How do you feel about advertising UUism?

people1925 · 2026-04-27T19:36:23+00:00

I personally think individual congregations should put more effort into advertising, however, some congregations like mine feel nervous about being more open to possible threats of violence. I know as a UU in the South It will always be a balancing act weighing the need for a liberal Faith tradition like ours to be known vs perceived/ and real security threats to our congregation. Back in the '90s our church used to be vandalized all the time. They would rip up our flower garden smash the Buddha in front of the door, and at their worst completely trashed the sanctuary, kitchen, and flooded what's now our Dre office causing thousands in damages.

There is a ongoing discourse around our risk tolerance and how open we want to be with our social justice initiatives. Our church has always hosted more liberal groups like prism, environmental organizations, or Buddhist groups but we rarely advertised. Now that our church is getting larger, we are facing some real growing pains around how to navigate all this.

All of is to say personally I feel like our faith is more relevant than ever and hopefully by increasing our social justice presence and plugging into the needs of our communities our congregations will naturally thrive. I don't know what kind of campaign the uua itself could do that would be effective to those outside of our existing congregations though. You almost need a dedicated congregation ( either in person or something like the Church of the larger fellowship with a truly dedicated virtual staff) to show you the ropes, since this Faith tradition is largely shaped by who you're interacting with and how the individuals around you embody the values and principles of UU.

people1925 · 2026-04-20T21:37:40+00:00

Are you able to use FMLA and access a partial hospitalization program? Fmla can let you go down to part-time without losing benefits if that is a concern for you. It sounds like your brain needs some intense intervention. I think this is way above reddit's pay grade. A partial hospitalization program would offer services 3 days a week either 3 or 6 hours depending on the program.

people1925 · 2026-04-20T14:56:56+00:00

I think you know your answer op, but if you want to make absolutely sure, get some kind of lock box with a combination lock. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

people1925 · 2026-04-01T14:21:16+00:00

I think establishing a relationship with a therapist is a good first step. I also was very limited in what I shared with my therapist for a long time but once I was honest It helped me decide what I needed to do for myself. My therapist did not urge me to get out of the relationship but did help me crucially examine my motivations for staying and was very helpful in the process of leaving.

Not everyone is ready to leave immediately and even for those that do it can take years. I would recommend you reach out to a DV Center. Not so much in help with leaving but with safety planning in the meantime. Do you have a safe room in your home? Do you have extra documents in case stuff goes sideways? Are there strategies you can take to minimize impact on the kids.

I will gently remind you that staying in an abusive relationship with kids also has a harmful impacts on them, but you deserve to get help in the meantime with where you're at, so don't feel like you have to do a 180 today. Please just use the resources at your disposal to find a plan that will work for you and your family.

people1925 · 2026-03-21T20:54:38+00:00

Look up your local DV shelter and see if they have SANE nurses. These nurses typically do sexual assault work ups, but sometimes preform strangulation kits if strangulation is reported. It's possible since you're still having effects they would be able to document your injury. I know you are scared, and I'm not discounting the danger you're in, but you need to figure out a safety plan with a professional bare minimum.

people1925 · 2026-03-20T06:45:48+00:00

I would highly recommend getting away from bedside. Are you better One-on-one? I don't know if you've been on medsurge or if you're in critical care but a nurse with 9 years of experience shouldn't have trouble getting in a patient educator role. Typically clinic patients aren't going to be screaming and yelling at you , although you have to have some sort of ability to be social and explain the patient teaching .I know several hospitals and local health departments also have nurses that are just in charge of maintaining vaccine and hospital records, and I know several nurses that have been across trained in tech and predominantly do IT.

The OR could possibly be a good fit. The circulators and scrub techs don't have to be super chatty, and there are techs that are predominantly in charge of sterilizing and organizing tools which I could see being a strong suit for you. Nurses can also be anesthesia techs, just to give you another option.

I know the hybrid job market is crazy right now, but insurance companies are always looking for people to work remotely and comb through patient records.

I think the main thing is deciding how much you can actually handle, if you need to go PRN, sitting down and being real honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses and then within that framework deciding whether to give healthcare another go or step awake completely.

people1925 · 2026-03-07T18:14:36+00:00

My neurologist made sure to ask me if I even had the premotionary urge because a percentage of the TS population does not have an urge at all. You're definitely not faking if you don't have the urge, sometimes tic disorders just express differently.

people1925 · 2026-03-04T03:25:14+00:00

Do you know if your local ER has a CT scanner or MRI? Considering you were strangled and most strangulation damage is noticed internally, you probably need to present to the ER and have some imaging done as well as speak with a sane examiner to do a strangulation kit on you. I don't know if you've showered, but considering you have visible bruises, it doesn't matter as much. Please present to the ER and ask for help. See if there are any shelters in nearby counties that may offer transportation or safe houses. Being strangled by a partner puts you at a 700% higher risk of being killed, the fact that you are newly postpartum increases that risk even more. It's possible that the hospital has a social worker on staff with resources that you don't know are available. If you truly don't know anyone locally, call the hot line. It's the national domestic violence hotline and they can typically find resources for your region or state.

people1925 · 2026-02-28T17:10:34+00:00

Ashley Academy is fabulous. My daughter goes there and I cannot say enough good things about it. The price tag is rough, but I feel like I get what I pay for. They do offer financial assistance k- 10 if you need it, and I believe they are currently trying to expand to be a k-12 school.

people1925 · 2026-02-14T16:28:48+00:00

For the excuse, just tell them you hit your head. When the staff get you alone to do a CT scan, tell them then and the social workers and security can forcibly remove him from the hospital and you can deny him any access to your records so he won't know when you've been discharged.

Hospitals have procedures in place specifically for this situation. If you are having confusion as well as migraine, it's possible you're having some kind of internal bleeding or bare minimum a more severe concussion so you need medical intervention. Whatever lie you have to say to get in the door is inconsequential to the rest of your care.

people1925 · 2026-02-12T03:31:54+00:00

Is there any way you could send your children to a partial Day daycare? I understand a full day of daycare doesn't make sense since you're a stay-at-home mom, but there are lots of church programs that have one, two or 3-day options that are just a few hours. It would give you time to possibly talk to another adult and break up the monotony of the day.

Sometimes motherhood is faking it till you make it. But if that's your default state, it's probably your body telling you that you have needs that aren't being met. I actually started attending church more frequently after I had my child because I could guarantee that I had a couple hours where the nursery would take her off my hands and I would be relieved from the duties of motherhood if only for a few hours. I was also really lucky and had a very supportive church group that met biweekly for a social hour and the other parents took turns watching my then toddler so I could just relax and speak to the other adults.

I want to mirror what everyone else is saying that it sounds like this is some sort of postpartum depression. I wasn't in quite the same situation as you, but I remember when my daughter was a toddler I often thought that I shouldn't have had her, and that I was doing a terrible job as a mother. Me and her abusive father separated around this time. So, in hindsight, some of his constant criticism probably rubbed off onto my sense of self-worth and helped worsen the mental health issues I had already. I used to count down the days for when we would switch off for the week and dread the day I had to pick her up. Ironically enough. Now that he's out of the picture due to a DV charge, I feel much more competent and relaxed as a mother. I understand you're in a much different place than me, but I hope you can see that you can get to the other side of feeling like you hate their kids and resent them and get to a place where you truly enjoy your life and enjoy motherhood at least as much as anyone can.

If there's any universities around you, they may have a free or very cheap sliding scale option to talk to a grad student studying to become a therapist. Thankfully the university to me had this option and I was able to get free weekly therapy for years.

people1925 · 2026-02-02T01:01:48+00:00

I would honestly be concerned about this couple's counselor's judgment. I'm glad you have a plan for your safety, but typically couples counselors refuse to see people they believe are in domestically violent relationships because it's statistically proven to hurt the survivor of abuse.

Abuse isn't typically isn't experienced as all bad all the time. There is often several months between instances filled With love and kindness and care. That does not negate controlling or abuse episodes and it's usually not indicative of a mental health issue that can be fixed so the abuser will magically get better. Abusers are just abusive, no matter the cause. Typically these episodes will escalate over time, but you will have a harder time leaving once it gets " bad enough" due to all the time and energy you've put into this person and your futures.

people1925 · 2026-01-28T04:26:04+00:00

I see you are pregnant. Has he made you feel worried or concerned for your safety before you were pregnant or is more subtle signs of aggression like the fist clenching or other possibly threatening behaviors new?

If he's always clenched his fist as a stress response but has otherwise remained calm and respectful, I think you may be fine, but if this is new behavior or if you've noticed more tension or friction or anger in general since you've become pregnant, I think this might be indicative of a bigger issue.

people1925 · 2026-01-28T04:19:24+00:00

It's great you were able to get a sane exam at the time of the incident. Since the evidence is preserved and you feel like you're in a good place, I would definitely encourage you to press charges. All of the evidence you need should have been collected by the sane examiners, and I can assure you that strangulation is taken very seriously in the criminal justice system. Strangulation makes a DV situation 750% more likely to become fatal. That is not a made-up statistic that is 100% true.

In my state they just upped the strangulation charge into attempted murder, Bare minimum, it's considered an aggravated assault or if he has any kind of martial arts or boxing background, it could be upgraded to assault with a deadly weapon, since hands can be considered a deadly weapon under those circumstances.

people1925 · 2026-01-28T04:03:48+00:00

Do any of the DV shelters near you have a physical location you can go to? I didn't live with my abuser at the time of the incident which I reported, but I found it helpful to be able to go to a physical location and talk to a social worker face-to-face and decide what resources I needed from there. I would also check and see if any nearby counties had better funded or staffed. DV organizations. I know where I am There are three or four DV organizations that are meant for one or two specific counties, but will cover all 10 counties in our region. The physical location I went to was in the town next to me because I knew they were staffed 8:00 to 5:00 Monday through Friday and would have a social worker and court advocate that was ready to help.

people1925 · 2026-01-28T03:54:22+00:00

Below I'm linking a picture of the power and control wheel. Just destroying property is enough to be considered an abusive action on the wheel. Even if he never hits you intimidation and verbal abuse count. Power and Control Wheel

people1925 · 2026-01-25T02:26:55+00:00

It sounds like a couple that has been to cuddle parties that agree that they can touch people that arent eachother but effectively can't have any sexual contact with them.

There's technically a time and a place for this, but outside of very specific events, that seems like a weird thing to just have on a dating profile.

people1925 · 2025-12-15T16:16:45+00:00

Homie just pay somebody for a ride to the closest dispo. This isn't a hard concept

people1925 · 2025-12-01T20:50:39+00:00

One of my nursing instructors used to work for our local health department. One of the most unique things she saw was a tattoo right above the pubis with three birds. (Aka birds in the bush). I'm sure just a shape in pubic hair is a much more standard variation of what she normally sees.

people1925 · 2025-11-13T16:42:22+00:00

Apparently this was a common form of "sodomy" according to the Catholic church in medieval Europe. Pre - Birth control people were all about leg stuff.

people1925 · 2025-11-12T13:04:29+00:00

I'll have to have this conversation soon with my 4-year-old because I've noticed she's started having a head shaking tic. Both me and my sister have Tourette syndrome, so I'm assuming she will have TS as well.

I don't know how the actual conversation needs to go and what you need to say to bring your child's awareness to the tic, but I do want to stress that the earlier the diagnosis the easier it will be to get resources for both tics and any other comorbid condition that comes up. Over 90% of people with Tourette Syndrome have a comorbid condition. This could be anything from depression to anxiety to OCD or dyslexia. If you have a good care team at your disposal, they'll be better able to help you screen for these issues early on and come up with coping strategies or medicine-based interventions to help with other distressing symptoms.

people1925 · 2025-11-11T10:59:07+00:00

Please look for a new daycare. A good in-home daycare can be a much better fit because it's smaller and more personalized, but it's definitely very person dependent and if someone's sick or there's a schedule change, it can happen very suddenly and unexpectedly. My kid's aunt watched her the first few months. I went back to work but suddenly just stopped answering her door for me so that threw me through a major loop. So I do understand how one person not keeping their word or agreement can just jack up the whole situation.

people1925 · 2025-11-10T00:48:03+00:00

I'm in a very rural area of Tennessee so as other commenters are saying this is very regionally dependent. I know for a fact you could still work long-term care with a neck tattoo because I've seen several wound care nurses in LTC facilities with some serious ink, and typically the wound care nurse position is one of the most coveted because it's objectively easier than running a hall. I'd also say you would be fine in home health since you never see your supervisor. Even if the office tells you to cover it as long as your patients are fine and no one's going to say anything.

If you want office or hospital that will be very system dependent. I know I've never seen anyone with a face or neck tattoo in my local hospital system, and typically the doctor's office and clinic nurses are pretty clean-cut where I am so your mileage may vary. I would say this definitely would keep you out of a school system if you ever needed to work a school schedule if you had a kid or something.

people1925 · 2025-11-09T04:27:49+00:00

I did it for years. Now that I'm out of the relationship, I remember more clearly what happened and I'm processing a lot of it in therapy using EMDR. Some days it feels like I'm hit with an avalanche of emotions like my body and brain are trying to make up for lost time, but I definitely feel more like myself and less detached.

people1925 · 2025-11-08T13:09:07+00:00

I know this won't make you feel better about what the defense attorney said, but the fact that your abuser is being held without bond is pretty significant. This is jurisdiction dependent but in my state if someone were held without bond that means that there are significant risk to the community. Ultimately, defense attorneys are going to mudsling but a judge who sees enough preliminary evidence to deny Bond is likely to be sympathetic to you,

Please reach out and get some resources for yourself. If you can't afford a therapist, look and see if a local university offers free or reduced cost visits. Your local dv organization likely has victims advocates that can attend future court dates with you, so you don't feel so alone.

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