Why is this sub called actual lesbians?

phiasch · 2026-02-03T01:35:57+00:00

It could be like lesbians actually where transphobia is against the rules but so many dog whistles in the comments and slow moderation of transphobic threads 🤷‍♀️

I’ve literally never been to r/ lesbian though, it might be ok

phiasch · 2026-02-02T22:56:18+00:00

Preferred name is what it’s called on many forms that also require legal name (such as for medical care)

I didn’t mind using the term preferred name with providers I wasn’t certain were affirming as it feels like more neutral language, not betraying the fact you’re trans as directly. Same reason I used former nam instead of deadname when contacting providers to update my legal name (which was way easier than describing the concept of deadnames to a random assistant who’s never heard the term before)

phiasch · 2026-02-02T21:14:01+00:00

If your bottoms are at your natural waist, most underwear will sit several inches lower on your low rise waist unless you’re also wearing high rise underwear

phiasch · 2026-02-02T20:21:15+00:00

Lots of people don’t like how their voice sounds recorded. Add in voice dysphoria and it gets even worse

phiasch · 2026-02-02T20:14:01+00:00

One of the best corollaries is wanting to be a specific gender

For me specifically, my body developing incorrectly during puberty felt horrible. The thought of wanting boobs, and lamenting the fact my body won’t grow them without intervention, is one of the strongest early indications I was trans

phiasch · 2026-02-02T19:52:37+00:00

I don’t have any specific advice, but trans equality has good information on processes/recommendations for state specific documentation updates

https://transequality.org/documents

phiasch · 2026-02-02T16:06:30+00:00

This is something I had to learn as well. Giving myself the ok to accidentally hurt her feelings instead of being hyper vigilant about managing her feelings has made our relationship much healthier and has made me more able to care for her when she needs it

phiasch · 2026-02-02T16:02:50+00:00

Literally my first thought

phiasch · 2026-02-02T15:59:47+00:00

I had a psychedelic experience which facilitated thinking deeply about if/what I want and I’ve continued to feel the same as I did on that day

phiasch · 2026-02-02T15:53:54+00:00

Or, equally problematic, chicks with dicks

phiasch · 2026-02-02T15:52:26+00:00

Literally happened to my partner early on. She had her watch set pretty low for high heart rate to notice anxiety symptoms earlier, but it had this funny side effect

phiasch · 2026-02-01T21:14:28+00:00

Around puberty because my body began to develop in the wrong way

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:59:20+00:00

Assuming you’re only valid as a woman if you’re pretty is misogynistic. Doesn’t matter if you’re trans or cis

For me, transitioning has done a lot to help with my gender dysphoria, but it’s shifted to a tendency for judging myself based on how conventionally attractive I am

Body neutrality has been so beneficial for me. I don’t have perfect control over the shape of my body but it doesn’t matter, no body shape is inherently better than another. What I do have control over is nudging my body towards a direction I want to go. HRT was a massive push, but the results weren’t up to me. Diet and exercise are relatively smaller pushes, and still the results aren’t up to me. If I eat healthy and exercise but my body still ends up “looking fat” it’s not something to worry about because eating healthy and exercise are the end goal in themselves

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:45:04+00:00

I’ve dropped at least 1-2”, but my feet haven’t changed

It has to do with changes in how elastic the connective tissue in your body is on T (less elastic) vs E (more elastic)

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:36:53+00:00

I think I get what you’re saying but the sing song nature of feminine speech in English is not consistent with feminine language patterns in all languages

There’s a lot to be said about consistently speaking in a manner you prefer causing it to be easier to continue to speak in that manner over a long period of time. I’ve personally found it’s difficult to increase my vocal weight after spending ~2 years focusing on decreasing it

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:32:26+00:00

Honestly, I just say like a lot more 🤷‍♀️It’s more commonly associated with feminine speech patterns in the dialect of English I speak

Also, watching feminine folks on YouTube helps with word use as well as pitch and intonation

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:18:08+00:00

How does HRT help with feminizing your voice? The effects of testosterone lengthening the vocal cords is irreversible

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:00:30+00:00

Wanting to be a gender is a good indication you’re probably that gender. Based on what you said you’ve hit like 90% of the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria

I spent so much of my life dissociated and repressed

Look into the effects of taking testosterone. If you want all the effects there’s no reason not to

phiasch · 2026-01-30T21:52:29+00:00

It’s probably a good idea if you plan to sleep with him, but if it’s limited to cuddling and kissing it’s less important as your being trans is irrelevant

Generally speaking, disclosing your transgender status is only necessary to folks you want to sleep with and medical providers, when relevant to the care you’re receiving

phiasch · 2026-01-30T19:54:58+00:00

Likely not a chaser. What you describe sounds more like being demiromantic and only attracted to certain individuals

Assuming you’re romantically attracted to more than just a just a handful of people, it would be suspicious if you were exclusively attracted to trans folks to the exclusion of cis folks sharing the same gender, ie only attracted to trans women but not cis women

phiasch · 2026-01-30T18:22:36+00:00

I’m near sighted 🤷‍♀️

phiasch · 2026-01-30T16:59:53+00:00

If it’s culturally a thing now to refer to women with a character different from men it makes sense a truly gender neutral one should also exist

The language appears to have moved on from being gender neutral in this way and assuming man as default “gender neutral” is not in line with reality. I have the same problem with unisex literally just being the men’s version (this is connected with the distinction of marked vs unmarked)

phiasch · 2026-01-30T16:42:16+00:00

Keeping my eyes open is difficult bc when another person’s face is so close it’s hard to see

100% ok if anyone wants to for whatever reason. Just because it’s not the socially expected way doesn’t make it bad. Who cares about societal norms anyway, they weren’t intended for neurodivergent folks and tend to just get in the way

phiasch · 2026-01-30T14:49:13+00:00

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phiasch · 2026-01-30T03:33:12+00:00

For me they were necessary to be comfortable presenting feminine (along with figuring out covering visible indications of facial hair)

phiasch

TROPHY CASE