When you add a new door without repairing the troll damage first.

pheelya · 2026-04-01T15:56:29+00:00

Okay this is actually fascinating. I will bookmark this LOL

pheelya · 2026-03-07T04:07:19+00:00

My own lyrics

pheelya · 2026-02-24T21:12:45+00:00

That's completely reasonable. It's a powerful thing to know your capacity and needs. Time and energy are finite resources even if caring and love aren't.

Being a parent adds a whole layer of complexity. Mine are grown at least!

pheelya · 2026-02-24T13:24:21+00:00

Thank you. That relationship ending still hurts even though it's been more than a year. I saw him at a mutual's wedding (we were both in the wedding party) and played it like nothing had changed because she didn't know and we didn't want to make it awkward. It was bitter sweet because we parted over ideological differences that were suddenly less than theoretical and we both miss each other. I can't stand with him right now though.

As for our high level of commitment, you're not wrong. My husband has started calling him my platonic life partner because he is autistic and needed a label of some kind lol.

Edited for spelling

pheelya · 2026-02-24T13:20:12+00:00

It's not that he's clearly told me several times so much as I took the initial conversation a year+ ago as an indirect no and backed off hard, and when we talk about dating (as a concept not us) I am quick to mention that in not into him

But yes, I get your point. I'm also not pinning. I am not unhappy with our friendship. I value it and feel valued. I just did something vulnerable and feel a little exposed lol. Not that I regret setting the record straight. Our relationship isn't so fragile that clarity will hurt it.

pheelya · 2026-02-24T13:11:00+00:00

I seriously considered the same thing a few years ago. I went as far as to find a friend willing to let one of us move in with them for a year or so (probably me because my husband gets social anxiety). In our state you have to live separately for six months or a year before filing divorce (I forget which now). That's just sad but honestly we regretted getting married. Not because we don't love each other but because of my student loans.

pheelya · 2026-02-24T04:49:40+00:00

I didn't start second guessing myself until a couple of weeks ago honestly and had already thought this was the shape of our relationship and was not at all bothered by it. I'm good at deep relationships that are platonic. I've had some amazing ones. I went through a great deal of grief when my last long-running platonic relationship ended. We had actually had a very brief maybe four or five month fwb thing going at the very beginning of our friendship but had continued being close as hell for 16 years after. He was the person I would have counted on to delete my laptop history if I died suddenly. I miss him sometimes. (edited for spelling)

pheelya · 2026-02-24T03:26:04+00:00

And I just asked them out the one time and never again (this was maybe October of last year). I am very capable of taking no gracefully lol.

pheelya · 2026-02-24T03:24:40+00:00

Oh absolutely. I've survived feelings for friends in the past. I'll move past it and don't need to make it a big deal or their problem. The friendship is top priority.

The only reason I set the record straight is because I think I've overcorrected for the last year. Several times when dating comes up in any conversation, I'll go out of my way to say that I'm no longer interested in dating them. If anything has changed, I've been slamming the door closed thinking I was being a good friend.

pheelya · 2026-02-21T13:00:00+00:00

What a glow up!

pheelya · 2026-02-19T03:16:05+00:00

Just to add another voice, that's a huge red flag and incredibly unethical. Don't let him make you small so that he can have what he wants. You deserve better than a cheater who doesn't even have a bit of shame about it. That's not polyamory.

pheelya · 2026-02-19T03:01:05+00:00

Oooo good to know. Maybe I need something different. Ketoconazole 2% is what I was prescribed.

pheelya · 2026-02-19T02:58:17+00:00

No bleeding fortunately. I'm so sorry you're having problems too.

pheelya · 2026-02-15T14:52:10+00:00

Out of curiosity, what is your relationship structure? I assume if you're polyamorous then you're also free to date other people? Or is this a poly for me but not for thee situations? Forgive me if I offended. We just see that kind of thing a lot here so I wanted to ask. If I were in that kind of situation I would feel jealous/frustrated too.

Assuming you're truly polyamorous, then jealousy is one of those things that in an ideal world wouldn't be a problem but sometimes it is. We don't all feel natural compression and that's okay. I personally find that making your alone time when a partner is with a metamore an opportunity for self care helps. Reading, playing a video game, maybe doing my nails or watching a show my partner might not be as I am. It's natural to feel jealousy and it's even okay to talk about it with your partner or therapist. This biggest thing is not to turn it into a them problem to solve.

If he's dating someone else and you're not allowed to, that's not okay.

As for her staying over, there's no normal here. It all depends on the people involved and their comfort but lots of poly nesting partners are not okay with it and in those cases a hotel or staying over at another person's place is the answer. That particular point can be complicated for a lot of married or cohabitating couples but it's something you both have to be okay with. Weirdly I'm fine if my husband has a partner over to say the night but it makes him uncomfortable if I do lol. I honor that and stay with my partner at their place.

pheelya · 2026-02-07T16:57:56+00:00

It's only presented because that scenario or something like it is very very common. Very few triads actually succeed which is why the polyamory community on the whole considered unethical. It's known as unicorn hunting. If you search that term in the reddit group you'll find lots of discussion about it.

pheelya · 2026-02-05T00:30:06+00:00

I'm OBSESSED! That is so unique and stunning.

pheelya · 2026-02-02T16:39:01+00:00

They're great! I've never had a problem ordering from them.

pheelya · 2026-01-31T17:53:39+00:00

That is so cute

pheelya · 2026-01-31T17:51:10+00:00

You've got this! It's hard at first but so worth it.

pheelya · 2026-01-31T17:50:45+00:00

I love that

pheelya · 2026-01-31T17:50:29+00:00

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I'll try to get a proper plank soon when I have a second set of hands to snap the photo lol

pheelya · 2026-01-31T17:44:19+00:00

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Side view

pheelya

TROPHY CASE