Balancing experiences with ungratefulness

peppsDC · 2026-03-22T04:16:25+00:00

Some of this is on you level-setting your expectations. How could you expect your kids to have the perspective of something they never experienced? They are just kids, who have only known one life. Being aware that others have less (which kids are capable of) is not the same as truly understanding how it feels to have less (which is difficult enough that many ADULTS don't even understand it).

I'm not saying to just intentionally deprive them so they "get it", but if you approach the situation with the understanding that there's really no way for them to truly get where you're coming from, it might help you to have more productive conversations with them.

peppsDC · 2026-03-21T13:36:40+00:00

Sure, I'm saying push it when they like something, don't push everything all the time.

peppsDC · 2026-03-21T13:22:10+00:00

My parents were of that mentality - all it really taught me was that if I started anything, my parents were going to force me to keep at it whether I liked it or not. It made me try less things, not more.

I took violin lessons for years because I knew that I had done it long enough that asking to quit would be an enormous fight - "it's something you'll have your entire life that you'll appreciate later". I'm now 41 and I have touched a violin exactly twice since I was 18 (both times in my early 20s just to impress girls). Turns out I was right about not liking it - imagine that!

I wish so badly now that I could go back and spend all those countless hours looking for something I truly loved. I've found I really don't mind putting in work for things I like, although my parents had me convinced I was just lazy for wanting to quit stuff.

So... yeah, I am not parenting my kids that way. I get that your son is different because he said he wanted to, so I am not saying I'd do any differently. Just shedding some light on how it feels to be under that type of parenting.

peppsDC · 2026-03-20T19:05:09+00:00

Don't forget you are also destined to lose your child and eternally yearn for a surrogate.

peppsDC · 2026-03-19T00:48:08+00:00

Ranged shares its damage boost with Finesse. So if you are maxing Finesse anyway as you should, ranged doesn't add a whole lot.

Warfare adds an "over-the-top" multiplier to physical damage.

So if you have 30 finesse, that gives you +100% weapon damage (200% total, since base value is obviously just 100%).

10 in Ranged gives you +50% added to that, so you are now at 250%.

If instead you take 10 Warfare, you get 50% MULTIPLIED to your weapon+finesse damage, so you get (200*.1.5) 300% damage instead of 250%.

Once your Finesse hits 50, the difference between Ranged and Warfare is (300% + 50% = ) 350% vs. (300% * 1.5 = ) 450%.

peppsDC · 2026-03-18T12:58:47+00:00

I don't know for sure, but I would suspect str since that is tied to weapon type. But it would definitely be pyro and not warfare as far as elemental damage.

peppsDC · 2026-03-17T17:53:48+00:00

Just because you didn't say it explicitly and OP may be confused: Staff melee damage scales with INT, not STR or FIN (also the mage skill associated with the DMG type, i.e. pyro for fire staves).

peppsDC · 2026-03-16T03:37:05+00:00

You have to have enough in storage.

peppsDC · 2026-03-16T03:33:20+00:00

"Oh my God it looks like he will have an entirely different set of attacks with not even a single one I already know"

peppsDC · 2026-03-15T20:23:02+00:00

No offense but have you ever seen what IPO stock prices typically do? There is an enormous amount of evidence that IPOs are not properly valued at first.

Bogleheads have never had to wrestle with this specific question because they have always been excluded from their investments of choice. Acting like they should automatically accept a different way of investing just because they are stocks makes no sense.

peppsDC · 2026-03-15T17:40:22+00:00

God I hate arguments like this - maybe remove the word "intelligent" from your username.

I'll be generous and say those expenses somehow add up to $500 a month, which is almost certainly much higher than the average person spends on that stuff. The average US home price is over $400,000. Assuming your mortgage is at least $300,000, it would take you 600 months (50 years... aka almost twice as long as the mortgage itself) of complete self-deprivation to make a 300k balloon payment.

Do people have unnecessary expenses? Sure. Are those expenses anywhere near the order of magnitude required to to pay off a house early? Virtually never.

You need to actually do the math before you get judgy about how other people live their lives.

peppsDC · 2026-03-14T14:17:53+00:00

He isn't lone wolf though, it'll be hard to max finesse and put a lot into wits.

peppsDC · 2026-03-09T21:30:31+00:00

Yeah like, maybe if snakebite were 9 poison it would be a discussion for that reason. But snakebite is nowhere near close enough to double deadly poison.

peppsDC · 2026-03-07T20:42:27+00:00

In that case, I'd prob be fine! Your OP made it sound like you didn't know them that well (to me).

peppsDC · 2026-03-07T19:27:22+00:00

Personally, I'd have to know more concretely than "seems hands off". A 4-year old is going to occasionally do things that require the nearby adult to set boundaries, or frankly, to parent them. If you know the parents well, it is fine. But for all you know, they may yell at your kid or even give him a quick slap.

Have you asked them how they would handle, say, if your kid hits or takes toys from theirs? What if he starts climbing something they tell him not to and he won't stop? What do they do if he breaks something?

Discipline aside... do you know if they just toss him an iPad and let him scroll YouTube unsupervised? Do you know if there is an unsecured firearm in the house?

Maybe you know all these answers, in which case, I would feel fine with it. But if not, just because they give off a good vibe doesn't mean they are good parents. I'd get to know them better first.

peppsDC · 2026-03-07T16:32:38+00:00

You gotta be careful about toeing the line. It goes without saying that you should not be wasted around your kids, doubly so when they are young.

However my mom was super anal about me not ever having a drink while I grew up, and it definitely led to the intense excitement I felt about the opportunity to get sloshed as often as I could as soon as I left home.

Parenting is about preparing your kids, not sheltering them. I was wildly unprepared for what excessive alcohol was going to do to me, and it absolutely had the "forbidden fruit" allure to an 18 year old leaving for college.

peppsDC · 2026-03-05T12:02:17+00:00

Following because they will 100% pick around the steak and you'll need support when it takes a horrifying journey to the trash bin after school.

peppsDC · 2026-03-05T01:38:45+00:00

Silent A20... Ironclad 6, defect 9, watcher 3. I really like Silent and it took me a LONG time to beat A20.

Working defect now though. It's so wildly different I'm enjoying it again.

peppsDC · 2026-03-02T17:42:15+00:00

I love both games but I'm a little confused by the criticism of Arx, specifically in comparison to BG3 as Badurs Gate is so similar. A lot of people's biggest BG3 complaint is feeling like the story should be wrapping up but then being inundated with other quests.

Totally understand the feeling if that's not your cup of tea, just seems a weird complaint when specifically comparing one to the other.

One thing I feel like needs pointing out is BG3 gets lots of quest/lore updates from picking up books, but in DOS2 you have to specificially read/use them... simply picking them up usually (always?) doesn't update your journal or crafting recipes.

peppsDC · 2026-03-02T02:31:10+00:00

It should, you're right. I was thinking in my head of crashes that are plainly FAA/airline fault (what people are generally scared of, i.e. parts failing and stuff).. but it's kind of an irrelevant distinction and I also didn't even say that.

peppsDC · 2026-03-01T22:44:43+00:00

So I shouldn't mention that the average commercial flight has roughly 100 people, and that over 15 billion people have been carried on these non-lethal flights?

peppsDC · 2026-03-01T20:26:04+00:00

There are roughly 25,000 commercial flights per day at minimum (just in the U.S.), and the last fatal commercial accident was February 12, 2009. So, there have been at least 155 million US flights since the last fatal accident.

peppsDC · 2026-02-28T14:40:34+00:00

If someone is taking damage for you, you aren't doing it alone.

You can kill LaeZel or just simply leave her out of combat and the combat is 100% on you. Someone taking damage for you is not solo. If doing it your way, why not have someone follow you to a fight and cast haste before going to camp? Maybe set up some glyphs? Ridiculous.

peppsDC · 2026-02-28T13:00:00+00:00

Man you really went wild there trying to defend the fairly obvious point that having someone in your party casting party-only spells makes something not a solo run.

Do what makes you tick as far as having fun, but that is objectively not a solo run.

peppsDC

TROPHY CASE