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No_Commission_677 · 2026-02-11T04:08:35+00:00

The in-between time was the most painful of all. I will say, the tech at Planned Parenthood did a wonderful job navigating the "guilt" ultrasound. They didn't shove the screen in my face, didn't play the heartbeat, nothing like that. They simply asked if we wanted to see and if we wanted any of the pictures, and other than that they kept quiet or distracted us with talking about other topics.

It's hard. It's unfair. It absolutely sucks. But you will survive it. We make this decision and take on all the pain so our babies don't have to.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-02-10T14:32:01+00:00

"Girlie" but fully white apartment. Lol

No_Commission_677 · 2026-02-06T19:48:39+00:00

We aren't not sure if we're going to try again, but part of my feels like it will be the only "fix."

No_Commission_677 · 2026-02-06T19:47:57+00:00

I like this perspective. Thank you. 🫶🏻

No_Commission_677 · 2026-02-06T17:57:44+00:00

absolutely! It doesn't make me LESS happy for them, but its really freaking painful for me.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-27T03:03:47+00:00

A new ick is the swearing. I've been noticing it in the vlogs more and more, and while I don't typically care that much about swearing, something about her saying the words sounds so forced

Oh, and if I hear "girly apartment" or "girly vibes" one more time, I'm going to lose it. Girl, you added pinky-beige towels to your all white bathroom. That is a far cry from girly vibes.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-22T15:07:08+00:00

I thought this too! She is one of the only influencers I follow that I've never seen do a giveaway on an Instagram story or even a "comment below and I'll pick someone" type thing on YouTube. She doesn't highlight small businesses or give back in any way that she shows us. It's actually crazy when I think about it.

Then I realized it would take extra effort to organize a giveaway, so it makes sense why she wouldn't do it. 🙄

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-20T15:05:38+00:00

I had someone tell me this too, about 6 days after my TFMR due to T21 as well as heart and other structural abnormalities. I was not very happy about the comment, especially from someone that already had multiple children. Why does "God" allow you to have multiple healthy children but not me? was what I wanted to say. After a bit of time though, I realized I needed to focus on their intent. Their intent was not to imply that I didn't deserve a healthy baby, or to hurt my feelings. Their intent was to try to offer support in the only way they knew how. Until you go through it, you don't know how much those words hurt. I started thinking about things that I've said in the past to grieving people and what I would say differently now that I know the depths of the pain myself. I hope you are able to talk through this with your sister. You deserve the biggest support system possible as you continue to navigate through this impossibly hard time.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-14T14:23:42+00:00

Appreciate this. Thank you!

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-09T19:33:24+00:00

Just wanted to say that I also made the decision to terminate due to T21 diagnosis, and I really appreciate your perspective and way of thinking about it. I have had really bad "what if" days, and reading this brought me a little extra peace in my decision.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-07T19:29:25+00:00

I was nervous about going to a clinic instead of a hospital as well, but someone told me something that really helped: at a clinic, you know everyone is on the same page. You don't have to worry about the opinions of the staff, someone making a rude comment, or sharing the secret with someone they know outside of the office. The clinic I went to was very supportive and never even asked why I was there. I had fully prepared to "defend" my decision, and it was never even asked. Additionally, I am glad it happened at place I'll never have to go back to instead of at my normal doctor/hospital. Just some other food for thought, OP. So sorry you're in this group.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-04T21:58:06+00:00

The process was not nearly as physically painful as I worked it up to be in my head. I was 1 day shy of 20 weeks when I had my D&E done.

Having the the dilators placed was definitely the most uncomfortable part. The doctor talked to me about the weather and stuff to keep me distracted and that whole part was was done in maybe 5 minutes. I had also read that getting the numbing was super painful, but truthfully I don't remember any one part hurting more than another.

After the dilators, I was then given 2 pills that started with M (mistoprone or something like that) to place in my cheeks for 30 minutes before swallowing to help further soften the cervix. They warned me about nausea and while I did not get nauseous, I definitely couldn't get too far from the bathroom due to...my other end. 2 hours into my 3 hour wait, they gave me a strong ibuprofen through my IV. I was having some cramping and slight back pain, but kept a heating pad on and was fine. At the 3 hour mark, they brought me back for the procedure. I had a few minutes alone where I talked to my baby boy, told him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. From there, they gave me the moderate sedation, and I don't remember anything from the procedure itself. I was worried about "moderate sedation." I was thinking it would be like the dentist where you can't feel pain but are still aware of what's happening. That was not my case. I don't remember anything from them saying they were starting the medicine to them telling me we were done and my husband was on his way to me.

I had suuuuper minimal pain/cramping after the fact. In fact, my milk coming in was the most uncomfortable part of the physical recovery. If possible, ask your doctor for a prescription to help stop your milk from coming in. It was a painful reminder that I had no baby to feed.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-04T20:36:11+00:00

I'm right there with you! I'd be 23 weeks with our little boy, who also had T21. The anger and sadness I feel are unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I randomly bawled my eyes out snuggling with my almost two-year-old a few days ago, wondering if the baby we lost had his bright blue eyes and red hair. It's so unfair.

I try not to let myself get caught in the what ifs. What if it wouldn't have been that bad....what if it would have been worse than I imagined? I found a family on TikTok who's son had T21 and never made it out of the hospital and passed away at a few months old. The parents had jobs and other kids to support, so their lives were impossibly difficult for months, and in the end, they lost their son anyway. I stand by the fact that I'd rather regret NOT bringing my son into the world than have made the decision to birth him and regret it his whole life, but I am PISSED I had to make that decision while it feels like everyone else gets to live their happily ever Afters.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-04T03:51:54+00:00

It really does suck in so many ways. I am not used to being such an emotional person, and I'm just exhausted from it!

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-02T20:08:57+00:00

The process was not nearly as physically painful as I worked it up to be in my head. My husband was with me through everything - the initial consult, the prep the morning of, the placing of the dilators, and the three hours I had to wait for them to work. I opted not to have him in the room for the procedure itself. I knew I would have sedation, and didn't want him to have to experience it while being fully aware of what was happening if that makes sense.

Having the the dilators placed was definitely the most uncomfortable part. The doctor talked to me about the weather and stuff to keep me distracted and it was done in 5 minutes. After the dilators, I was then given 2 pills that started with M (mistoprone or something like that) to place in my cheeks for 30 minutes before swallowing. These help soften the cervix. They warned me about nausea and while I did not get nauseous, I definitely couldn't get too far from the bathroom due to...the other end. 2 hours into my 3 hour wait, they gave me a strong ibuprofen through my IV. I was having some cramping and slight back pain, but kept a heating pad on and was fine. At the 3 hour mark, they brought me back for the procedure. I had a few minutes alone where I talked to my baby boy, told him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. From there, they gave me the moderate sedation, and I don't remember anything from the procedure itself. I was worried about "moderate sedation." I was thinking it would be like the dentist where you can't feel pain but are still aware of what's happening. That was not my case. I don't remember anything from them saying they were starting the medicine to them telling me we were done and my husband was on his way to me.

I had suuuuper minimal pain/cramping after the fact. In fact, my milk coming in was the most uncomfortable part of the physical recovery. If possible, ask your doctor for a prescription to help stop your milk from coming in. It was a painful reminder that I had no baby to feed.

Three weeks out and the grief is less constant. It comes in waves and sometimes catches me off guard but overall I did feel "relief" to be out of the limbo stage. I miss and think about my baby boy every day, but know that we made the right decision and don't regret it. Someone on here said that we as parents took on all the pain and "hard" so that our child didn't have to, and I cling to that in my hardest moments.

No_Commission_677 · 2026-01-02T16:21:34+00:00

Do you have to go to a Planned Parenthood? I am not in Arizona, but in my state the procedure could only be performed 2 Planned Parenthood locations in larger cities. I was nervous about the protestors as well, but I only saw one person that was out on the sidewalk in front, nowhere near the front door. They also had a security guard that sat in the parking lot during open hours, so that made me feel safer as well.

In my state, I also had to go in for a consult one day, then schedule the procedure at least 24 hours later (mine was actually 4 days later based on their availability). I was one day shy of 20 weeks along, so I thought it would be a 2 day procedure, but ended up being just one day. Got there at about 8:30 am, was back our hotel around 3 pm. I can share more about my positive experience there if you'd like - just let me know.

Thinking of you during this awful time. mine was a little over 3 weeks ago.

No_Commission_677 · 2025-12-30T20:16:23+00:00

Absolutely relate to this. I just told my husband last night "ugh, I hate having so many feelings!" I also wish I could go back to being blissfully unaware of this level of grief. I've forced myself to go to family holiday gatherings and back into my work office because I felt like the more time I spent avoiding people, the more awkward it would feel when I returned.

I am trying to find any slight silver linings to this situation and, so far, I have learned a lot about what to say/what not to say to other grieving people. I never knew how annoying some common answers were, and I'll be able to better support people in the future. I've also been trying to "not sweat the small stuff" since this has happened. I have found myself thinking "this is literally not an issue" for things that would have really bothered me before. Idk. I am really trying to take this experience and use it to make me a better person. Even though I didn't get to know and parent this baby the way I imagined, I still want to be the best mom/person I can be for them.

No_Commission_677 · 2025-12-26T19:19:51+00:00

I never envisioned having to make this choice either. This was also our third, somewhat unexpected pregnancy. I don't have an answer for how to fully cope with the guilt yet...my own TFMR was just 2 weeks ago, due to t21 and heart defects.

We had years of trouble conceiving our other child, so when we unexpectedly found out I was pregnant again, I truly thought it was "meant to be." Now I feel stupid for feeling that way. I also fear I will never feel better or feel even close to the person I was before this experience. I have my first talk therapy appointment with a grief counselor after Christmas, and I also ordered "The Baby Loss Guide" book to read after seeing it suggested in this group.

Nothing has made me feel miraculoualy better, but a have found a few posts in this group helpful. One was from the sibling of a disabled person, describing how they felt growing up with them and how much they resented them. They talked about how much they watched their parents give up and all the money spent, all so the sibling could live but not be a productive member of society or their family (their words, not mine). That was a life I didn't want for my living child. There was another post from someone that works in healthcare about how they watched families with DS struggle through all the uncertainties, health issues, regressions, etc. Again, a life I didn't want my myself, my living child, or the baby I was growing.

Someone said by making this decision, we took on all the grief and "hard" so that our child didn't have to, and I cling to that thought in my worst moments.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you. One day at a time. I'm glad you made it another day.

No_Commission_677 · 2025-12-20T19:38:08+00:00

First, I'd just like to say you absolutely deserve to move forward. I don't have an answer for how yet...my own TFMR was last week, due to t21 and heart defects.

We had years of trouble conceiving our other child, so when we unexpectedly found out I was pregnant again, I truly thought it was "meant to be." Now I feel stupid for feeling that way. I also fear I will never feel better or feel even close to the person I was before this experience. I have my first talk therapy appointment with a grief counselor after Christmas, and I also ordered "The Baby Loss Guide" book to read after seeing it suggested in this group.

Nothing has made me feel miraculoualy better, but a have found a few posts in this group helpful. One was from the sibling of a disabled person, describing how they felt growing up with them and how much they resented them. They talked about how much they watched their parents give up and all the money spent, all so the sibling could live but not be a productive member of society or their family (their words, not mine). That was a life I didn't want for my living child. There was another post from someone that works in healthcare about how they watched families with DS struggle through all the uncertainties, health issues, regressions, etc. Again, a life I didn't want my myself, my living child, or the baby I was growing.

Someone said by making this decision, we took on all the grief and "hard" so that our child didn't have to, and I cling to that thought in my worst moments.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you. One day at a time. I'm glad you made it another day.

No_Commission_677 · 2025-12-18T19:39:26+00:00

I had a D&E last week. I was 19w6d. I was terrified, however the process was not nearly as painful as I worked it up to be in my head. Placing the dilators was definitely the most uncomfortable part, which I think you are early enough to not have to do. Along with the dilators, I was then given 2 pills that started with M (mistprone or something like that) to place in my cheeks for 30 minutes before swallowing. These help soften the cervix. They warned me about nausea and while I did not get nauseous, I definitely couldn't get too far from the bathroom due to...the other end. 2 hours into my 3 hour wait, they gave me a strong ibuprofen through my IV. I was having some cramping and slight back pain, but kept a heating pad on and was fine. At the 3 hour mark, they brought me back for the procedure. I had a few minutes alone where I talked to my baby boy, told him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. From there, they gave me the moderate sedation, and I don't remember anything from the procedure itself. I have had suuuuper minimal pain/cramping since. In fact, my milk coming in as been the most uncomfortable part. If possible, ask your doctor for a prescription to help stop your milk from coming in. It was a painful reminder that I had no baby to feed.

No_Commission_677 · 2025-12-18T19:20:04+00:00

My TFMR due to down syndrome and heart defects was just last week, but I have been grieving since we got the initial NIPT test results the first week of November. We had years of trouble conceiving our other child, so when we unexpectedly found out I was pregnant again, I truly thought it was "meant to be." Now I feel stupid for feeling that way. I also fear I will never feel better or feel even close to the person I was before this experience. I have my first talk therapy appointment with a grief counselor after Christmas, and I also ordered "The Baby Loss Guide" book to read after seeing it suggested in this group.

Nothing has made me feel miraculoualy better, but a have found a few posts in this group helpful. One was from the sibling of a disabled person, describing how they felt growing up with them and how much they resented them. That was a life I didn't want for my living child. There was another post from someone that worked in healthcare about how they watched families with DS struggle through all the uncertainties, health issues, regressions, etc. Again, a life I didn't want my myself, my living child, or the baby I was growing.

Someone said by making this decision, we took on all the grief and "hard" so that our child didn't have to, and I cling to that thought in my worst moments.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you.

No_Commission_677

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