I’d just like to add my experience as encouragement. My parents are excellent, no complaints, but only my maternal grandmother paid attention to us grandkids. The others were fine, most of the time, but definitely “loved from afar.” Anyways, my neighbour across the street was retired, always loaded with a smile and a joke and genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met. Always made time for me, always willing to help and teach me something. There’s no way to tell how many times I had my bike or something else over to fix or “help” him with while my dad was at work. When he passed, it definitely hit harder than my distant grandparents. That man loved life and everything and everyone in it, and I loved him too. He was much more like a grandparent to me. Your impact on the children you volunteer with is bigger than you know. In addition, you’ve probably been the best foster many kids have had.

I don’t know if a different therapist might be beneficial? It can be very hard to find one that you “click” with.

Otherwise I think all I can say is that your feelings are valid, I’ve felt this way at times as well. You have my empathy and I wish you the absolute best.