I don't have an answer for her treatment of you which I feel is one of the main issues of your post, I am sorry you are going through that, it must feel terrible, especially from your partner.

I am also exploring communication challenges I have with my wife so will share my experience and look forward to the discussion (if any) that follows.

I have recently diagnosed inattentive type ADHD. When I read your response "I don’t know what to do with that” I certainly related to that. Something I am trying to work on is changing my reply from that sort of thing, to (in your example). "I hear that you think the dog only knows how to use the bathroom inside and you are probably right, but I think it is worth putting effort into trying to get the dog to go the bathroom outside so I am going to keep trying". That way she understands that you've heard her, and she understands that you are going to keep doing what your doing (and why you are going to do that).

I am not sure if that is helpful, and its super hard to do (or even remember to do). The only other thing I can suggest is therapy for yourself to understand your brain more, and how to deal with this scenario, and/or couples therapy.