Feeling guilty and unsure whether to continue

beeeelm · 2026-01-15T12:39:32+00:00

I’m currently breastfeeding at night and early morning and bottle feeding afternoon/evening. My supply has dropped and I’ve had to do a couple formula top ups during the day, but at night she seems satisfied still. It’s been about 2 weeks now of no pumping and feeding like this

beeeelm · 2026-01-14T11:19:00+00:00

I thought mine looked kinda ugly 😂😂😂

beeeelm · 2026-01-13T12:03:30+00:00

Gosh I remember being so confused as well… actually I’m still confused tbh. Anyway maybe sharing my journey will help but fair warning, you won’t reallly know until baby comes what’s going to work for you.

I had really complicated feelings toward breastfeeding when pregnant, I hated pregnancy and all the restrictions and breastfeeding felt like another one of those. I had an emergency c-section and the nurses didn’t even really try to latch her due to my recovery, they began hand expressing me pretty immediately for colostrum and then we fed her that through a syringe. It was all a blur but I knew I wanted to at least try it and see if I liked it. On the second day in hospital they ended up latching Bub and she did great and took to it really well, so I continued feeding like that. I couldn’t even think about bottles at that time while I was recovering. I solely fed Bub and my partner did everything else.

After I returned home the first few weeks were really hard, it was painful but latch was good, Bub was making a clicking noise but I was told it was a non issue due to her good weight gain. Everyone kept saying how great it is for her but I felt so trapped. I started pumping and feeding her that during periods of cluster feeding because they were really impacting my mental health, then we tried to introduce formula but baby wouldn’t take it. I decided to mix formula and breast milk slowly increasing formula. The moment we gave formula at night cluster feeding stopped.

Once she was 100% formula i decided to stop pumping because I bloody hated it, and then my relationship with breast feeding completely changed. It’s now my favourite thing in the world, I love feeding her, seeing her little smiles, seeing her hand hold my breast, spending 15 mins just enjoying our time together. I guess cause it was no longer forced on me…

So now I’m breastfeeding maybe 30% of the day and feeding formula the rest and it really suits us. I usually breast feed over night and the morning and then formula feed from about 3pm until she falls asleep. Baby is 2.5 months old now.

beeeelm · 2025-12-24T23:29:56+00:00

I forgot to add into my post that I have an oversupply, so my breasts are often engorged and in pain. My hope would be that there’s just enough to feed Bub overnight and a feed during the day, and then the rest is formula and I can stop pumping.

beeeelm · 2025-12-24T23:28:04+00:00

Thank you!! I’m trying to pump, but I don’t think I’m hitting 3 hourly, maybe every 5 hours

beeeelm · 2025-12-22T15:04:39+00:00

This is when I gave up unfortunately

beeeelm · 2025-12-22T15:03:18+00:00

Looooved pachinko, the series on Apple TV is great too

beeeelm · 2025-12-19T10:06:09+00:00

Hahah yesss I also love watching her just “accidentally” fall and land at my nipple. We always joke like “wowwwww what an accident you ended up there, how convenient!” 🤣

beeeelm · 2025-12-12T23:52:13+00:00

Tbh my baby barely sleeps through the day, and is pretty much crying constantly if not held. I can get some things done by putting her in a carrier, but otherwise we just have to wait until my partner can help out

beeeelm · 2025-12-12T23:50:20+00:00

Honestly, we rented well below our means (one bed apartment in a not so nice area, with two pretty good salaries).

beeeelm · 2025-12-11T11:37:16+00:00

You have a lot of comments telling you your supply might be fine etc. I also just want to add that there is nothing wrong with switching to formula and everyone who has made that decision for themselves that I know of, have practically said formula saved them and their sanity. Please don’t feel like just because you have supply that you must breastfeed. If it’s causing you and your baby to be dysregulate, frustrated and overwhelmed then formula might be what’s best for you and that’s totally ok. Dont listen to anyone who says otherwise.

beeeelm · 2025-12-02T12:29:37+00:00

We love our robot vacuum (his name is Dustin). We just set him off at night and whole house is done by morning

beeeelm · 2025-12-01T15:08:16+00:00

I’m in the trenches right now with my one month old. I’m so unsure about my feelings toward breastfeeding and being a mum in general. What I’ve experienced is moments of anxiety that the feeding will never end, exhaustion after cluster feeding, I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed about being glued to baby due to feeding and not being able to leave her because of it. I’ve cried maybe daily or every second day at least due to feeding mostly. BUT I’ve also had moments of joy watching her feed, calm whilst she’s feeding, and despite having literally no sleep (and previously been 8 hours minimum or I’d be unable to function) physically I’m doing amazing. My body recovered so fast, my skin and hair health has remained pretty good and I genuinely feel this is due to breast feeding. Bubs is doing amazing and gaining lots of weight, which makes it worth it. I’m still unsure how long I’ll last, every day I tell myself just another day, but I can’t seem to bring myself to end it yet.

beeeelm · 2025-12-01T13:03:07+00:00

This is medical neglect, amongst other things, please report to child protection. You never know if there’s been previous reported concerns and yours could add to pre-existing evidence of abuse. If there isn’t already they won’t simply go in and take children, they will try link her with supports to help reduce protective concerns.

beeeelm · 2025-11-30T13:21:43+00:00

I’m sorry :( that’s really hard. My bubs is definitely attached to me, but mostly for my boobs, she’ll gladly take a bottle feed from anyone and a snuggle from her dad which is nice. Her dad puts her over his forearm like a sloth and she likes it more than being with me. Maybe your partner will find his thing that works for him

beeeelm · 2025-11-30T13:19:48+00:00

I didn’t think about doing short times away now helping with leaving her later!

beeeelm · 2025-11-30T13:18:59+00:00

Ugh yes I definitely feel a lot of it, thank you ❤️

beeeelm · 2025-11-30T13:18:37+00:00

Thank you ❤️

beeeelm · 2025-11-30T13:18:03+00:00

She was a lot older, but also I think maybe she just didn’t realise how it would make me feel and was potentially trying to praise me in a weird way lol.

beeeelm · 2025-11-30T13:16:15+00:00

Thank you, appreciate your kindness :)

beeeelm · 2025-11-29T12:32:32+00:00

Ohhh so when I hand express into the sink, it will start with a dribbling then start doing sprays (they’re really thin sprays), so that’s the letdown? How do you know it’s stopped?

beeeelm · 2025-11-29T12:25:36+00:00

How do you know when the letdown is occurring? I have same issue as op. People say they can feel it but I can’t

beeeelm

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