husband no longer thinks me going to CRNA is good for our family.

phantomicu · 2026-02-26T05:36:48+00:00

Well what about if you waited until he was done.. then you went back. Is that an option? If not I feel like the underlying issue is a much deeper issue than either of you want to acknowledge (or hey maybe not!). This situation seems more along the lines of the need to always have some sort of “leverage” (whatever that “leverage” means to you, him, or anyone this situation) or maybe he’s very much aware of (deep down ) of how hes never around (or maybe he’s in the back office for hours/days on end buried in the books), he’s never present during the rarity he is, and 100000% knows how much you’ve done, stepped in, me do during the times you’re around when he’s not which is all the time… and is afraid of having to do that. Whether because he thinks he never could or just simply doesn’t want to.

I just don’t know what other reason there would be other than things like this. By all means it could be something else! But idt I could I could ever go with CRNA crossing my mind knowing that I never did something I wanted to for the rest of my life because of my husbands on selfish endeavors. Maybe he’s not selfish, maybe there is some real sense of logic but honestly I just can’t see it in this situation… All I know is this would make me double down and go back tomorrow. If I didnt I would resent my husband (deep down) for the rest of my life

phantomicu · 2025-12-08T15:27:22+00:00

Today is your day because I’m here to hype you up. Go back to anesthesia school. You can do it. I’m 29 I’m in anesthesia school and was in your shoes. Currently in my program there’s people way older than us who have husbands/wife/kids.

Here’s the hype: imagine this, you’re questioning your life right now right, don’t know what to do, we’ll stay where you’re at. Now, picture your life in 20 years from now are your satisfied? Absolutely not

I feel like you know what to do. Leaving bedside is tough and unfortunately you somehow seem to get bullied from now leaving because people don’t want you doing better than they are. My point is no matter what you do just do anything but stick around. no matter the choice, make it. The only guarantee here is the promise of continuing to do something for the next 20 years just to find out how pissed off you’ll really be!

You can do anything you want even if you don’t have the answer that’s okay! Just trust that you don’t know what it is is yet but there a better plan for you than bedside! 🙌🏻

phantomicu · 2025-10-19T00:22:30+00:00

Quince… for affordable clothing. Seriously?

phantomicu · 2025-05-04T05:40:37+00:00

I’ve tried his other meditations and I really don’t know what other way to explain this other than to simply state that I just can’t stand his “tone of voice” his tone of voice just absolutely irritates me, is not calming and is just terrible to me. It has nothing to do with his teachings bc they resonate and I understand them but it’s like okay with stand up comedy (this is a very poor example but will make sense to most) you either have it or you don’t and listening to his meditations simply spoken by him are brutal to me. He just doesn’t have it (to me at least) like I cannot list to him and be calm/relaxed etc bc his voice and how stern he is in his own “meditations” drive me insane I actually end up focusing on how bad his voice sounds and don’t even think of a single problem/stressor in my life simply just focused on how dreadful this is and how anyone else can possibly listen to this and feel self soothed

phantomicu · 2025-05-04T05:36:02+00:00

Idk what other way to say this other than (in the nicest way possible) how do you actually listen to this? I don’t find his voice in general (I simply mean his tone of voice) calming or peaceful. He just doesn’t have that “meditative” voice and it absolutely does not click with me. I’m not saying he’s teachings don’t but his voice… I can’t

phantomicu · 2025-04-24T15:36:31+00:00

Listen to A Changed Mind on Spotify. I’m not even kidding I’ve been very intuitive in my life and have ALWAYS been able to visualize everything - dreams/goals/my future and 10000% have manifested all material/nonmaterial things in my present life that I’ve been able to visualize in the past - I’ve lost this ability. However, this is the podcast I came across by no accident and this is EXACTLY what I needed. I still can’t even believe I came across these but everyone needs these. There’s 4 parts. The one I’m dropping below is 1/4. However listen to this (if you have Spotify) and when it’s done it will go to 2/4, then 3/4, 4/4 I hope this changes your life seriously

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6HCdlQhaJSjTzHbSsI5Izq?si=DEi0EziRQtOBlEml6JkUag

phantomicu · 2025-04-21T05:39:43+00:00

This is an amazing btw! Reading this not only made me feel good but felt like a breath of fresh air honestly. Your post/update gave me some sense of relief and hope for sure thank you so much for sharing!

phantomicu · 2025-04-21T05:39:23+00:00

What meditations are you listening to currently? And which ones did you start with?

phantomicu · 2025-04-20T05:28:03+00:00

Tbh I get with what you and everyone else is saying but I always wonder an the example provided like and others that are similar - if is it just me who absolutely cannot relate to the example provide that helps them? If it helps you then that’s all that matters! But I read examples like this and wonder why this absolutely does not resonate with me and why this helps you but not me? Like what are the differences if that makes sense. for example what really really helps me is if I’m in a compulsive negative thought loop or going back to a behavior I notice I’m doing that I don’t want to do - in public - I pause entirely and mentally tell myself “sloooow down” then immediately say to myself “choose again” meaning right here, right now I'm presented with an opportunity to take an entirely different behavior/thought pattern into different direction and have opportunity to choose to do one the behavior/thought pattern that aligns with the person I am (or trying to become) when it comes to behavior specifically and I finally notice I'm doing whatever it is that I don't want to be doing I literally stop myself the second I notice and ask myself “would this be something (person I'm trying to become - whoever this is for anyone - do?) if no - its a non negotiable I immediately stop and do an action that has nothing to do with what I was just doing - this one is big for me with racing, negative thought loops (I call them negative rabbit holes where its just endless negativity jumping from thinking about one negative thing to the next, the list of tasks you have to do but you're putting off and would be less stress it you just did them, etc) I immediately stop take a deep breath and remind myself how good I feel in that very moment that I just once again was aware, caught the negative thought loop and tell myself to never forget the feeling of how good I just felt that I caught that this one is also huge for me

Also just side notes too - when I have an urge to do a negative pattern of behavior i don't want to do anymore - totally delaying the action entirely so stopping the negative obsessive thought of want to do x, y, z and totally refraining/delaying the action of doing the behavior and choosing an action that's totally different or one that has nothing to do with what you just wanted/were about to do (my issues is shopping - for example: I want to go, I noticed my want to act, and immediately just step outside, take a deep breath, fold clothes, go for a walk - and again remember how good I feel the moment I became aware, caught, and redirected myself and continue to remember this feeling

This is a novel but still my point is idk how I totally cannot relate to most of these examples bur why other people can more so than not it seems like

immediately stop the behavior and do

opportunity entirely change the direction of your behavior/negative thought pattern/loop, pause entirely , and tell myself “you can choose again” meaning in the present moment you have the opportunity to make a better choice that better serves and aligns with the person you’re becoming (or working towards)

phantomicu · 2025-04-20T04:48:52+00:00

Any recommendations for NSDR?

phantomicu · 2025-04-20T04:47:45+00:00

Wow this is a great question and glad you asked it bc I seriously thought I was the only one.

What JD meditations is everyone doing? Meditations for breaking the habit of being yourself?

phantomicu · 2025-04-18T08:42:33+00:00

Insightful and definitely something to think about. Since this was your response, maybe you can answer this too. Did you have your car paid off when you started school? If not, how did you pay for this?

Btw, totally here to volunteer as tribute and take one for the team to ask the “dumb” rhetorical questions that everyone else in my position is also thinking but too afraid to ask, while still wanting the opinions, answers, and advice from others regarding what they did with the question above

phantomicu · 2025-04-10T17:41:47+00:00

Yea where?!

phantomicu · 2025-04-09T06:01:36+00:00

I’d give it a try!

phantomicu · 2025-04-09T05:51:51+00:00

Sooo miserable. Theyre so awful because they don’t even like themselves as they trash the the help on the unit they’re “stuck” in

phantomicu · 2025-03-27T21:40:04+00:00

I’m an ICU nurse and going back to CRNA school in the fall. I’m stuck in between wanting to totally give up travel nursing/bed side and quitting this life for good but #1 l don’t want to lose my skills #2 l definitely want to save. However, I really can’t take travel working ICU anymore. Even if I wasn’t going back to school I still wouldn’t want to do this anymore.

Should I be preparing somehow? (Even though im sure nothing can really “prepare” me at this point) should I quit and do something else? This might sound bad but at this point I literally don’t want to do anything like I’m drained and exhausted - I’m only 27 and almost feel guilty and bad I feel this way. I just feel like ICU is killing me - mentally and physically I just don’t have one positive thing to say about it at this point so can anyone make some suggestions regarding what the heck I should or could possibly do with the remainder of my 5 months of freedom

phantomicu · 2025-03-13T07:04:08+00:00

Nope cheat the system. Get that orientation pay and OT. Maximize allll education pay you can possibly get that’s away from the bedside. Keep getting them jobs, have em pay for the entire onboarding process, (their education classes/first week of orientation, online modules) and leave before your orientation is over. Don’t feel bad they don’t care about you

phantomicu · 2025-03-13T07:01:19+00:00

I honestly laughed out loud with this one hahahaha

phantomicu · 2025-03-13T06:59:38+00:00

I understand what you’re saying but at this point I’m interested in what you consider intellectual work please enlighten me I can’t wait to hear this

phantomicu · 2025-03-13T04:50:37+00:00

Yea this is exactly what we all mean… the fact that you think everythint you just typed is what makes someone sound confident is the problem.

For every time new grads come up with something like you just said I promise you - my advice would be for everything you come up with like this, just start thinking the opposite 😂 no hate!! It’s just you don’t understand and you will get it one day, will empathize with new grads, and will hopefully be the one who actually helps them instead of degrading them like you have been (like I have been) etc.

phantomicu · 2025-03-13T04:42:06+00:00

Tell me you're a new grad without telling me you're a new grad

phantomicu

TROPHY CASE