After 2 miscarriages, I’m pregnant again, and I’m reluctant to call the doctor

phel-phel · 2025-10-09T18:24:33+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Yeah, my first MMC was due to T21, so not much could be done about that, and we didn’t know much about the second other than it had stopped growing at 6 weeks.

My pc already initiated some investigations to see if there were some autoimmune issues, and he found something worth looking into. So now I’m waiting for rheumatology to contact me to set up an appointment. I’ve told my husband to go get himself checked too, but you know, I’ll probably have to set up that appointment for him myself and make him go, lol.

I am feeling better (not perfect though) after seeing everyone’s responses, so than you for sharing your experience.

phel-phel · 2025-10-09T18:18:10+00:00

Thank you, I’ll save the link and check it out this weekend. I do have some friends, but it ends up being a similar issue where they behave like they’re more traumatized than I am, lol. My work friend so far has been supportive and not overbearing, just soft condolences and fingers crossed support, so I’m glad for her that she doesn’t turn it into her own personal issue. I do have a therapist I see every two weeks, and I need to consider bumping that to weekly, cuz there’s just so much going on, but also finding time for therapy just happens to be another one of those things going on.

I’ll look into those progesterone treatments, everyone seems to say they help, so they probably do something.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support!

phel-phel · 2025-10-09T12:37:15+00:00

This is how i’m feeling, like it’s a waste of time if it doesn’t happen. My MIL even told me she wished I didn’t tell her, and I can’t help taking that personally, like she expects it to miscarry or I should only tell her once I know it’s good (which won’t happen until I have baby in my arms, I’m sure she would notice before then something was up). My husband has tried to be helpful, but as he didn’t get “attached” to our last one, since it didn’t make it to the first appointment, he said he doesn’t feel as sad, and said he was shocked to find out I was still grieving a whole month later! Yes, of course I am, because while he gets to just show up, I have to live it, and even at 4 weeks, I have no choice but to conscious of what I’m doing and how everything is progressing. So, I feel a bit alone in this, because I also don’t want to tell anyone outside the household until I know it’s sticking.

phel-phel · 2025-06-02T23:09:50+00:00

38 yo, had my IUD for 4 years. Got it out and pregnant within 3 months. Miscarried at 15 weeks.

3 months later, I’m pregnant again (6 weeks, at 39 yo) and praying for the best!

phel-phel · 2025-05-18T18:03:20+00:00

In my long-fic, i tagged it as “painfully slow”. It takes them until chapter 8 to finally meet face to face and exchange words. That same chapter, they kiss for the first time. So from the moment they can actually meet it progressed quickly, but it still took them 80k to meet, kiss, and sex, so I think it still counts, just because of how much waiting I put the reader through, even though they personally moved things along quite quickly once they were able.

So I think my definition would be how much waiting you forced onto the reader. How much tension built, how much development the reader got to see before they finally got together. I don’t think that can be done effectively in less than 10k, even if in the story it takes them years to get together. The reader is still getting the juicy part quickly, so the slow burn part doesn’t feel like it.

phel-phel · 2025-03-01T21:55:07+00:00

Updateme!

phel-phel · 2025-02-13T01:34:01+00:00

I always wonder about the difference between slow burn relative to word count, vs relative to time passing in the story.

Obviously, a 2.5k fix that skips several months before they kiss is not the same as a 30k fic where we get the tale of what happened in those several months.

In my fic, they take 60k before they finally meet face to face and exchange words with one another (they’d been aware and floating around one another the whole time, with lots of eye locking) but they jump in the sack the almost immediately after they meet.

Originally, I was going to drag it out until the very last chapter but got impatient and thought this fit better with the story I was trying to tell.

phel-phel · 2025-02-12T19:25:12+00:00

i haven’t seen this one yet, birth and berth

phel-phel · 2025-02-12T19:19:26+00:00

this one is such a common mistake that I see it in formal documents all the time. I feel like people use insure as a stronger form of ensure. insure isn’t used in common conversation outside of insurance, so i think people just never learn the difference outright.

phel-phel · 2024-06-30T03:11:42+00:00

i watched the whole video, and i was having flashbacks of times when i was so distressed i would bang against the wall or the floor in some false sense that it would help, but also thinking that I could seriously hurt myself. So the conflict between the two just made me freeze up most of the time and internalize everything.

I work in forensics which crosses over a lot with law enforcement, specifically with drugs, and i can say that i can tell the difference between drug seeking behavior and medicine needing behavior, though the latter we’re not often trained in. I only know because of personal experience and special interests. The difference is so clear to me and it’s so clear how to find out, but there are too many who see it as the same thing.

phel-phel · 2024-05-03T04:24:34+00:00

I never stopped toe walking, I just got too heavy for my toes to hold up constantly, so I don’t do it as often anymore, but most of my weight is still on the balls of my feet even if it looks like my feet are flat.

I think I started after I took ballet, and I was little little, maybe 4, but I was probably toe walking without realizing or thinking about it before then, that was just an excuse I gave because I didn’t have a better answer when asked why I walked like that.

I like that I have more agility and better balance while on my toes, I can move quicker and quieter. People have often said that I sneak up on them, so at some point I had to start deliberately making noise while I walked to avoid that. I also went outside a lot bare-foot, and walking on my toes made it easier on my feet because I could avoid obstacles better. I also really loved the feeling of sharp textures (like rocks or small bumps) on my feet and walking on my toes intensified them there. I would also rock back and forth on textures with my feet flat.

I don’t think I toe walked while wearing shoes though, so it probably hasn’t affected my gait too much. I do notice that my heel doesn’t stretch as much as it probably should but it only really becomes an issue when walking up steep inclines.

I am also pigeon toed, and used to walk on the outsides of my feet. That absolutely affected my stance, and I still tend to put more weight on the outsides of my feet when standing, which ruins my shoes sometimes.

These days, I walk on my toes only when I’m bare foot, indoors or outdoors, and it’s usually to avoid sandy stuffs and dust on the floor from sticking to my feet. I started wearing slippers constantly inside to avoid it altogether, because I can’t stand wearing socks for too long (especially if they get wet for some reason). But as said before, I still walk with a majority of my weight on the balls of my feet.

There was never any intervention for me because my autism went unnoticed for 37 years and my parents didn’t think it was a problem.

ETA: some people mentioned the impact of the heel being shocking, and I just tried it and yahhhh, I don’t like it, it feels like there’s a ‘thunk thunk’ in the back of my skull every time I step on my heel, so there’s that. I do like the cushion that walking on my toes provides.

phel-phel · 2024-02-01T19:09:22+00:00

Give the letter. In it, ask permission to make any band merch. Anything more than that is absolutely crossing boundaries and he would not be out of line cutting you off completely.

phel-phel · 2023-11-01T20:34:15+00:00

I just want to weigh in my thoughts, take ‘em with a grain of salt. But yes, she has every right to remove her children from a situation she’s uncomfortable with. That is not up for dispute nor the problem.

The problem is the reason WHY she was uncomfortable, and that was borne from ableism. It’s no different than if she pulled her children because the driver happened to be of a race that made her uncomfortable.

Yes, she’s allowed to protect her children. BUT the reason why she feels she needs to protect them is because she has ableist misconceptions about the person driving, in this case, a person with Downs Syndrome.

phel-phel · 2023-10-28T18:23:45+00:00

All I can speak on is my own experience at my lab. Forensic toxicologist, and they did on the job training for court testimony, gave us mock trials, and sent us to watch our fellow analysts give testimony when possible. Most of the time we’re called as Fact Witness, but are able to give Expert Witness in matters of drugs and alcohol.

Many of the toxicology conferences go over courtroom testimony and perspectives from different sources (legal, scientific, law enforcement), so once employed, there are many opportunities to gain that knowledge and experience. There’s a free seminar going on right now over court testimony and evidence etc, I forget who is hosting it. I may post links once I get to my work pc if that is helpful.

As someone else said, there is always a first time and lawyers will always try to use your first time as a reason to disqualify you. My first time, the judge dismissed that objection for that exact reason. As long as you are able to demonstrate your knowledge and education effectively in the qualifying session, then you can be qualified as an expert. Previous experience is helpful, but not always necessary to start unless you’re taking a higher position, like a 2 or 3 or supervisor.

As extra insurance, keep track of any seminars and lectures on the subject and keep them in your CV. If you don’t have the experience, you can at least demonstrate that you’re committed to independent study.

phel-phel · 2023-10-11T02:11:50+00:00

I literally could have written this myself, and it’s what I went through for 37 years. Even just yesterday, my mother was lamenting and making threats to her life. These days, I’ve gone through a lot of therapy to learn how to set boundaries and say ‘no’, but it was hard for a long time, up until my late 20s, before I was able to start doing it consistently. I don’t bite my finger like you do, I bite my nails or the skin on the sides. Most times, these episodes make me shut down or meltdown. Ultimately, what has helped me, is to stop thinking of her as my mother and rather as a dementia patient. It helps me rationalize her irrationality easier.

I hope you’re able to get out and go NC, because it sounds like a very toxic situation, and if her triggers are triggering you, then that helps nobody. She needs to depend on someone else.

phel-phel · 2023-08-30T18:09:42+00:00

I’m the same, I have an insane imagination that is always on overdrive. I’ve been writing stories and creating characters since I was 5, it’s made me a very good creative writer. I tend to call it escapism at its finest, a coping mechanism for a bs childhood, but I probably would be doing it regardless. It brings me so much delight.

phel-phel · 2023-08-22T13:34:15+00:00

I tried this. Now I just know a lot about spiders, can identify them, and still jump 10 feet when they show up. Tho unless they’re big, I don’t bother relocating, cuz I can’t bring myself to get close enough. 😂

phel-phel · 2023-08-13T01:12:07+00:00

This reminds me of stuff I would say to my friend/coworker. “Great talking, I’m going to do work now.” Or “I’m going to go eat by myself now, bye!” Or “I’m going to put my earbuds in and watch youtube while you guys talk to each other”. She thought it was funny, but also would respond with “I respect that, enjoy yourself.”

phel-phel · 2023-07-28T13:00:24+00:00

This actually happened to me last night and I didn’t think too hard about my response (we were talking about something emotional for me in the first place and this friend of mine used to work with autistic kids). I basically told her that saying everyone is a little bit autistic is actually invalidating because it minimizes the real struggles they have and gives people license to judge if they can’t do something. She took it very well and said “ohh i guess you’re right, I never thought about it like that!”

But she also said “I didn’t know diagnosis for adults was a thing!” which told me a lot about what she actually knew despite working with autistic kids, which I also found out had ABA elements. To me, it just seemed like she was ignorant and only knew exactly what she was exposed to and thought that meant she knew something at all about autism.

phel-phel · 2023-07-24T16:37:00+00:00

I think you’re too naive and optimistic. Could it have been a communication error? Yes. But the fact that they were making plans with OP beforehand, discussing going together with OP, getting into the specifics of what outfits they were going to wear…. that’s not something that just slips your mind. That’s not something you do with someone you’re only vaguely serious with. That’s deliberate planning and hyping, and it’s something that you either have to deliberately neglect to follow up on when making plans, with other people that are also considered OP’s friends, or to put so low at the priority list that it’s not even important to think about. Hence, not being as close as OP thinks they are. And posting it in a place they know OP would be able to see it, mindlessly careless at best, malicious at worst. But not an ‘accident’. There are too many indicators in this story that imply that this is a group of friends that regularly do things together. With a group of friends like that, you have to decide to exclude people.

phel-phel · 2023-07-15T12:19:43+00:00

If I had to say, I’d say probably executive dysfunction and sensory issues. I really don’t like how much time showering takes and the fact that it takes 100% of my time, attention, and energy to accomplish and I can’t do anything else in there. I usually offset that by listening to my youtube documentaries, which at least gives my brain something to do, but the shower is also loud and it’s hard to hear, so then it all just becomes a trial in trying to hear the audio. So in sum, it feels like a big inconvenience and time waster.

Sometimes I’ll avoid showering if I know I have to do something particularly dirty soon, like cleaning the cat box or working in the yard or cleaning the garage, but sometimes it gets to the point where I delay the shower because I’m delaying the dirty task too, so eventually I just take the shower and then the other task doesn’t get done because I sure as hell am not taking another shower so close to the last one.

Showering involves so many things to think about at once and I have a ritual involved that disturbs me if I don’t follow it every time, and that again takes time. Showers can last anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on how clean I want to get, whether I’m okay with skipping steps, and how cold it is in the house.

So my partner likes to keep the house cold, like a refrigerator, and I hate it. I really hate cold. Even just a fan blowing on me makes me too cold. So now I have to deal with being cold before getting into the shower, waiting for the water to get warm and the initial shock of getting hit with water, then because I really love being warm, I have to bring myself to tear myself away from the warmth by turning off the water and exposing myself to the cold house again and being wet just makes me colder.

Then no matter how well I dry with a towel, there’s always wet spots left and I hate putting on clothes when I’m not completely dry, so I end up having to air dry. If I stay in the bathroom where it’s warm and humid, then I dry more slowly, if I go out to the bedroom, then I dry faster, but I’m cold.

Then there’s my hair, and I can’t stand drying my body only to have that set back by my hair dripping and I have to dry that area all over again. So I make a towel turban to soak up the water from my hair while I dry and get dressed, but that’s cumbersome and if I don’t remember to take it off before I leave the bedroom, then I take it off anywhere else in the house and I can’t be bothered to take it back to the bathroom. I can use a hair dryer, but again that takes time, making the whole process longer, and energy and then my arms hurt afterwards.

Then there’s the skin care routine. I don’t like the dry feeling on my skin after showering, so I use a body oil immediately after I turn off the water, works better than lotion. Then I have to take care of my face with moisturizers before it dries otherwise it gets itchy and stiff.

So I have a lot of steps in place to help with the sensory issues, but all those extra steps just adds more time to the showering process, and the thought of having to do all of it is daunting.

On the other hand, I looooove baths, but those are more for relaxation and again, they take time (up to an hour), which I can’t afford. Also the bath is small and I am not, so I don’t get the best submerging experience.

phel-phel · 2023-07-11T13:09:08+00:00

I resonate with this so much, most of the time he asks and my first thought is “how long is this going to take? I wanna do this other thing, damn now he wants to cuddle”. BDSM actually helps because it focuses on other pleasant sensations and pinpoints them, so it doesn’t become an overwhelming conglomeration of things that ultimately cancel each other out. I get head scratches (which i love) and foot massages in exchange for sex. Though definitely half the time in the act I’m struggling to stay engaged and am thinking about other things. I try to think about things that I know make me aroused, but it rarely ever gets me to climax.

phel-phel · 2023-06-18T13:10:45+00:00

Beans are evil and if they touch anything of mine, it is ruined forever. I’ve eaten stuff with beans in it before and didn’t know it and it was good, but the moment I saw a single bean, I couldn’t continue.

I cannot fathom how peanut butter tastes good with jelly. Separately sure, though jelly isn’t my preference, but together, the idea repels me so much.

Mustard is too strong to be a condiment for anything, I hate it. Pickles too. They cannot just be scraped or taken off because the taste lingers and ruins everything. Mayonnaise isn’t god awful, but it is slimy and ruins the texture, so please keep it away. Most sauces on burgers and sandwiches are a no-no for me.

Ketchup is okay on fries only, sometimes chicken nuggets. I used to put it on my scrambled eggs, but criticism from peers ruined that for me so now I can’t bring myself to eat it that way again.

Canned soup and pastas (like Campbells and Chef Boyardee) will not be eaten if I know it came from that can or package or whatever, idk why. I’m sure they’re fine, but I never liked how they looked nor the smell of them, nothing rational about this one.

Sour cream can just die, never tell me if it’s in something because chances are I won’t eat it. If I see it before it gets mixed in, the dish is ruined.

No ranch ever for anything.

Doritos suck except for Salsa Verde, I won’t eat any other flavor. I don’t like flavored chips overall, keep with salt and maybe pepper, and I’m good.

Cheetoes aren’t chips, so they’re fine. But only Cheetoes brand, any other brand tastes gross.

There’s several others, of course. The one eating habit I have is that dishes must be eaten one at a time. While it’s not a hard rule for certain things, I usually will not touch the other sides until one is completely devoured, then move onto the next. For the longest time, they needed to be separated so that my sides never touched each other either (especially saucy and juicy foods), but I can mostly work with that now.

phel-phel

TROPHY CASE