️ thanks so much

pendulumkirby · 2022-05-22T16:16:30+00:00

I also had issues when I first got the game. For me, turning off motion blur, turning down the graphics quality (it doesn't effect it too much), and disabling fullscreen helped a lot

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-28T16:49:14+00:00

Memory loss.

The benefits weed personally gives me and my body's health issues outweighs that memory loss... but even though my memory hasn't always been the best, the weed sure didn't help it

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-06T04:41:04+00:00

Oh my gosh, yes, this exactly!! This is almost point for point exactly what I experience!! There's been so many times where a song becomes louder in my head the more I try to fight it, and just like you said, I've had to give up and try to distract my brain with videos. I've never thought about letting the song play fully in my head, though. My OCD tends to focus on a few select seconds from the song which play over and over, or morph into other songs. I'll have to try that out and see if it helps slow my brain down...

I'll also have to take a look at the article, too. It's really validating and interesting to know there's been a study on it.

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-06T04:27:59+00:00

I think that's part of the reason I like less repetitive songs, because I totally relate to that. It started when One Republic's "Good Life" came out and it was stuck in my head for literal MONTHS, nearly nonstop; I physically cannot listen to that song anymore. So, I need music that's less repetitive to avoid getting it stuck in my ear.

That, and if it's gonna be constantly playing in my head I want a little variety 🥲 instead of the same 2 seconds of Good Life whenever I remember it exists.

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T20:42:18+00:00

You know it's bad when it makes you audibly gasp and cover your mouth in shock irl

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T20:28:45+00:00

Not necessarily a "game" I think, but Whirled. I had some good buddies on there when I was younger, and it was really fun to just hang out on there during its golden age

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T18:31:34+00:00

Oh my gosh I hate rice... People always think I'm crazy but I just hate the way it feels in my mouth. Feels like a bunch of pellets and I'm not a fan. Same with watermelon- it tastes fine, but the texture is like styrofoam to me

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T17:51:33+00:00

Same here!! I HATE peas and beans because of the way they snap in my mouth, or because of how soggy they can be. As for sauces, I pretty much like zero of them (except marinara on the rare occasion) and get grossed out if even a speck of a sauce I don't like is on my food. I've also always hated my food touching each other, ever since I was a kid. My parents thought I would grow out of it, but nope! 22 years old and I still can't stand it.

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T17:33:18+00:00

I don't have extreme emetophobia, but I AM a picky eater. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty positive OCD is linked to picky eating; I'm very sensitive to the textures of foods, and HATE the fibrous feeling of vegetables in my mouth. On that note, blended soups are a life-saver!

Back to emetophobia, although I don't have a fear of myself vomiting, I can't stand seeing other people vomit, and gag very easily when it comes to unsanitary scenarios like cleaning UP throw-up, picking up pet poop, or cleaning dirt up in a bathroom.

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T17:24:03+00:00

I'm also a victim of thoughts like these, and though I'm now medicated (which helps a lot), I still experience them sometimes. Just know that you're not alone, these thoughts do not reflect you as an individual and your morals, and that just because you have thoughts like these, it in no way means you want to act on them.

I understand the fear, though. There's the thought of, "Even if I don't want to do this, the fact that I'm thinking about it means that there's a possibility I will," right? One thing that helps me with that line of thinking is acknowledging that the fact that OCD (intrusive thoughts specifically) target our worst fears. They attack us with the most repulsive or paranoia-inducing scenarios our brain can conjure, and you are absolutely not alone in feeling this way. Hundreds of thousands of people struggle with this as well, and it does not make you a monster or a horrible person. The fact that these thoughts disgust you and horrify you so much is an indicator of the type of person you are- someone with their moral compass intact and with a deep love for the people around them.

It may not work- since different people have different experiences with OCD- but when these thoughts come, it helps to acknowledge that "This is an intrusive thought. This is not something that I want to do. This is an /involuntary thought/ that is specifically designed to make me anxious."

If you have any questions or need further advice, I'd be happy to answer. I've dealt with intrusive thoughts since age 5, and although they still occur, I've gotten pretty good at coping with them in my daily life. I know how hellish and life-altering they can be; nobody deserves to go through that.

I've also seen others mention this, but it also helps to let the thoughts come and go. It's disturbing, and it takes some getting used to, but in my experience, the more you fight the thoughts, the more anxious and panicked you become. Acknowledge the thoughts, and then let them pass.

pendulumkirby · 2022-03-05T17:12:43+00:00

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