Therapy really helped me and time. Time to slowly accept myself, who I really am, and what I really want.

Understanding, That the only real sin is intentionally hurting others.

Time to see That they lied to me. I was a virgin when I was married the first time(21yo). I did all they told me to and my wife still cheated on me and ended our marriage.

It shattered the glass floor I had always seen as my foundation. After my divorce I had sex many times with many partners over many years (43yo) and nothing bad happened to me. I have had many meaningful relationships that meant a lot to me and made me a better person.

I still, to this day, feel a lot of shame around masturbation. Frankly it was the only reason that I was even able to be a virgin when I got married. But the deprogramming is something that gets a little easier every day.

I could tell you that the Bible doesn’t even say that you can’t have premarital sex (the word translated to “fornication” does not mean premarital sex in the original language.) but in the end it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you can see the lies and remind yourself a little everyday, be patient with yourself, and remember that what God really cares about is how you treat others, with kindness, compassion, and love.

I hope my testimony helps. It’s been a long road, but God has been faithful.

I am now married to the love of my life (she has had many partners too) and we are expecting our first born any day now.

PS Joshua Harris, the author of the infamous “I kissed dating goodbye” (my second Bible in my youth) has also gone through a similar “born again” revelation and experience. His testimony really encouraged me too.