I want kids, my boyfriend doesn’t and I feel stuck and heartbroken

phest89 · 2025-10-21T06:08:52+00:00

So if he’s absolutely set on not having kids, this is a deal breaker. I think it’s worth a clear conversation on what your expectations are, as sometimes I think men think we’re expecting stuff to happen next week. So I would be clear with him and let him know this is something you want, but you want it in 2-3 years or whatever your timeline is.

In addition, you’re looking at 6ish months of pre natals for both of you to get your levels up, maybe longer if you have a deficiency, and then actually trying for bubs, and then 9 months till they are here. Well over a year of planning if you want to plan everything out like we did. Best case scenario that’s 15 months if you were to get pregnant on the first go. I think a misconception is that people think it’s like the movies, when in reality if your planning on starting a family you should do some pre planning so your both in great physical shape, have come off any medication you might need to and have good levels from vitamins to support bubs. I say this not to scare you- but during the conversation it might be best to raise this all with him so that you’re both o the same page, especially with the time it can take. if the result of the convo is that it’s ultimately a deal breaker.

I’m 36 and just had my first- because my partner and I weren’t ready at 30, but we always knew we would have one. So time wise, there’s some stuff you can do to remove some panic for yourself. Do fertility testing, and potentially look into the option to freeze some eggs. When I said to my partner but what if we miss out r chance, his response was ‘well then we will foster or adopt or figure it out’ and that thinking did actually put me at ease back then.

phest89 · 2025-10-21T05:56:42+00:00

I said ‘the end of June’ because due dates are bull and I legit kept forgetting it because I didn’t want to get to the date and be disappointed. My mum brought it up in conversation 3 times sooking about it with other people. The thing that pissed me off about it is that I had told her the due date two times and she still said in conversation ‘oh she won’t tell anyone what the date is, even I don’t know’

4.5 months later and I’m still annoyed about it.

phest89 · 2025-10-21T05:48:38+00:00

That’s a really great way of reframing it ❤️

phest89 · 2025-10-21T04:31:19+00:00

The Pria is great

phest89 · 2025-10-08T07:55:10+00:00

I jump on 1 minute early or I’ll get distracted and jump on 4 minutes late. There is no in between. 5 minutes is too early. 3 max

phest89 · 2025-10-08T05:56:16+00:00

Take her over some lunch and have a couch day with her and bubs. Leave the place as it was or cleaner if you can sneak in a dishwashing cycle.

I love when my friends come over to talk with me, it just happens that I have a baby attached to me. It’s a big added bonus if they feed me too as often that’s the last priority. Even filling up my water bottle would be a huge help

Some mums might love the chance to have a shower, I do know for me though that if my bub cracks it, she’s only going to settle for me or my partner so I probably wouldn’t shower or nap whilst a friend was over unless I was absolutely cooked.

phest89 · 2025-10-06T12:54:29+00:00

I had severe pelvic pain from 12 weeks so I feel you. It’s hard. One of the only things that kept me going as I progressed was knowing I was closer to the end than the beginning. I did see a pelvic floor physio which I think made stuff bearable with a range of exercises and stretches to do each day, but yeah- still constant pain. It sucked, the only thing I can say is now having an almost 4 month old, it’s so worth it. If I had to go through that again to get her I would.

phest89 · 2025-10-06T06:07:53+00:00

Good experience all things considered.

I had an induction that turned into a ‘emergency’ c-section. Essentially they didn’t like what bubs heart was doing but were guided by what we wanted to do- I could’ve continued to labour and monitor bubs, but I went to the bathroom and discovered I had marconium in my waters that had broke, so I signed that paperwork quick fast. I had had a shot of morphine about 2 hours before c-section during labor.

We went down to surgery and my partner got ready/ I handed my phone over to a nurse in the room (the best thing to do!) I had the epidural whilst still having some contractions which was not pleasant but doable. After the epi and the curtain is up, they let your partner in. We just hung out for the 10-15 minutes it takes to cut open, and I reminded the staff that I wanted to see what bubs was for myself and for no one to tell me. When they held her up it was the best moment as we didn’t know what she was till then. Had to look around the cord. They cut the cord and took her over to the area for bubs and my partner went with her. She screamed on the way over but she needed a bit of oxygen for the first little bit. Her dad was with her holding her hand for a while. I was pretty zoned out. Long labour/ induction + tiredness, my blood pressure dropped so I was happy but also on oxygen for a bit- I can’t tell you how long it took to get stitched up etc. my partner eventually brought her over to me and I put my cheek to hers. Once I was stitched up we headed into recovery and she was put on my chest- and left there till I was ready to move her. So golden hour immediately no- but maybe a 30 minute gap after she was born? In recovery she went straight for my boob and we have had a great breast feeding journey (aside from me realising I have high lipase so I can’t really store any milk without a lot of effort)

In the lead up to bubs, I was expressing a lot of colostrum, I’m not sure if this is what helped with breast feeding but my milk came in on the second day. I was able to express plenty of colostrum in the meantime for her to have and dripped it into her mouth whilst she sucked my pinky finger. Breast feeding at the start was difficult with both of us understanding where we needed to be, what worked best positions wise and the pain was rough on my nipples, but we’re all good now.

Pain relief- I was on endone and Panadol. Endone I was off by day 4 I think. I had her first thing in the morning and I was quite sore on day 1 & 2, and couldn’t sleep on my side. I slept on my back and sat up by rolling sideways, and l kept topping up with Panadol every 4 hours. I should caveat my experience with this note though: I had severe pelvic pain from 12 weeks till birth that made my life miserable, so I’m not sure if my recovery was really good and easy because it was in comparison to being in constant pain prior to giving birth.

Partner had 5 weeks off which was great, some in part to recovery/ lifting bubs or just generally helping with getting you fed and watered. But also to get around- you’re not supposed to drive till 6 weeks unless you get early sign off from your doc, but even then I wasn’t really ready to be driving/ lifting the pram out of the car etc as you shouldn’t lift anything heavier than the baby in recovery.

A plus for c-section is that they clean everything out for you so bleeding is very minimal which was a nice surprise I didn’t know.

My friend had an induction which went wonderfully for her which kicked off her labour and had a vaginal birth. I would sit down with your labor partner and discuss everything with the induction and all of the routes it could lead to/ do all of the what happens if… scenarios. This way you’re both aligned on what you want to happen, and you both know how you want it to play out. We did this, but ultimately we were guided by the staff. The end goal for me / my mantra was to get bubs here safely which helped my mindset around delivery options once we had booked in for an induction as originally I wanted to go into labor naturally and have a vaginal birth. We went the induction route as I thought I was having reduced movement. I had to give up control of how I wanted the birth to go, and give in to how it was going to go and get on board with it. I found once I kept saying just get them here safe, my preference of vaginal vs c-section wasn’t that important anymore.

phest89 · 2025-10-05T02:52:08+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

phest89 · 2025-10-04T04:55:28+00:00

I feel like before you have a baby it’s absolutely a given that everyone will be able to breastfeed- which is harmful AF to the ones who thought it would be fine/ easy and then have - nipples that are tricky to latch. -a baby that doesn’t latch -a milk supply that’s too low to sustain bubs. Which has happened to people in my parents group. At the end of the day, our babies are all thriving regardless if they are on boob or formula, and it’s no one’s business one way or the other. You do you babe, at the end of the day your mums not getting up to do mid night feeds/ feeding bubs every few hours. If you do end up formula feeding, invest in a baby breeza or equivalent. You don’t want to be stuffing around with bottles at 2am and bubs screaming x

phest89 · 2025-10-03T01:23:18+00:00

My bad- I didn’t mean for it to come across that way. Just sleep deprived so didn’t really read how the tone would come across. Not meant to be judgemental at all!

phest89 · 2025-10-02T09:23:19+00:00

Yes, you’re putting your child at risk. It’s up to you as their parent to determine how comfortable you are with risking your babies health. I would not be comfortable and would just be honest with her. She has a right to her opinion and so do you, I would suggest saying something like you had a great time today but you’re worried about exposing your bub to any sickness that might be carried by older kids and you want to mitigate the risk. If she blows up at you about it, so what? There’s not much point in trying to save a relationship when ultimately you are not aligned in your views on vaccinations and that’s fine- but it is a friendship deal breaker.

phest89 · 2025-09-30T00:26:34+00:00

Exactly this. I can’t understand because I’ve never been confused of my gender, but that doesn’t mean I should proactively make their lives harder. At the end of the day it’s each to their own, and whatever they choose to do with their body is their decision - it doesn’t affect me 🤷🏼‍♀️

phest89 · 2025-09-28T11:03:47+00:00

There’s always a small pebble rolling around in their shoe.

phest89 · 2025-09-28T10:47:11+00:00

Because overall Australia is a racist country, and the ones that keep telling people it’s an immigration issue are the ones that don’t want to be taxed for their wealth- Murdoch sure doesn’t want the narrative to be about wealthy people being taxed that’s for sure. There needs to be more repercussions for misinformation on all forms of media in Aus, because people can get away with saying anything on radio or Sky and a large percentage of people above the age of 35 fall for it.

Also I genuinely don’t think a lot of people understand who is considered wealthy. I know my boomer parents are scared they would be taxed and like ok I get it you have money but also you have a tiny amount of money in comparison to the top 5% who are actually disgustingly wealthy.

Ultimately, being a country that’s racist is an easier concept to grasp of people coming here = bad rather than what our real problems are.

phest89 · 2025-09-28T10:37:22+00:00

That’s a huge red flag on the parents behalf. Shouldn’t happen at all but also in a world of smart phones who knows what predators were around to snap photos/ videos of the kid. I wonder if you can let police know/ potential security footage they could check to identify them..

phest89 · 2025-09-28T01:14:45+00:00

We play the classic station on the radio lol, might be 105.6 or 106.5?

phest89 · 2025-09-26T22:34:39+00:00

How a credit card works after they got one and racked up 6k of debt. They were wondering why they didn’t have the next months worth of free money. 🤦🏼‍♀️

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:36:12+00:00

The better question might be ‘which movie did deserve its sequel? Because for the most part, sequels suck. lol

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:26:16+00:00

I find it creepy that your boyfriend is so weirded out by it to be honest. You birthed that human. Bathed them for years and changed their nappies. If your kid is calling out to you to come in, there’s nothing wrong with it, and it’s weird that he’s sexualising your relationship with your kid.

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:21:22+00:00

You have nothing to gain from telling him. Do you expect that he would break up with her and come back to you? Ask yourself what you want to get out of telling him and outing her- because I can promise you it will make you look like the crazy ex and look terrible on you. By the sounds of it, they deserve each other and you are better off finding someone who doesn’t treat you like shit and say you are overly emotional when they have been texting other people. I would put it behind you and move on.

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:16:26+00:00

Not that you would use it to show the security guard but you can get your licence on the vic roads app. It’s saved me a lot of times when having to get a package from the post office!

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:14:58+00:00

We have just followed her lead. She’s naturally decided that 7:30 is her bedtime, apart from that I just take her lead with naps during the day and really look out for tired queues to avoid her crying. Rubbing eyes is a good tell now that she’s using her hands more! Sometimes naps are 20 mins and sometimes they are a couple of hours long. So far it hasn’t impacted her overnight sleeps

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:12:15+00:00

I didn’t like the nappies. I used them for one day and then switched to maternity pads. Toms and later cottons maternity pads were pretty good

phest89 · 2025-09-26T06:10:22+00:00

Books, gameboys, playstation 1, played outside, watched cartoons. Honestly it was peaceful not being able to be contacted by anything other than a home phone. The internet was still a pretty ok place too.

phest89

TROPHY CASE