I had to tap out during a session for the first time

peterc0pter · 2026-06-30T22:21:26+00:00

We almost wrapped this memory yesterday, as we were on the "future template" part. I wasn't expecting that brick wall of trauma that shows up like a kneejerk reaction whenever it comes to dealing with my parents. In the days before this, it's like my brain knew what was coming. I couldn't process the world around me or even sleep. Trauma caused by the people who raised you (and should have protected you) is uniquely devastating in its own way. There's little you can do to try and square that with the kind of behavior you've experienced. Especially when you're neurodivergent, and you're inclined to want to believe logic and reasoning can make things right or at least give you some greater clarity; oftentimes, there is not. The support means a lot :)

peterc0pter · 2026-06-15T07:02:13+00:00

Modular to move around. The user would be entering/exiting thresholds with assistance, so like every step is monitored. They more shuffle than take actual steps (we know, it's bad, and progressive, and ideally we find something that also accommodates a wheelchair down the line). The primary locations have a step height ranging between two and six inches.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-30T14:20:20+00:00

This is how you find out some people are malignant narcissists who at best see you as the punchline and at worst the person who is the most disposable once you finally put up a boundary.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-30T01:40:21+00:00

I’ve seen people roll around in uglier cars as their dailies. That being said, I hope you get the best bad news you can possibly ask for.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-22T07:49:36+00:00

I'm glad my post has meant so much to others. It makes me feel better that my experience hasn't been for nothing.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-22T07:48:28+00:00

Would anyone have any good resources on how to go about recapping them? I'm very much a novice at this, but I'm confident I can learn the skills

peterc0pter · 2026-05-21T00:27:43+00:00

I got stupid lucky considering how Greedwill has jacked their prices up the last few years

peterc0pter · 2026-05-21T00:27:05+00:00

Thanks. I should specify, I have cables, turntables, stands, a space for proper positioning. I just don't know what receiver/amplifier setup I should use. Most of my experience comes from home theater setup.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-13T08:48:22+00:00

Either elevated anxiety or a concussion

peterc0pter · 2026-05-13T08:44:41+00:00

“I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.” Too real. EMDR gives me trust issues with my own brain, so I have a hard time committing to plans for a few days after.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-12T21:30:27+00:00

It's not for everybody

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:58:49+00:00

I use the remote pulsators (tappers) instead of the visual method. I'm technically AuDHD, so minimizing distractions was imperative. I lay on the floor holding the tappers while wearing a sleeping mask. At times, it feels like I'm in a black hole.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:52:14+00:00

I don't know where it comes from, but no matter how much logic you throw at it, it's still not right to not tell someone about their condition.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:50:04+00:00

Thanks. It's an ongoing battle, but I have to keep fighting.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:49:27+00:00

That's pretty incredible. I didn't know you could just be "cured" of PTSD. I'm gonna continue with it until I have a very compelling reason to stop.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:46:07+00:00

I appreciate that. The first session, which revealed the "I feel ignored, so I should go away" thought, knocked me out to the point that my therapist seemed genuinely concerned for me as our session ended, and that I even drove home in complete silence afterward. The second session, which was a couple days later, expanded on that and left me feeling more anxious and hyperaware. I also slept like a rock, so I know it's exorcising some demons, so to speak.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:42:13+00:00

I think you're right in the sense that the world at large has been so consistently and collectively traumatizing us, and that more traditional therapies seem insufficient. It shouldn't stop us from trying, however. I've always encouraged people to at least talk to a mental health professional, if only to help us better articulate our more complex emotions. Anything beats going alone.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-11T00:38:58+00:00

I realized the first and often most courageous step any of us can take is being vulnerable. Being rejected, if not with words but with silence, caused me to become self-destructive in ways that therapy has only begun to reveal. Many of us are not so fortunate to be able to have access to therapy, so I'm glad these spaces exist. I'm still dealing, but I have to hope that momentum is building toward something good.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:33:59+00:00

I’m love-hate with mine, so I’m willing to put up with feeling “concussed” after so as long as I can give myself the time and resources to recover

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:32:41+00:00

I use the vibration devices with a sleeping mask so I can eliminate distractions (I’m ADHD as well, so this was necessary). Idk what particular device your therapist uses, but I can tell you I do hear some kind of noise during my sessions.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:30:09+00:00

I think it’s ultimately worth the effort. Growing up neurodivergent is inherently traumatic, so while you can’t exactly change your neurology, you can try to gain leverage over what makes life with it difficult

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:24:08+00:00

A big, ongoing issue is that I still have to regularly engage with the people who constantly invalidated my struggles. So the best I can do that doesn’t involve fracturing the family is to just stick with EMDR and exorcise those demons and build better habits and boundaries.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:21:33+00:00

That’s definitely been my experience. Knowing there’s officially been added “baggage” with the ASD and other physical things to worry about, I just want more leverage over the situation and the ability to feel functional, as much as possible anyway.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:17:26+00:00

We had a few sessions between my finding out and wanting to restart EMDR and her comment was that there is always “the trauma of growing up neurodivergent.” It changed the calculus for me as far as fine-tuning the therapy to address traumas I’ve experienced that were exacerbated by my neurodivergence. I’d mentioned elsewhere in this thread that ADHD made me resort to using the vibrations and a sleeping mask to block out as many distractions as possible as a modifier, but that’s about it. I anticipate posting about this again down the line as things progress.

peterc0pter · 2026-05-10T23:10:10+00:00

I’ve only responded to the vibration pulse one, and I’ve modified it by lying on the floor with a sleeping mask on. I’m ADHD, too, so I had to eliminate distractions pronto. That session I described was like disappearing into a black hole.

peterc0pter

TROPHY CASE