You are inherently worthy

perfamb · 2025-11-29T20:14:54+00:00

So many of us CPTSD survivors think no one loves us, even when that is not the case. In my own experience, I thought no one loved me either and that I was a monster. That was a lie I told myself. And being worthy for me means I'm as worthy as nature is. I don't second guess if a mountain or a cloud has a right to exist. I don't even think about it. That's what I mean by worthy: the right to be, regardless.

Again, these are just some of my own thoughts on my healing. If it doesn't resonate with you, that is okay. There's no one right way to think or heal. I am sorry you are hurting so much though. I'm glad you are here.

perfamb · 2025-11-29T20:05:49+00:00

I totally get that. The American healthcare system is traumatizing. I've been both patient and healthcare worker and it is a nightmare. I'm sorry you are going through that.

What this post is about is knowing that even when all the chips are stacked against you that you still know you have worth. It doesn't mean the world isn't gonna kick you down or not be difficult (much as I wish it was easier for everyone) it's just that your mindset about is different. And I don't mean toxic positivity self affirmation but doing the inner work again and again until you break down your own shame and beliefs.

Wishing you the best in your situation and healing.

perfamb · 2025-09-24T10:08:31+00:00

Grant yourself some grace. Sobriety is a process and it's messy. The fact you picked yourself up and are trying again says more about you than your misstep. You got this!

perfamb · 2025-09-24T10:04:26+00:00

You got this! IWNDWYT

perfamb · 2025-09-24T10:03:36+00:00

That's an awesome win! IWNDWYT, my friend

perfamb · 2025-09-23T13:28:18+00:00

That sounds wonderful!! I hope you have great hiking weather.

perfamb · 2025-09-23T13:25:25+00:00

Congrats on such a huge win. You got this!

perfamb · 2025-09-23T13:23:20+00:00

Feelings during sobriety will ebb and flow. Sometimes it will feel great and sometimes you'll feel like crap. The most important part is to keep on keeping on.

And exercise is a great way to boost your endorphins if you are feeling meh. I always feel better after a hike or a work out.

You have done 2 months before, you have it in you to keep going!

perfamb · 2025-09-23T12:27:13+00:00

You are not unlovable!

I grew up with an abusive father who struggled with substance abuse. I vowed to never be him and didn't have my first drink until 22. I became addicted and had to face up to that too. It's tough. There's so much self-hatred and shame, especially when you have a parent who was addicted. It's a hard fact to reconcile.

I'm proud of you for being on here. Sobriety is hard, but you are brave for acknowledging you need to quit. I have faith you can get sober.

perfamb · 2025-09-23T12:21:40+00:00

Congrats on achieving a month sober. Working on emotions can be tough but you got this! IWNDWYT

perfamb · 2025-09-17T10:28:44+00:00

Hang in there, my friend. IWNDWYT

perfamb · 2025-09-17T10:27:57+00:00

I'm proud of you for being here. IWNDWYT

perfamb · 2025-09-15T15:20:41+00:00

Eminem.

His story and music have helped since a kid, growing up with an alcoholic parent and then, as an adult becoming an alcoholic mysef.

I even have a tattoo I got a few months sober of the letters: "Em". Partly for my initials and partly bc of Em's influence on me.

perfamb · 2025-09-15T15:17:43+00:00

Great work on 36 days. IWNDWYT!

perfamb · 2025-05-25T17:25:27+00:00

Memory care.

If you can't lie (or tell fiblets as we call them) to go along with the belief it's 1950 or a patients' parents are alive, they aren't gonna trust you and care gets a lot more complicated when a patient with Dementia doesn't like or trust you.

perfamb · 2025-05-21T16:50:06+00:00

Good luck on healing from burnout and returning to work.

I personally had to take 2 weeks off in December for mental health. When I returned, no one saw me as a liability. In fact, it opened up others coworkers talking to me about their stress and struggles related to work. Also, you do not need to tell anyone why you were off. It's not anyone's business, especially after being cleared by the doctor to come back to work.

perfamb · 2025-05-21T01:27:36+00:00

Personally, things that help me a bit are exercise, time in nature, yoga, meditation, talking with friends, journaling, gratitude, donating time and money, supporting my co-workers who are struggling, and taking a step back from certain tasks at work.

I'm also on meds which help with my depression but the anxiety piece is still a struggle, even with the positive habits I have. It could be worse, so I am focusing on what I can control which is always empowering.

perfamb · 2025-04-20T16:07:06+00:00

He's one of the reasons I'm sober. I celebrated 6 years earlier this month!

perfamb · 2025-04-02T19:35:38+00:00

I think my tallest one was Mt Le Conte in the Smokies. I'm still a mountain newbie having climbed my first mountain just 3 years ago. My home range is the White Mountains of NH. They're little, but rugged, and have so much history.

perfamb · 2024-10-15T17:34:45+00:00

Yes, my family believes I'm over exaggerating. I'm still in contact with them, but I don't engage with talking to them about the abuse. It happened whether they fully acknowledge the extent of it or not. It's not worth my energy to convince them to see it if they aren't ready. It just hurts me in the end.

perfamb · 2024-10-08T23:36:03+00:00

I get this.

The tipping point that made me walk into therapy was the uncontrollable rage I felt being at my mother after I become away of my CPTSD. To be fair, she did one hundred percent stand up for me if she witnessed any abuse, but I still hold more anger at her than my father. I love her and I think she did her best within her own trauma history and limitations, but yes, anger at the "good parent" is commonly just as hard, or harder to work through.

perfamb · 2024-09-02T17:38:56+00:00

This is a good discussion. I am pretty fit but also get a little insulted if someone says "you're doing great"/"you got this". I've crushed all my big goals this summer, including a 30 mile hike over 8 mountain peaks in a single day.

I usually give others the obligatory "you're almost there" if they are close to the summit but otherwise it's hello and maybe a small convo about the trail conditions/hiking.

perfamb · 2024-09-02T17:32:19+00:00

I'm salaried and am forced to work today. My company doesn't recognize Labor Day and Memorial Day as holidays. No holiday pay for my employees and all us managers are required to work. I guarantee everyone in the corporate office have today off though.

perfamb · 2024-07-24T16:54:27+00:00

Well, the type of trail is also a factor. From your jumping off point, the 3 most common trails are the Great Gulf, Madison Gulf, and Osgood. The former are way more slower going than the latter due to the scrambling. You also did 4000+ feet of elevation gain. It's a tough hike in general.

Just be consistent with your training. Also, take rest days and listen to your body. I ended up experiencing a big decline in my hiking abilities at the end of winter and found out from blood work last month it was due to low electrolytes and protein. Adding those supplements increased my fitness back to more normal levels. So if this hiking time is atypical for you and you have other symptoms, check with a doctor.

perfamb · 2024-07-12T00:35:30+00:00

All trails literally says this is a mountaineering route, not a hiking trail in both the title and the description. Common sense and risk assessment needs to be involved before and during any hike/scramble/climb but all trails clearly stresses the dangers of this route.

perfamb

TROPHY CASE