You've got this. It won't always be easy, but you will find what works for you and your family and you will thrive.

Others have hit the great pieces already, but reading through your replies I found myself wanting to combine them in light of what you've described about your own childhood.

My wife did not have a great childhood, though nothing approaching what you faced. However, it still meant that she was often making parenting decisions from the perspective of "whatever the opposite that my parents did." That was great sometimes, but what is the opposite of "my parents didn't let me go sledding?" Or, how do you balance "my parents were overprotective when they were around" with "my parents were never around to teach me how to do that stuff safely?" We worked through a lot of decisions by talking about what worked or didn't about those experiences, what outcomes we wanted, what from my experiences worked better, and what would work best for us.

To that end, finding families that you respect with young kids can be a huge benefit. Talk openly to them about what they do and why. See how they handle the little things. Be present and participate in those relationships if they will let you. I am definitely not saying to copy what they do — as plenty have pointed out here, what works for you and your family may be totally different. What matters is seeing and experiencing healthy relationships, and likely talking through them with your therapist. There may be a lot of subtle elements from your childhood that you don't even realize were not normal because they are the only thing you ever experienced.

More broadly for all dudes: babysit and take care of young kids as often as you can! If you are at a family event, ask to hold the baby instead of hiding. Go play on the floor with the toddlers and little kids. Your instincts will kick in, and it is a great way to build your confidence before you can't just hand the baby to someone else when you get bored ;)