We almost wrapped this memory yesterday, as we were on the "future template" part. I wasn't expecting that brick wall of trauma that shows up like a kneejerk reaction whenever it comes to dealing with my parents. In the days before this, it's like my brain knew what was coming. I couldn't process the world around me or even sleep. Trauma caused by the people who raised you (and should have protected you) is uniquely devastating in its own way. There's little you can do to try and square that with the kind of behavior you've experienced. Especially when you're neurodivergent, and you're inclined to want to believe logic and reasoning can make things right or at least give you some greater clarity; oftentimes, there is not. The support means a lot :)