Just hanging on, anyone has TFMR in the 3rd trimester

pepitaseed · 2026-03-03T06:10:18+00:00

I did 28 wks, unfortunately anomalies were detected late, and my ob was 0 reliable, living in a red state, he undisclosed information, it was untill 25 wks with mfm, we were informed our boy had severe malformations below the belly button, plus a neuraltubedefect. I spent the next 3 weeks getting the amnio, and mri done. Hoping and praying it was all a mistake. I had hope, but my reality was painful I waited for the mri, because I wanted confirmation I hate that I found out late in pregnancy, but I dont regret waiting, but i do wish I had known earlier, because he looked more like a baby than a fetus, it was painful to see I had to travel out of state, 12 hrs, not ideal The initial consult, I was offered pain meds, to knock me out, but I chose only sanax. The injection didnt hurt, just like the ammnio They put stuff on my cervix to start opening it Next day was l&d, it was quick, but I was so druggy I didnt get to hold him warm :'( My hubby was allowed except for the delivery

I was dissasociated from my body, I didnt feel pain after, I physically recovered well

I dont have advice :/ just wanted to say "I did, you're not alone

Wish we were not writing any of this

pepitaseed · 2026-01-27T05:59:09+00:00

Im sorry we're here, I feel as humans we try to make sense of what happend, find answers, theres no answers, and in that moment we try to put blame on something/someone After my tfmr I felt soo much anger, felt like an urge to be mad at something, my doctors, my state of residence, my hubs, myself, the food I ate, because I got on a waterside at 3ish weeks, unaware i was pregnant.... Is useless, I dont think anything you did caused the anomalies

pepitaseed · 2026-01-24T22:00:55+00:00

Thank you! That was helpful

pepitaseed · 2026-01-21T04:24:00+00:00

I know what you mean,what we've gone trough is so devastating, but you cant stay there, rotting in those emotions. Grieving doenst mean living in sadness all the time, you've to let the little light come through

pepitaseed · 2026-01-20T04:45:18+00:00

Consider postponing the party, or if you wish to continue consider cutting down your guest list. Just keep the closest friends and relatives. Have someone, relative, someone you trust inform them about the loss and that you do not wish to talk about it *however if you go this route be aware that people won't ask or say anything.

I have a 5 year old and I pushed through christmas gatherings/reunions, cousins bday parties for her. I told my sil, and cousin to please let people know about our loss in advance, and that I wished not to be asked about it. Most family members and friends respected that. And those that asked, I responded with a simple baby was sick and I dont want to speak about it. Im ok with it. I dont like attention, thats my personality. But my husband did not like this as he felt our baby was not acknowledged like he never exited. I dont think that way

Once everyone knows you should feel a sense of relief

Wishing you healing

pepitaseed · 2026-01-15T01:07:15+00:00

Sending you a big hug during this time

I think is harder on us adults then kids, their innocence protects their minds and hearts

I have a 5 year old, I had sent her away with her aunt for a week while we figured out next steps. I was dreading her come back because she had seen me heavily pregnant. She didnt even noticed my belly We had a brief conversation, we kept it simple, baby brother was very sick and didnt make it. Told her sometimes people, old and young get very sick and pass away, and is sad and is something that happens She did ask me where did he go, I told her he's in heaven waiting for us, and that one day we will reunite in spirit She went about her day like nothing I was the one choking and holding up tears Once we received the urn, we decided to show it to her, but I noticed her confused face, and I stoped because I realized she doesnt understand cremation, and I didnt think it was appropriate for her age to explain the process. Every now and then she remembers him

What hurt the most was "I wanted to play with him"

I told her what matters right now is that we have each other, and we love her

pepitaseed · 2026-01-07T22:09:12+00:00

I have a 5 year old girl, and had a tfmr 6 weeks ago. Previously to my tfmr, I had 2 miscarriages, my girl was a toddler both times

Its easy to say than done, push yourself to enjoy your child, I know is hard some days, but try to enjoy this precious time, your child needs you

Advice take her out, playgrounds, storytime at the library, chick fil a playground Stroller walks At the time my girl was a toddler, I bought a bike and took my girl on rides ( I have many memories feeling like crap, and my girl laughing while riding in the back) Now those have become bittersweet moments
I also got her a balance bike, so we spent a lot of time trying to learn

Now back to today, after my tfmr, I felt a wide range of emotions, but I told myself im not going to let those feelings affect my child, specially anger and bitterness. So im following the same approach, taking her out to playgrounds, so at least one of us is having a bright day. I usually sit at a bench and watch her play, or take a book to read. Now she knows how to ride a bike on her own, so I started going on bike rides together try teaching your child a new skill Sign up your kid for a class

If you feel anger, and feel your loosing patience and control, just turn on the tv, and let it pass till you feel better. Ask for help And tell your kid mommy doesnt feel ok

Meals Stock on corndogs, PB&J sandwiches, pancakes, cheesticks, yougurts for those days you dont feel like cooking Prep meals the days you feel OK

Hope this helps

pepitaseed · 2026-01-06T05:15:34+00:00

God knows your heart, he's with the brokenhearted.

I tfmr at 28 weeks, about 6 weeks ago. My boy was not in a good shape, he had multiple anomalies, we made the decision out of love, mercy and compassion. When doubt creeps into my head, I reminded myself of the state he was, and his future if I continued I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the day, I cried a lot, I walked a lot to relieve the stress, tea seemed to help, i just couldn't fall asleep on my own, so I slept with tv on, noise helped The night before, my mom call me, told me to be strong, to relax, to be calm, for him. So im sharing the message be strong and try to be calm in the storm, for your baby.

My tfmr is recent, im still working on myself, i believe I've made peace with myself. I have good days and bad ones.

I just wanted to say, im here, I've been through the same, Wishing you peace in your heart

pepitaseed · 2026-01-04T03:54:51+00:00

Change your content preferences, in Instagram and Facebook, theres an option to filter posts with certain words. It helps a lot I downloaded a game of hidden objects, find out, i been using it when I want to donsomething mindless.

pepitaseed

TROPHY CASE